September 5, 2008
-
there’s no place like….
As girls, from the time we can barely walk what’s one of our favorite things to play…. House, of course. From making soup from sand. Pies from mud. Wrapping our baby dolls in wash clothes. And dressing up like mommy ~ we’re born with the desire to domesticate! It’s how God created us… part of our feminine design…
Well, I’ll never forget the day I grew up – got married – and finally got to play house for REAL.
It was a small, cottage~y place we rented in the lake country of northern Canada. I remember the tremendous joy I had in fixing that place up – making it home. 
On most days I still felt as if I were a kid “playing house.” Especially when I burnt the chicken, turned all the whites PINK, and nearly caught the curtains on fire from the dozens of candles I had burning constantly to make everything smell pretty and homey!
What memories that spot holds~ when we visit shayne’s folks we often drive up by it and sit and look for awhile… it’s really where I got to know the man I had said, ‘till death do us part’ to. And the place I realized I really had not known him AT ALL before I said that!
~ When we came to Ohio some two years later we moved straight into a house we hadn’t even seen before the day we moved in! It was an old (pre-cival war), red brick farmhouse – - we lived there for month’s w/out furniture. Friends graciously gave us little things here and there – a mattress that went on the floor. A loveseat. A folding table… one year old Kate slept in her pack-n-play. Ben who wasn’t due for 2 full weeks arrived early!
No furniture. Two babies under two. And no job! Shayne couldn’t legally work because the green card that seemed all squared away before we moved down, was suddenly held up for 6 months…
That was quite a year! ~
But that house that we THOUGHT was temporary?? ended up being our home for… well, just over 9 years now! Many of you may remember the story behind our landlords telling us they would someday sell it to us ~
We worked and remodeled and renovated and busted and painted and exterminated!!! Weeded and dug and fixed and exterminated some more!!!! And all with the hope and promise that one day it would be ours…
When our sweet old landlord passed away and in stepped his 10 children, it soon became apparent there was no way they were selling any part. section. or piece of this land or home!
Huge death of a vision…
With the reality that this would never be ours we began the wonderful journey of “house hunting.” All we could afford were homes in subdivisions on postage stamp lots – we would have happily have lived in one but Shayne’s business came with lots of “stuff.” not too many folks in a subdivision would appreciate 2 trucks w/ trailers carrying bobcats and excavators parked in the driveway of their neighbor’s home –! and renting a place for the business was an expense that wasn’t an option at that time.
So we waited.. and prayed.
About 4 years ago we found what seemed to be the perfect set up – a house that needed some work with a huge horse barn, (they used the barn to host local rodeos – so that tells you how big it was!), all situated on about 51/2 acres of land. AND… for under 100,000! You can’t buy that much land for that price, let alone with a house & barn on it!
Walking through the house – though very much in need of repair I remember how excited I became – there was so much potential. I could really visualize making this a home ~
We began the process of making our 1st ever offer on a home – - there were no other offers, it seemed a sure thing. Then – came the news of a title that wasn’t clear. Liens on the property. And tons of legalities – the sellers (a bank -.it was a foreclosure) took it off the market ~ no longer for sale!
The disappointment was huge – - but we knew we had prayed for God’s will, and had to trust that He was going to provide something else…
We were back to waiting…
At first I waited in excitement – “what would God do?” but as the days … months… years passed… and it seemed everyone around me was buying homes. Building homes. Moving on. Moving up… and I found myself still in my rented farmhouse, I began to wonder if having something of our own just wasn’t in God’s plan ~
I would often have the “horse farm place” as we called it come to mind – think of how perfect it seemed for us – wonder why it hadn’t worked out – but then remind myself SOMEDAY something would come along… SOMEDAY God would bless us with a beautiful. wonderful place – - all our waiting and prayers and trusting Him would be rewarded. (
)
I mean, from my perspective – snakes in the kitchen. no air conditioning. no dishwasher. leaky ceilings and falling in floors – I know I sure felt like a reward was in order!
At the beginning of the summer Shayne said to me one night – “you’ll never believe what house is back on the market!”
Yep – the horse farm place!
I really couldn’t believe it. Seriously… I couldn’t… but then again… I thought to myself, “Isn’t that just like God?” I knew – I just KNEW this time around God was going to provide it for us…
We went to walk through again – though a bit more broken down – now empty for 9 years!! Still, Shayne and I both were excited about the possibilities. Even the fact it had been empty for 9 years I found interesting! 9 years ago when we moved here would have been when it first came available… but it had sat empty all this time. Had God been saving it for us?So – we made our 2nd ever offer on a home – this time with title and all legal things cleared. – the realtor gave us every indication it was ours.. and so we felt we were on the path to becoming first time homeowners!
