November 12, 2010

  • {new blog}

    we moved to a new country..
    and i moved to a new blog.

    here:: grace_to_be

    pop on over and check it out. :)

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber

November 5, 2010

  • {my last post}

    There are so many things I want to say. To write and express.
    And the words are there. I can see them.
    Like floating scrabble pieces in my mind.

    But when I reach for them and try to make some sort of sense in connecting sentences I find myself freezing up….

    This is my last post to write from this house. We’re headed out on Sunday. Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of activity. Of packing and saying goodbye. My eyes stop and stare for a minute at those last two words. saying goodbye?” I hear them repeat back inside me. And feel my heart tighten as I start to miss the familiar, even now.

    I was packing the last of the boxes upstairs this afternoon and walking from room to room to make sure we had everything. I found myself standing for awhile in each one. Shutting my eyes and lifting my face upward and just listening. Listening to the memories that echo so loudly inside those walls. The talks and the tears and the laughter. How that in these rooms I’ve learned to be a better mom. A better wife. What it means to surrender my will and find something sweeter in His. To know the joy of a family who loves you. And the security that they do no matter what. I think of the friends who’ve passed through here. The parties and fun and eating we’ve done together. The crazy games and my furniture getting destroyed. :)

    I stopped and looked out the window in Ben’s room for a long time. Letting my eyes go slowly around the yard, taking it all in. The long lane up to the house… recalling all the walks to the mailbox down it. The snow covered icy attempts up it. The welcome sight it always was after a long trip.

    I saw the tire swing too. Gently rocking back and forth in the chilly fall wind. It looks lonely. And I hope whoever rents this house after us will have children. And maybe they too will enjoy hours of exhilaration, flying high with toes pointed as far as they can, trying to touch the sky!

    From my bedroom window I saw my flower gardens. Brown and lifeless now. But I know.. know of the beauty that’s there. And they’ll continue to bloom their artwork and bring someone else the smiles of satisfaction they brought me through the years.

    There’s the field beyond the house — where Ben would ride his dirt bike. where a million pictures were taken in the tall yellow grass.  where our dog, Skylar is buried. and where times of frustration were walked off in countless circles around it.

    Back in the summer, when I first knew we’d be moving, I said to Shayne one day, “I’m going to miss this house.”

    “I thought you always hated it.” He laughed.

    But I wasn’t talking about the moldy basement and sunken ceilings in the kids rooms. I was talking about what we’ve become in our years living here. How I feel in so many ways that this is the house I grew up in. “This house that built me.”

    Last night as I locked the door before going to bed, I was thinking of how spooked I was when we first moved here. Living way out in the country in the middle of a cornfield!  But I learned to be brave here. To find courage and face my fears. And that goes way beyond just knowing where the shotgun shells are hidden.

    And it’s hard. Hard to say goodbye to our home of 12 years. But the goodbye’s to come tomorrow of those we love. Gulp. They are a home to me of another kind. Holding so much of what I consider the dearest and most precious to me.

    My mom came to get Reese this afternoon… she said she just wanted to hold her the whole day!

    Suddenly, that thought makes me want to call Shayne right now, who’s on his way back from Canada, and tell him the whole thing’s off. ;)

    But. pause. “When my heart is overwhelmed… lead me to the ROCK {steadfast.strong.unmoveable}that is higher than I.” ps.61:2

    And there. Upon that strength, I find the courage to pack one more box. It’s not a tangible one. Like these big, brown, smelly ones surrounding me. It’s small and tucked back in a place inside me not very many people ever see. And I pull it out. Like I’ve done over and over again throughout my life…and take all the deepest, most sensitive parts of my heart, gather them up in somewhat of a crumpled heap and place them inside.

    And the label I mark on it isn’t, “storage,” or “Canada.”
    It’s says simply, “His.”
    Because I am.

    That’s why when everything inside you wants to stay, you can put your hand in The One who knows what He’s doing and where He’s leading. And that hand holding yours holds something else too – a precious imprint of a scar that reminds you… reminds you He knows a thing or two about pain and surrender and leaving His home for another.        

