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{Balcony People}
As I think about relationships with others, I have concluded that there are only two basic types of people in the world:
the Evaluators and the Affirmers.
I am sure, if there were a way to view a movie and see instant replays of all the strategic change points in our lives, that we'd instantly spot the people who either broke our spirits by their critical or judgmental evaluations, or healed us by their loving, perceptive affirmations.
To be honest, I seem to be able to remember the negative comments of evaluators faster and more clearly than the positive remarks of affirmers.
I'm not alone in this ability to recall the negative,
as immature as it is,
for many of you have verified that you too, think along those same lines.
I suspect that not far from anyone's conscious level of thinking lies the memory of an evaluator who pulled on his or her spiked boots and stomped deliberately over our bare soul and personhood.
As I grow older, however, I am learning (slowly) that I have a choice about evaluators - past and present.
I can choose to keep them and their judgmental opinions in the past,
even if the "past" means just yesterday.
We all have the choice to replay the harmful remarks from evaluators, or we can choose to let them pass on.
You and I are absolutely no different.
We have all, at one time or another in our lifetime, been crushed by an evaluator or two.
Yet, particularly as believers, we are expected to appear victorious.
We are expected to be on a continuous spiritual high.
We are expected to fly - undaunted into the storms of life.
After all, aren't we God's children?
The dilemma forces us to put on our brightest smiles, and we give forth our most ebullient greetings when asked about our well being. We hide the painful truth from ourselves and other children of God as though a crushed spirit represents a hideous flaw in our character.
We deny that someone, even a saint of God, has caught us in their wrenching grip of words and has snuffed out our ability to shine.
But mostly we deny that an empty void even exists within us for fear yet another evaluator will come along and condemn us, or worse, try to set us straight.
So we retreat behind masks.
We feel hypocritical and have nagging feelings of guilt for what we know we are supposed to be, compared with the reality of what we are.
We feel safer behind our masks.
I am more convinced than ever however, that if our inner brokenness is ever to be made whole, and if we are to ever sing again (where once there was a song), we will need to deal with our evaluators. (the only way to deal is forgive. plain and simple)
Yet, I also firmly believe that the need for affirming one another is crucial to our process of becoming real, not phony or hypocritical, people of God.
Affirming brings authenticity and credibility to our faith as it is lived day by day.
I must be affirmed, and I must be an affirmer to others.
Otherwise I miss one of the main concepts of the New Testament - to love one another and to bear one another's burdens.
- -
Evaluators are those people who live in the dark murky waters of our unconscious mind - "Basement people".
They are family or friends, living or dead, who continually reach up through that black water, grab us, and pull us under.
But along with basement people, we have the extraordinary advantage of having - "Balcony People".
Affirmers.
Think of it!! All around the sphere of clear air in our conscious minds runs a balcony filled with people who are not merely sitting there, but practically hanging over the rail, cheering us on.
My imagination fairly explodes with that mental picture!
(Sometime take out a piece of paper and write down all the names of the Balcony People in your life)
After I listed who was in my balcony, I was a little surprised at how few people were present.
But then it seemed to me that it's not the amount of people, but the high caliber and level of credibility that really counts. After all, it only takes one "basement person" to drown us in the murky waters of criticism and discouragement. Why not then, the reverse?
It only takes one "balcony person" to lift us up and restore our sense of hope and purpose.
Listing the people who were in my balcony, I concluded, was only half of what should be written...
So I got out another sheet of paper and put down all the names of people to whom I'd be a "balcony person."
Finally, I decided I'd given absolutely enough attention to the basement people (the evaluators) of my life.
It was time to concentrate on my balcony people and on being a balcony person to others.
- -
I wonder what changes would occur in the lives of in-laws, parents, sisters, cousins, husbands, wives, friends, if we stopped trying to settle every score and discontinued our efforts to straighten out everyone else's life?
Honestly, I know there are some impossible people out there -
I'm related to a few myself. ( smile )
But hear me, this is a plea from my heart:
Criticism and judgmental pronouncements rarely change anyone.
It's only God's incredible love, through us as balcony people, that has been known to work miracles!
- -
*Excerpts from Balcony People by: Joyce Landorf Heatherley. (with a few thoughts of my own added) :)
While uncovering the storehouse of memories in my last post, I also came across this book that I had read years ago and forgotten about. I brought it in and started re-reading...
it's been a super motivator!
It's a small, short chaptered book (my favorite kind.. LOVE short chapters - don't you like to sit down and feel like you can finish a chapter in one sitting?) I think it's only 69 pages total~ but what heavy truths packed into such a short volume.
the prayer of my heart is to live life as a Balcony Person.
and not just merely sitting there... but leaning over
waving my jacket in my hand
hooping and hollering
cheering others on.
towards encouragement.
towards hope.
towards Jesus!
And the main place I can start is right here in my very own home.
Amber.
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| | Posted 6/28/2009 5:44 PM - 430 Views - 54 eProps - 43 comments
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