The ordeal was long – dealing with a bank owned house is no easy 1-2-3-step process. Throughout the summer we were back and forth with inspections. appraisals. contracts. paperwork.. I never knew how much paper work was involved in buying a home!
Our offer was accepted the beginning of August… it seemed all was falling into place.
Still though, each day as a family we would pray – “if it’s not your will Lord then close the door…”
One morning after praying Kate said to me, “mom, won’t that be neat if God let’s us get the same house we wanted four years ago!” We talked about how God works and how often we don’t always understand when He says “no.” I smiled as I saw her faith being deepened and suddenly felt a NEW excitement in getting this house – - what an incredible testimony for my kids to witness of God’s provision. Of His goodness. And care…
I couldn’t wait for the day I could tell them God had answered their prayers… I couldn’t wait to share with friends what God had done… to write a great xanga post about it all!!!
Our closing date was set for last Thursday – the 28th.
suddenly – In the weeks leading up to it the seller’s realtor began trying to tell us our contract was not “official.” There were still some things her client had forgotten to initial…. We would need to sign a release on our contract so they could draw up another.
Then, it was brought to our attention that this lady had secured another buyer! One that would provide her with the entire commission of the sale (versus splitting it with ours!). She said the buyer wouldn’t show up for the closing… so we had no idea what was going to happen!
we waiting.. and prayed once more for God’s will.
Last Wednesday, the day before our closing, finally she seemed to give in – - I think she saw we weren’t going to be bluffed… she told our realtor, “well, looks like there’s a closing tomorrow!”
As I drove the kids to piano lessons I felt myself give in to all the emotions of my heart – - I had been somewhat guarded, knowing there was a slight chance it might not work out – - but now… oh, how I dreamed on that 35 min. drive!!! How fun would it be to walk into Lowes and say, “I’d like one in that color!” to pick out flooring. To buy a DISHWASHER!!!! To someday be able to get the kids a horse (a dream of mine being raised w/ them myself).
I felt in such awe of how God had worked everything out… despite the clever, manipulating realtor. How after all this time He had not only provided something – but the one home we had really WANTED to begin with!!!
My heart praised Him….
Later that evening when I met up with Shayne he pulled me aside – “it’s not going to work babe!”
“WHAT?”
I thought he was joking…
he explained – A costumer of his was refusing to pay the money he owed for a finished job – it was a lot of money.. ALOT! And the money we needed and were counting on for the closing cost. We HAD to walk into that closing with the money in hand!
As it all began to sink in and I started making other suggestions. ideas. plotting…. Shayne took me by the shoulders and calmly and confidently, as he always is, said, “Honey, we prayed God would close the door if it wasn’t His will – I think this is a clear indication the door is closed!”
As the disappointment crawled over my heart like a dark cloud I felt the anger rise up inside me… immediately I began telling the Lord that He could still do a miracle. That He could change that man’s heart.. that He could reach in and save the day!! That He would get so much more glory by opening the door than closing it!! That that wasn’t very nice of Him to walk us all the way up and THEN slam the door shut!!But there was no time to finish my conversation with Him – we were at church now – - and slipped into the back of the already started service. Someone was playing a piano special… as the soft sound floated back to me I rehearsed the words to the song in my mind ~
“You have longed for sweet peace, and for faith to increase, and have earnestly, fervently prayed. But you cannot have rest, or be perfectly blessed, until all on the altar is laid…”
As the question sang in my head, “is your all on the altar?” the tears that had been burning behind my eyes came flooding out… I got up and left the service and went to a small room that was dark and quiet – - I knelt on my knees and just sobbed my hurting heart out to God. My all was NOT on the altar and I was having a hard time putting it there… I was having a hard time with God!
I didn’t get up from knees that night and suddenly feel content and happy with God’s decision… for days I struggled. For days I went to my knees and poured every thought of disappointment. disillusionment. anger. frustration. hurt. self pity. pride out to the Lord…
Some would say we should never question a sovereign God ~ but since He IS just that He already knows every “why?” inside our hearts.