    Oh the winds of change,
    They blow slow and cool!
    Oh the wandering of a fool,
    But I have laid it down,
    In my Father’s hands,
    Where the weight of suffering,
    Is carried by the arms of a cross,
    Healing my loss…

    Where I can walk,
    Where I can run,
    Where my heart sings,
    And I feel the sun,
    Where I can trust,
    And I’m strong enough,
    Free like the wind,
    I’ll run into my Father’s arms

    Finally home.

    See you on the other side as gracetobe~ where it’s certainly going to be enough!


    p.s. thanKs for all the input on the new blog name.
    in the end it was between placesofgrace & gracetobe.
    i loved them both and couldn’t decide.. so i let shayne. :)

November 1, 2010

October 28, 2010

  • {deciding on a new name}

    I guess maybe it’s time to finally change my username after all these years.
    Hutch5 doesn’t fit us anymore. :)

    Of course the obvious is simply changing it to Hutch6~
    but for some reason that one just doesn’t jive with me.
    It doesn’t have the same ring or something.

    Like when you stand on top of a mountain and shout it out really loud 10 times…
    Try it. It just doesn’t work.

    Besides, I feel like we’re about to embark on something different in our lives –
    more than just a new chapter, a whole new book.
    An adventure like we’ve never had.

    Not merely standing on the edge of the unknown – but jumping out into it’s dark abyss.

    And not a little jump either…
    the kind you back way up for, run as hard as you can, shut your eyes extra tight, heart pounding out of your chest, and. JUMP!
    Hoping somehow you’ll land on your feet and not die in the process. :)

    a new name on the place I document our crazy wonderful journey only seems right.

    One night, back when I was on bedrest, but not sleeping :) .. I played around on Picnik with the ones I was thinking about.

    Here they are – tell me which one you like best::

    I will say, I like the “grace” ones more than the “focus” ones…

    Since I’m feelin G.R.A.C.E is sorta, kinda, totally, completely the theme of our lives right now! :)

    ****~   **

    We’re planning on doing our annual family Christmas pics on Saturday, so I’m working/ trying to decide on outfits.
    Here’s our family shoots from years past – just for fun. 07.08.09.
    I’ve never been a huge RED person, but found these shoes at Baby Gap and loved and bought.

    Is it bad to plan a whole photo shoot around a pair of shoes??

    grams & gramps visit 068

    I’m thinking black and white w. some great splashes of red here and there.

    And this chair… it would fit nicely too.
    grams & gramps visit 100

    Are your Christmas pictures done yet?
    Do you get stressed with the process…
    or, I should say, does your husband and kids get stressed with the process? ;)

    I admit I always feel a bit nervous cause I have this “artsy vision” in my head of what I want it to look like -
    and no, not just the given expectation of everyone looking at the camera at the same time and no fingers up noses {yes, that includes adults too}.

    And if this poison ivy doesn’t clear up by then remember when you get your Christmas card I do not have a strange birth mark or was recently rescued from a burning building! I did say I wanted splashes of red here and there didn’t I…  

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber


October 26, 2010

  • {looking for the lovely}

    Today it rained.

    Like one of those chilly fallish kind of rains that causes you to reach for your favorite gray knee socks and coziest sweater – you know the one, with the little lint balls all over it and maybe a hole under the arm..

    I stood at the back door for awhile and watched the rain pour down. Noticing the few remaining leaves on the trees whipping and shaking in the wind.. as if holding on to their branches for dear life not wanting to let go. Tonight, the big huge oak outside my bedroom window is much emptier now. I think in the end the wind won. Now the leaves lay in a wet lifeless heap on the ground underneath. I find a melancholy settle over me as the thought comes to mind that I won’t be here in the spring to see that tree in all it’s glory once again.

    And suddenly I realize.. I’m going to miss that tree.
    Is that dumb. To miss a tree?
    If it is that’s okay. I’ll be the dumb person who’s going to miss a tree.

    But if a tree could talk, man oh, man the stories it could tell of our times here!
    Standing as a wooden guard by our house over the last 12 years…
    creating the perfect shade for picnics and dream of a climbing tree for the kids.