I learned in a new way those few days that not only does Jesus love me…. But Jesus loves ME!! Me – - in all my floundering and fault. In all my emotion and whining about… He loves ME… just. as. I. am.
And because of that it’s OKAY to dump my heart before Him… He wants that. He longs for that intimacy with us. It’s a relationship He seeks with us – not some duty bound religious habit we go through. I don’t know about you but in my relationships.. when you’re my friend.. when I trust you and feel close to you I tell you EXACTLY how I feel!
And even through working all this out in my heart I felt a great peace and reassurance that God not only cared about exactly how I felt – - He wanted to hear about it! Never once did I feel His embrace loosen… I felt reassured that He was there. And though I was struggling to hold onto Him – - He wasn’t letting go of me!
Isn’t that beautiful? I feel tears brim my eyes to even write it- – - that God….The God of the universe.. who knows every star by name WANTS a relationship with ME – - a relationship marked by candid honesty and not hypocrisy. A relationship of passionate words and not predictable, pious clichés. With God we can share our true feelings, and not what we think we ought to feel or say!!
God and I became better friends through those days of wrestling over His will…
And even though I can’t honestly say I’m okay with His decision – I trust Him! As I’ve learned/ and am learning… it’s okay if I’m not okay with it. I may never be… even this morning when I woke up I thought, “oh, one week ago today was supposed to be our closing!” and felt the sadness creep in all over again – - but it doesn’t matter if I’m ever really “okay” with it. If I “get it.”
Life isn’t about being “okay” with God’s plan for me – it’s about yielding regardless of whether or not I like it. It’s about lifting my hands and saying, “I trust you.” It’s realizing my whole existence here has nothing whatsoever to do with ME – it’s not about living some way in order to someday be “rewarded.” Though I know the Lord blesses those who obey Him – but that should not be our motivation. (and His blessings are so different than the blessings we have in mind!) It’s not about chasing the American dream. It’s not about whether I ever own a home of my own. Or one single material possession…
We were not put here on earth to pursue happiness – we were put here to Glorify. Worship. And commune with God! This is only the dress rehearsal of our REAL life to come – a life of eternity with God where we will – - – - Glorify. Worship. And commune with Him – - – forever!
We were made by God and FOR GOD…. and until we understand that life will never make any sense.
We (I) get it all wrong so often – - “delight yourself in the Lord and He’ll give you the desires of your heart..” We think, “Okay – wow! I’d better get to delighting so I can get that nice home. That new baby. That husband. That car. That great job!!” But delight doesn’t mean jump up and down and act as happy and content with the Lord as you possibly can – - -it means YIELD yourself in the Lord. Surrender! Surrender your desires – then watch as what the LORD wants for you becomes stronger than your own desires! His will becomes bigger than your own ~
Or the famous Romans 8: 28 – - – when bad things happen we console ourselves with, “oh well… God will work everything out for good.” Meaning – - – somehow He’ll make everything have a happy ending! Not true. Not everything on earth does end happy – - but every single thing that happens in our life works TOGETHER (not separately or independently) into God’s plan. As one author said, “they are not isolated acts, but interdependent parts of the process to make us like Christ.”
this morning I read this by Elisabeth Elliot ~ “One rainy afternoon at Wheaton College in 1947 my friend Sarah Spiro and I were at the piano in Williston Hall. I had written down a few lines of a prayer, which I hoped was poetry. Sarah studied them for a minute and then set them to music. I haven’t a copy of the music, but here are the words:
Lord, give me a quiet heart
That does not ask to understand,
But confident steps forward in
The darkness guided by Thy hand.
This was my heart’s desire then. It is the same today. A willing acceptance of all that God assigns and a glad surrender of all that I am and have constitute the key to receiving the gift of a quiet heart.
Whenever I have balked, the quietness goes. It is restored and life immeasurably simplified, when I have trusted and obeyed.
God loves us with an everlasting love. He is unutterably merciful and kind, and sees to it that not a day passes without the opportunity for new applications of the old truths of becoming a child of God.
This, to me, sums up the meaning of life.”
In reading this I was reminded of a short conversation I had with Elisabeth Elliot years ago. I asked if she could give me any set of advice what would it be? I remember the slight smile that spread over her mouth as she quickly replied in her matter of fact tone, “To see Christ in everything.”
I’m sure the smile was there because she had lived it… struggled through.. and come to accept the truth of it.
Well, Elisabeth, if you happen to be reading this… I’m trying to follow that advice!
“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.”
“Surrender is not the best way to live; it is the only way to live. Nothing else works.”
- – - someday… when we finally meet our Lord face to face I think we’ll all know as we’ve never known before the truth behind the saying, “there’s no place like….. H.O.M.E!”next to the heart of Jesus is the shelter I long to abide in,
amber ~.
love the words to this song~ to me they sum it all up.
Comments (40)
Thanks for sharing ~ real faith (for me) is demonstrated even when things don’t turn out the way we wanted. To still love God and know that He truly wants what’s best for us is the most awesome thing in the world!!!
aww..this post brought back memories…its so hard to let go of a dream, then you get to the place were you don’t want to dream any more cause it’s too painful to give it up….as I look back on our house experience before we bought here, I’m so thankful the other 3 houses fell through, and then He miraculously provided this place! Yes, it’s hard to surrender to Him, but He does love us, and wants to Bless us…..saying a prayer for you~
What a great post Amber… I could feel your journey through the story. And I know that feeling. I am dying to know what next year holds! Will we move? Will we stay here? If we move, where? Will there be a church for us there? Will we find an affordable place to live? How will we educate the children? I don’t know and with the options so wide it scares me and enthralls me at the same time… How fickle I can be! So thanks for the struggle with the Lord that you shared. I’m not alone in my questions; desperately trying to prepare myself and not get too set on one course.
HUGS! ~Love ya, A~
Oh, Amber…my emotions were going all up and down and tears were not far from my eyes as i read every word flowing from your heart as you’ve been on quite the journey these past few months. i was so blessed by your attitude and still strong faith in the ONE who never fails. i loved how you said it’s ok to pour out your heart to Him…how He longs for that. Sometimes our greatest disappointents are God’s appointments. I can just imagine how you must feel…I love your honesty before God as I have battled similar questions myself. So you actually got to talk to Elizabeth Eliott face to face? I l love that precious woman of God! I want to “see Christ in everything too” Hugs, prayers, and blessings~ jen
thanks for sharing your heart! This is so real, so “where” I am at!!!!
I’ve come to realize that sometimes the biggest desires of your heart is not what is best for you, which I have struggled with for the last 4yrs, trying to let go realizing that I am not in control. I like to be in control. Thank-you for sharing, and thank-you so much for your words of encouragement the other day, I feel so much better, I’ve put into action (trying to;) ). Perhaps a better and bigger house will come along…or maybe you have a neighbor that really needs you to be their neighbor and you are an encouragement and witness to them….God bless….Susie
Wonderful post. I continually need that reminder….My Father knows what is best…..and it doesn’t mean it is what I want. I was wanting you to get the house….but I cannot see God’s best for you and your family. He is glorified as you have surrendered to Him. Praising Him! Jenny
Thanks for sharing your story. We are actually looking for a home right now, and it seems every one of them was just perfect until something happened to “take it away”. I know that sinking feeling (not to the extent that you felt) , but it always came from what I thought was ours, wasn’t.
I have heard of landlords with good intentions someday selling a hometo the current renters. Then the tenants put their hearts into fixing it up and making it into a very valuable home only to have the landlord decide he would like to keep it for himself. I was sad to hear how your story turned out on this, but really inspired by your perspective on how God works. Can’t wait to hear about the home you have waiting for you all in the future.
I was just telling a friend today that I’m so convinced that there are no coincidences with God… everything he brings into our lives, good or bad, are to bring us closer to him and will if we allow them too. Your heart is beautiful in this and although I am sorry you are experiencing yet another disappointment I’m convinced God does not have you on this journey alone. I can just imagine HIM cheering you on and saying, “Amber, you get it.. you’re turning your eyes to me… you are holding me hostage with one glance of your eyes (Song of Sol. 4:9) You are bringing that Glory back to God… beautiful. May God always go before you as you dance through these dance rehearsels.
I’m not really sure what to say…I want to say that I’m sorry that you went through all of this. Yet, God used this trial to test you and you responded well. Thank you for your example.
…Looking forward to seeing what God has in store for you and your family.
Your blog is a real blessing. Thank you for sharing your story about the house. I want to print it out to read to my husband later. God Bless you.
“We were made by God and FOR GOD…. and until we understand that life will never make any sense.” You are wise beyond your years, dear Amber. I am going to pray that the Lord pours down His mighty blessings upon you and your precious family. Be watching for them. I doubt they’ll come in the form of anything tangible – as you said, His blessings are so opposite often to what we have in mind. But when they come there’s no mistaking them. The treasures found therein are far more valuable than any earthly home. But I have a feeling you’re already discovering this.