    But.. I didn’t mean to write a post about a tree.
    I guess I was just thinking out loud there a minute…

    What I was going to write about was the gorgeous day we had before the rainy one –
    and how glad I was that Emma and I took a walk on that day and gathered up all the pretty things we could find.


    …it struck me when we were walking how that from inside our house looking out things didn’t seem too colorful or inviting… but when we got out and looked for the beauty we found it! sometime things in life appear worse than what they are, simply because we choose to stay in the box we’ve created around ourselves.. instead of being willing to step out and look for the good {the beauty} in the situation. Sure, it’s not always easy to spot. We might have to search a bit, dig a little deeper, and even push a few things aside – like I had to do for some of the pretty berries and flowers that were buried beneath the dead leaves. But, if we’re wanting to see it, wanting to find it, we certainly will!

    That was a good lesson to me in searching for the lovely in the drab times of life… even though it might seem from first glance there’s none to be had!


    {i loved the different color berries we found}

    We brought all our little finds home and spread them on the kitchen table.
    Emma decided we should open a flower shop, telling me-

    “you do the debt-or-ating wif our stuff and i will do the money…”

    (: Sounded like a good arrangement to me. 


    Actually, she turned out to be a good little business woman…
    making eight dollars and something from the guys who work for Shayne!
    One of them asked her how much for one of the leaves and she said,

    “Two dollars.”

    “Well, let me get my wallet from my car…”

    Emma looked up. Eyes wide with surprise and answered,

    “You are weally doeing to div me TWO DOLFERS for dat!!”

    Later while Kate was at ballet Emma wanted to go somewhere and spend her newly found business fortune.
    After walking the toy aisles of Target for the whole hour and half time slot we had before picking Kate back up,
    she finally settled on a generic rubik’s cube. hello kitty lip gloss. and a small plastic laptop.

    In the checkout lane she fumbled with her Barbie wallet, spilling the quarters nickels dimes and 12 million pennies all over the floor.
    When the lady told her the total she handed her the fist full of change she’d just scooped off the floor…

    “No, baby… ” I corrected. “You need your big money.”

    I reached into her clutched Barbie wallet and pulled out the singles.

    “But I want to pay wif these…” She said, bending down to pick up more of the spilled coins.

    “It doesn’t work that way, sweetie..” I explained as I attempted to count out the waded bills, aware of the impatient looking lady in line behind us.

    Now my kids have never been public fit throwers. Key word on public. They each know how to throw a royal dish of a fit in their own right just fine… But suddenly, Emma {very publicly} flung the change in her hand back on the floor and grabbed my leg, burying her head in it and crying loudly.

    “But I don’t want to div dat wady my money…!!!”

    I patted my heartbroken child on the head as I handed over her prized dollar bills and felt very much like the scary looking old men in the bank scene of Mary Poppins singing, “Tuppence,” as they greedily eyed the coin in Michael’s hand. I could feel the stares of the fellow shoppers and wanted to turn around and explain, “Look, people.. she WANTED to buy these things. I’m not some mean mom making my daughter spend her money when she doesn’t want to!!!” 

    I paid for my own things. Gathered our bags. And limped out with my sobbing 5 year old still attached to my leg.

    In the van as we talked things through I asked her if she wanted to return what she had bought -
    She told me, no. She wanted those things. But she wanted her money too!

    Oh, don’t we all. ;)

    I tried making her understand it just didn’t work that way, but wasn’t sure she really got it.

    But this morning when she woke me up with,

    “O-tay. Dis is what I doeing to do. Take my fings to da store and det dem to div me my money back! Den… you tan buy me dose fings wif YOUR money!”

    Hmm. On second thought. Yeah. She got it!
    And I’m thinking there’s a future in there as a business woman after all. ;)

    {picnik has a new textures effect that i had fun trying out and playing around with}

    I don’t think our little flower shop venture worked out so well for me though – -
    I started itching something fierce last night and woke up to a nasty rash all over my neck!
    Apparently one of the lovely red leaves I pulled was poison ivy!!!
    I’ve never had it in my life, and man! hope it’s the last.