I know to be vulnerable isn’t easy. Oh, if we could all be more so with one another! Your unptetentious writing is a breath of fresh air! THANK YOU for opening your heart and letting us take a peek inside. Some beautiful work is going on there!
Dear Father, tighten your embrace around Amber extra special right now, from me!
Oh, this post was painful and encouraging to read BOTH at the same time! So real. So true. I’ve experienced (as all of us do) death of a vision. Disappointment. Hurt. Wondering. Aching. Trusting in God’s perfect sovereignty but still childish enough to WANT what I WANT. And I’m with you…..desiring to REST (like Emma) in the arms of my heavenly Father who loves me more than I can fathom or understand…..and He WILL do what is best for me, no matter what I seem to think! We are so, so loved. I’m sorry for your heartache right now. My mom always reminds me that no matter what circumstances come our way, they did not come to us without already being sifted through the Father’s hands. He knows.
i was back and forth with ya the whole way through reading this…….i thought for sure in the end you were going to say you got it! man, that sucks!! i understand your feelings. but you seem to have the right perspective on it all. i really admire your faith! i think i’ll remember this story when God has a different plan than what i thought would happen. i love the song at the end by mercyme – it’s one of my favorites. and the video is really cool – did you do it? hope you have a super sweet saturday. <>< m.
arg! i meant to put one of these little dodads on with my comment. —->
Great post! Sorry to hear about this disappointment. It only makes us wonder what God DOES have in store for you and your family in regards to housing. What a blessing it is to share the emotions that come with this life here on earth.
J
Oh Amber ~ what a mighty work God is doing in your life! I know this is HARD and it HURTS, but God has something in mind for you! You are coming through this time of testing in glorious colors and it is not escaping His eyes or His heart! Someday you will truly be able to say, “Thank you Lord!” as you look back and see His “working all things for your good.” Thank you so much for this beautiful testimony and for sharing your heart!
This post tore my heart, too. You are so beautiful in the way you let God mold you!
And you did a great job with your house; love your decor.
i LOVE your new header!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on the topic of your post… this is the type of life happening that demonstrates to your children what faith and trust and relationship w/ God look like. God is your Provider, and He knows best… it will be awesome to see what He provides, to His glory!
~*
This really spoke to me on so many levels. I understand your journey. Been there before. And continue to come back to it. Learning to trust and depend on Jesus in every area of life. Remember He sees the whole picture and is working something bigger than we can imagine. But I’ll pray too He gives you great house!
I was talking with a friend tonight about the currant situation regarding my husbands job. We moved here about six months ago and thought this was where God had us. Had just settled into a new home, new church, and new school for the children. Then, last week found out he is losing his job! We have NO IDEA where we are going from here! My friend said to me, “I have something for you to read!” And directed me HERE. My heart was tremendously encouraged to read your testimony of trial and trust. I feel inspired once again to turn my desires and expectations to Him. I smiled when you spoke about feeling you deserved a “reward.” How often have I felt that way. That FINALLY perhaps now we might settle down and stay in one place for longer than a year! I was encouraged to read through the various comments as well. To see that so many have walked the same road. Knowing you are not alone in your struggles certainly spurs you to keep on going! So, thank you for sharing this publicly. May we be comforted knowing God makes no mistakes. I loved your last paragraph about finally getting “HOME.” Won’t that be a wonderful place to SETTLE DOWN! (Hallelujah!) Perhaps we’ll be neighbors. hee-hee. If not, I will certainly look you up! In His grace – Trisha
hi. you don’t know me so hope you don’t mind me commenting. but i know whenever i’m sad i try to think of all i do have and not what i dont. cause when i get sucked into thnking of all i wish i had life pretty much stinks everyewhere i look. i know alot of girls would give their right eye for what youve got. your killer gorgeous. beautiful fam. looks like a nice house you rent. and you have a deep faith. and seem prety happy all around. so i know what your saying about the house and all but compared to alot of others your rich when you think about it!
gotta cool site here too
ah. i just read back over my comment. i sound freakin preachy!!!!!!!! im sorry. didnt mean it that way. meant it as a compliment and to cheer you up.
oh, how your heart blesses me! and i know it blesses Jesus even more! surrender is a heartbreaking, agonizing, precious, and beautiful thing.
much love and many hugs for your honest sharing!
I think being disappointed with the outcome of something has nothing whatsoever to do with being discontent! We can accept where God has, but not always like it. To me there is a difference. Often the most discontented people are those who have everything they want. True contentment is saying “Yes” to Jesus in every area.
Your “Yes Jesus” was beautiful to read. Thanks Amber!
sorry for the disappointment – and I’m sure disappointment feels like an understatement ~ you’re on the right track though on your thoughts and trust about it all – after six years of working toward building our house on our land, and discovering once again it is not going to work, I know the feeling of wanting something that God doesn’t seem to want — resting that He knows best is hard – but it’s where peace lies, I know you know.~
happy Sunday~
you really got to meet elisabeth elliot? that is mucho cool! nice site. you got cute kids.
@foreverL8 -
i couldn’t agree more with your words – - i HAVE been tremendously, incredibly BLESSED!!! i feel RICH indeed… in all the ways that truly matter.
thanks for stopping by~ that was some good preachin’!!!
@gabbie -
yeah.. it was cool! i was nineteen and heard her speak at a conference.. went up afterwards to get her to sign some books & ended up being the last one in line – so she took some extra time to talk… such a neat woman of God! always be a favorite memory~!
I too understand your journey…but God is able, and if He closed the door He’ll have another timing or something better. : ) I know the wait must be very difficult though. Once we had our hearts set on 80 acres and had already been looking for old cottages to be moved from the city to the land. It was so odd! We had our sights on a darling, darling old house. It looked like something from a Thomas Kinkade painting. First the house was sold to someone else. Okay…then on the day of closing of the land…within hours of the closing, one of the papers was refused a signature by the xwife. We were blown away.
Your pictures are just beautiful, I love them! And you know from knowing me a short time…I love the color green, so soothing, so peaceful. : )
Enjoyed your entry here, I could sure relate, I’ll sure be in prayer. : ) Bless you and that pretty family. Love, Amelia
Like the song. Like the message. Glad you shared=]
ooo that sounds fun! I would definitely love doing that with y’all!
just figure out a date and let me know what’s good for you (weekends are best for me).
want you know, the Lord really used this post in our relationship. I usually feel guilty for complaining to the Lord, because I know if complain to PEOPLE it’ll make me mad.. bitter… grumpy.. and leak those attitudes on them. So I try to just put away those things all the time; problem is I don’t always take care of them, just put it aside.
and of course He didn’t do those things, but left PEACE there.. and THANKfulness for the good… and FAITH that He’d take care of things.
Now it seems pretty obvious to me, but before I read this and let the Lord speak to me about/through it I didn’t think about the fact that if I’m talking to the Lord, there’s no bitterness in HIM.. and when I’m giving things to HIM, He’s not going to just take it and leave something wrong there to replace the burden…
so I gave it a try
thanks for letting yourself be a part of His pottery wheel
First of all, I think your new header is ADORABLE!!! So creative!
Second, this post touches so many places in my heart as I look at where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going in my walk with the Lord. He uses our circumstances to teach us and grow us into the person we are to become more like (Christ), doesn’t He? Thank you for that reminder and encouragement to praise and press on.
Third, the quote by E. Elliot is one of the ones that I had on my refrigerator for YEARS. How often I needed the Lord to help me quiet my heart and give me the confidence to take the next step, even if that meant in the darkness of not understanding what was going on. I have learned that a step forward in the dark grows my faith while, in contrast, fear of taking that next step stifles, hinders, and locks me down. I much prefer blind steps of faith (if you will) to the false sense of security that ”leaning on my own understanding” brings. I would rather have NO understanding than to LEAN on my own when it comes to making decisions. (Interesting that that verse doesn’t tell us not to have understanding; it just tells us not to LEAN on OUR OWN.)
Fourth, love your encouragement to “yield,” or surrender. It is a daily thing, isn’t it? It will always be hard because we have to deal with our flesh daily, surrender it daily, die daily. “Hard is not bad; hard is just hard.” How many times I tell myself that because for so long I equated hard with bad. Disappointments come. Disappointments will continue to come (this side of Heaven). But, I don’t have to give in to disappointment. If I have truly surrendered my emotions to be ruled by Him and not me, then I will be equipped to meet disappointment with praise, knowing that God has ordered that very disappointment for my good and given me the measure of grace that I need to endure the pain and press on in my walk.