    My grandma was telling me when she was a girl, going to school in a one room school house that one of the things the girls would do at recess was find a poison ivy leaf and write the name of the boy they liked on their arm. Then, when they broke out in the rash it spelled out the name!! Hmm.. I told her they must have been short on entertainment back then. ;)

    Well, I’ve been jumping up and down throughout trying to write this to take care of one fussy little Reese.
    Not sure if I ate something she’s not liking or what..
    sure hoping she doesn’t get this poison ivy – is it contagious?
    I should google it. But google usually freaks me out more than helps.
    She’s finally settled and I think is sleeping, which means I should be too. :)

    So, one last slathering of Caladryl and I’m off to bed!

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber


October 24, 2010

  • {a living prayer}

    thinking of this song (lots) as I head into a new week.
    a week of change and adjustment.
    feeling caved in by those smelly brown boxes…
    but desiring for my focus to go beyond what’s surrounding me, to what’s sustaining me~ Him.

    … in His love I find relief. amen and amen. :)  

    In this world I walk alone
    With no place to call my home,
    But there’s one who holds my hand
    Through rugged roads, through barren lands.
    The way is dark, the road is steep,
    But He’s become my eyes to see,
    The strength to climb, my griefs to bear.
    The Savior lives inside me there.

    In Your love I find relief,
    A haven from my unbelief.
    Take my life and let me be
    A living prayer, my God, to Thee.

    In these trials of life I find
    Another voice inside my mind.
    He comforts me and bids me live
    Inside the love the Father gives.

    In Your love I find relief,
    A haven from my unbelief.
    Take my life and let me be
    A living prayer, my God, to Thee.

    Take my life and let me be
    A living prayer, my God, to Thee.

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber


October 22, 2010

  • {and just like that she was a teenager}

    On 10.10.10 our Kate turned thirteen!

    I think I would usually say right about now,
    “Where have the years gone?”
    But I told myself I wasn’t going to ask.
    Because I know the answer….

    I see it stretched out like a timeline before my eyes.
    A long, skinny, beautiful, vibrant, alive timeline in the face of my firstborn.
    And in looking at her I see exactly where the years have gone…

    they’ve gone into a million moments of tears. and millions more of joy. they echo with a high pitched contagious kind of giggle. that makes me think immediately of a little nose crinkled up a certain way that always accompanies that giggle. they’ve been filled with serious talks and times when words weren’t necessary. they’ve held plenty of i’m sorry’s, a few tantrums, and more hugs than can be counted. it’s been about discovery. learning what it means to parent like Him and be a daughter of His. how in learning that individually, it makes the us in our relationship better. it’s been about growing. understanding. giving grace and needing it even more. it’s been about surprises. a few that knock the wind out of you in that unexpected way. but most of which are the kind that find you grinning from ear to ear, for no particular reason, only that your heart is so full. so blessed. so grateful.

    So even though I don’t need to ask, where the years have gone? I will say.. man! they’ve gone too fast!

    There’s something different about your firstborn.
    Not that they’re more special than the other kids – only uniquely distinctive…
    in that they were the one to give you the name “mom” to begin with.
    And Kate has certainly made me enjoy that name.
    And… be very sobered by it at times as well.

    I’ve always said she was so much like her daddy.
    But in more recent years I see a new likeness emerging…
    and I think I recognize it’s blurry image more and more each day.
    Though I do wish she’d stop carrying that huge mirror with her everywhere she goes! ;)

    One of the good things that’s come from Shayne being gone during this season of life is the friendship that has deepened with Kate and I.
    I felt we were close before, but now.. it’s like there’s more of that understanding and sense of just “knowing” that good friends seem to have.
    So often we’ll be talking and I’ll find myself thinking, “I like this girl!” :) She’s just an amazing little person. And I learn from her life in a big way.

    I used to think it was good parents that made good kids – but now I see it’s the other way around!