Fifth, THANK YOU for sharing little bits and pieces of your walk with us. I am blessed by the intersecting of our paths, where we have a chance to pause along our journey, refresh ourselves in the Lord, share our hearts, encourage one another, and press on in our walks. “Stand at the crossroad and see; ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; there you will find rest for your souls.” Jer. 6:16
Praying for you and rejoicing in all that the Lord is doing in your life. Hugs!
I subscribed to your blog because of LOVE your photography and graphic design skills! I enjoy both myself. I don’t remember how I found you. It might have been in the “Revive Our Hearts” blog ring. I also love how much you love to homemake. I am enjoying it too as I’ve been out on my own and married for a little more than a year. It truly is a joy. Anyway, instead of just being an anonymous viewer, I thought I’d at least leave a little comment. =)
P.S. So you’re originally from Canada? I had a friend from Toronto, Ontario and dream of visiting up there again.
Praise God for His work of grace!
Thank you for sharing your testimony! I agree w/”findthefreedom”, Your “Yes Jesus” was beautiful to read. ((HUGS))
Oh, Amber I LOVE this! Truly can’t tell you how much I’ve been blessed. This is something that I’ve been thinking a lot about. Having a heart that is so in-love with it’s Jesus that nothing else matters or bothers it. This past year has been one of the spiritually hardest years of my life. I struggled with so many things! Roommates/house mates that were difficult and caused many, many sleepless nights. My dad got remarried. A few other things that caused very painful heartaches. For a few months I went through some serious depression. I felt so alone. I stopped laughing, smiling, having fun. I’m not exactly sure what brought me out of it. But after a visit with some very dear friends(who lived on the other side of the mountain) Jer and I were heading home. I realized how little I had laughed this year. It felt GOOD to laugh again! To feel.
When I came home(U.S. home)I was still really struggling with moving past a few those heartaches. I forgave and forgave and forgave. It still hurt. Then one morning a thought popped into my head. And I said “Um… God, I think you have the wrong person!!! Can’t you see all the mistakes I’ve made this year?! I’m NOT the person You want doing this!” His response was “That’s why I want YOU to do this.” Now I can’t say YET what that is, but the part I can share is that through praying/thinking about the “project” I started to in a sense “complete” the forgiving process. God doesn’t just want me to forgive, but to LEARN through my mistakes as well as the ones of the people around me.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned/am still learning is that one. The point of my life is NOT for me! It’s to bring honor and glory to God. What I want, feel, think is irrelevant. What HE wants, feels, and thinks is what’s important. What HE wants ME to want, feel, and think is important. Every little action, every little word spoken, every little thought, every little attitude, everything is supposed to bring Him glory. Now of course I’m not perfect and God doesn’t expect me to be, but He does expect me to live my life for Him. Some of the heartache that I’ve experienced this year was watching some dear, dear friends go from being interested in God and why we believe in God to not being interested at all. And the reason for that was some Christians not acting like Christians. Acting like the world and speaking like the world. It still breaks my heart to think about it. (on that note i know my job is only to plant seeds. God gives the increase and it’s not my right to see that. i’ve been able to give those people up to His care.)
by the way… I LOVE that song! I heard it a few months ago and it’s become one of my new favorites!!! Along with The Blessing and Still Calls me Son. And an old one is Heart Cries Holy.
Love ya lots!!! One day when I get time I’m going to actually get my post up that talks about what I just “short” versioned for ya!
“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” I want to frame that and display it in a prominent place in my home!
What an amazing post, amazing testimony – you’ve done it again, Amber. God has really blessed you with a gift in communicating truths and I so appreciate your genuine-ness.
I still hope you get that horse place! But as it stands right now, I know you have encouraged so many people such as myself; we can all identify with disappointments and waiting in life.
HUGS to you, lovely lady!!!
Hi.. I know you don’t know me, but I just wanted to comment on your blog.
It was so encouraging to me to read all that you wrote!! I have gone through many disappointments in life myself, but sad to say, I haven’t always looked at them as you did this one!! Or didn’t come to that place as quickly as you did!! Anyway, it really ministered to my heart, and was a reminder to me to keep trusting God and HIS perfect plan for my life, even if it doesn’t make sense to me!! I love all your posts, and the down-to-earth way that you write!! 
I love your pics too, and think your little family is so neat!! 
Hope you have a Blessed day, and rest of the week!! And I hope and pray that God will bless you with the desires of your heart!! 
~Carol