    Here’s 13 things I love about Kate::
    *She’s thoughtful – every week she has atleast 2 or 3 cards to mail out to people, just to let them know they’re special.
    *She’s a servant – often doing things before being asked.. and sometimes having to be asked to STOP. she would just keep going and going. :)
    *She’s not moody – she has such a steady, calming way about her. something not common in girls {or women} ;)
    *She’s creative – always drawing. painting. making cards. designing something. or coming up with big ideas!
    *She’s kind – in the real kind of way and not in the, “i’m only doing this cause i think this is how i’m supposed to act” kind of way.
    *She’s loyal – usually laid back and reserved unless you talk about her family, or her God. she surprised us all this summer during the musical production she was in with her boldness for Christ. what do they say about still waters running deep? exactly.
    *She’s sincere in her walk with the Lord – she’s so faithful to spend time in the Word every morning without being told.
    *She’s a great sister – she loves running crazy with Ben, sitting playing dolls with Emma, or cuddling with Reese. She’s the big sister everyone would want. :)
    *She’s Canadian – there’s a soft spot in my heart for anything Canadian. ;) and I love that she shares that special little thing with her daddy.
    *She’s confident – in a quiet sort of “i know who i am and what i want” kind of way.
    *She’s fun – she likes putting on dance parties with her friends and brother and sister!
    *She’s comfortable – in that others feel at ease around her.
    *She’s got a big heart – and I can’t wait to see all the things God’s going to fill it up with for His glory!!!

    We spent the whole week of her birthday celebrating..
    with a present to open each day.
    special girls night out w. mom.
    dinner w.mamaw & papaw.
    shopping with the uncles.
    and parties at the start and finish. 

    EVERYONE enjoyed Kate turning 13!! :)

    Here’s a bunch of the pictures from all that~

    first party w.some of her best girlfriends


    surprise costume party and friends

    a pirate. a fairy.and a puppy

    and a hippie


    when asked what I was dressed up as I said, “a tired mom.” ;)
    I think I pull the look off pretty well.

    fun games


    musical chairs – always been my favorite all time party game. so fun!

    Mrs.V  boogieing to the music! We love our Mrs.V :)

    Wheelbarrow Race

    though some had to resort to different methods

    some of the faces from the day


    I started a journal that I’m going to keep especially for Kate through her teen years.
    To share my thoughts, advice, memories of her. I want to make a point to write in it every day.
    I told her she’s free to pick it up and read it anytime.. not just some kind of heirloom thing she has to wait on until she’s married or I die. ;)
    And it’ll help motivate me to be faithful on keeping it up – don’t want her seeing empty pages in there!

    I think it’s important for kids to hear from those who’ve went before them, so to speak –
    as my dad used to say, “get experience as cheap as you can – from other people!”
    And I want to encourage my kids to hear others. To learn from them. And always be approachable and teachable…

    Kate likes reading my blog and has come to be familiar with alot of you…
    so I’d like to turn the comments into something a bit more meaningful than, “good post.nice pictures.” ;)
    I would love to have you women {and the few men who read} ;) share any words of wisdom or things you’d wished you knew at 13, etc. {if you want. no pressure. :) plain happy birthday works too}. I think it’ll bless Kate and be the cherry on top of an already super special time celebrating her step through the doors of young womanhood.

    Thank you!

    and thank you God for the GIFT of our sweet firstborn girl.


October 20, 2010

  • {let’s pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars…}

    Finally got my wish last night~

    I slept for five uninterrupted hours!!

    Read that sentence again and say, “uninterrupted,” very loudly and with enthusiasm and you’ll capture the emotion I was feeling when I wrote that! 

    We’ve all had colds round here with these killer sore throats! Even baby.
    Well, not sure about the sore throat – she can’t exactly tell me that.
    But her little nose has been plugged so bad and I think she gets frustrated sleeping.
    After trying to make her comfortable for awhile last night, I finally rolled her on her belly and that did the trick.
    All my babies have been big belly sleepers. :) They love it.

    I admit though, I always feel a bit like I’m breaking a good parent rule when I let them sleep on their belly.
    But, in the end I go with my gut over “rules” made by people not raising my kids! ;)
    Besides the fact that the medical community is forever changing it’s minds on what those rules are exactly…

    Used to be in my mom’s generation you were told to put your baby on their belly.
    Then they decided that wasn’t best, so it was the back. Then.. not good either, so onto the side…
    and, as one pediatrician told me, switch their positions often so their soft skull will not become indented!

    Then there’s the whole whether to give them a binky or not.
    On the second night in the hospital I asked the nurse for one.
    She looked at me with this disappointed type face and said,
    “Oh, the lactition specialist don’t recommend pacifiers if you’re nursing…”
    I felt my eyes drop with a sudden feeling of guilt for even asking.
    Then. suddenly remembered something – Hey! Wait a sec… I’m the Mom!!
    So I smiled and said politely,
    “Well if that lactition specialist is going to come hold my crying baby at 3 in the morning then, okay. If not.. I think I’d like that pacifier.” :)

    And the umbilical chord… used to be you had to put alcohol on it each time you changed them.
    Now. nope. u-uh. not needed.
    The doctor said they’ve discovered that they fall off just as fast without using the alcohol.

    Well, I’m sorry. My baby’s didn’t… I’ve never had one take that long to come off actually.
    I started worrying maybe she’d be the only 18 year old with a piece of umbilical chord still sticking out her belly button!!!
    So I bought me some alcohol.

    Rubbing, that is.

    Anyway. yes.. much of motherhood is simply following your gut.

    Speaking of which – I’m looking around this place wondering what my 5 hour re-charged energy should tackle first?
    Amazing what a little sleep will do for ya!

    I’m going this afternoon to get my hair done for the first time in a long time…
    not sure what I’m going to do – it definitely needs cut. maybe some bangs? who knows.
    Looking forward to it. I LOVE me some nice girly salon time. :)

    Hoping to get up birth day posts soon…
    maybe now that I can hold my eyes open without them going crossed I’ll do that.

    haPpy wedNesdAy!

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber


October 18, 2010

  • {for anyone else who had a rough monday}

    He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
    He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
    To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
    To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

    When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
    When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
    When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
    Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

    Fear not that your need shall exceed His provision,
    Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
    Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
    The Father both you and your load will upbear.

    His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
    His power no boundary known unto men;
    For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
    He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.


    “fear not that your need shall exceed His provision…”

    LOVE that.

    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber

October 16, 2010

  • {oh boy!}

    I’ve kinda been letting the kids rooms go… not really making a huge deal about them being overly clean. Figuring in another week or so everything’s going to get thrown into those smelly brown boxes, so why bother! The girls do okay to stay up on theirs regardless if I remind them {numerous times} every day.

    Now Ben. He’s not so into neat as his sisters. I usually tell him not to stay in his room too long or he might lose his way to the door!

    Today though. Today was one of those, “Sorry, bud. I just can’t be all calm and cool and laid back and whatever! about this anymore… get this thing cleaned up!!!” And tonight, when I went in to kiss him goodnight I told him how great everything looked. But, then… stopped midway through as a stack of something caught my eye. Shoved down in the corner beside his bed, between the nightstand and the wall.

    “What.. what’s all that back there?”

    Ben sat up and hung over the side of his mattress, stretching as far as he could to see around to what I was pointing at….

    “Um. Well…” he said nonchalantly. “There’s 2 deer antlers. 2 football gloves. 1 baseball glove. 2 key chains. a deck of cards. 1 baseball. a lizard. and…oh, yeah… 1 sock!”

    “Is that it?” I asked.

    He stretched a bit further to check, then looked up at me with a serious expression on his face. “Yup. I think it is!”

    I felt a smile playing at the corners of my mouth – As all the good, mature, wise mommy things I knew I was supposed to say about thoroughness and not doing a job halfway kinda escaped me right then.

    “And one sock, huh?”

    He nodded.

    I bent down and kissed his forehead, lingering there a second longer than usual before letting out an extra loud, “muh-wah,” at the end. He cocked his head sideways and smiled up at me with one eye squinted closed as he does….

    It’s in those moments that I know he knows.
    Knows without me having to say it~

    That I just can’t imagine life without him! :)     


    ¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber