|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| {dry toast}
I don't know if your mom was like my mom growing up..
but those times I'd be sick - when I started to feel better and wanted "real food,"
she would always fix me toast and make me eat that first.
("Let's just see if that stays down before we move on to anything else")
But, man! YucK! I can so remember how awful that toast tasted.
dry.hard.scratchy... like chewing on sand paper!
And I couldn't swallow it for the life of me..
it would seem to stick right there, in the roof of my mouth.
And there were times, where I was pretty convinced I'd live the rest of my life that way...
"Hi, I'm Amber and I have a piece of 20 year old toast stuck in my mouth!" :)
I just didn't think I could swallow and deal with it.
==::==::==
That's kinda how I've felt before spiritually ... ... like now.
The things God chooses to put on my plate aren't always easy to get down.
Bible reading can become dry and hard.. more of an effort.
And my prayers seem to feel stuck somewhere inside, not able to get out.
I can't always pin point what brings it on..
nothing necessarily life altering or unusual.
Sometimes it's just the little things combined, I suppose.
But yesterday I found myself frustrated by it all.
I don't know about you but I like to BE HapPy...
or atleast semi close to it most of the time. :)
I don't like myself when I get in a funk-
my husband and kids don't either. ;)
Let me just say you wouldn't be choosing me for your 3 legged race partner!
I'm simply not a pleasant person to be around when I get that way~
and I was thinking, "what is with me? I've got to snap out of this..."
==::==::==
Driving home last night.. in the dark, in the rain, {which only aids your melancholy, right?}
while trying to dissect my feelings and figure things out,
this song started playing on the radio...
And though it's not MY story per se being sung about,
then again.. it is.
(guess you need to turn off my playlist at the bottom..
and the song is rather long, but if you can - listen to the end.
.....the end is the best part!)
Because it's exactly where I found my heart at that moment -
trying to make my own way...
then remembering, through the message of the song,
"Oh yeah.. wait. It's not up to me to do that!"
How many times have I walked this road?
Sat in this classroom?
You'd think I'd get it by now.
but there it is~
I can either live with my eyes on my circumstances,
or live with my eyes on Him.
My dry toast spirituality comes down to that.
Plain. and simple.
and yeah... though I'm still chewing on some things He's given...
I feel He's handing me a nice tall glass of cool ice water to help wash it all down.
I think that water would be called, GRACE. :)
amber.
| | |
|
{walking on rocks}
Thanks for all the cheers for Ben's big game.
it means alot when others "root" for your kids. : )
But all the cheering in the world couldn't help..
believe me, we tried.
I even bought a cow bell!!
this is kind of a funny thing...
when Ben and I were out Saturday night buying stuff to decorate the van and make posters,
a lady walked up beside me and I noticed her t-shirt with the other team's name on it.
"Oh, are you getting stuff for the game tomorrow?"
she nodded. then noticing the green things in my hand said,
"Bulldogs?"
"Yep."
she stamped her footed dramatically and twisted it back and forth,
"We're going to squash you guys!"
I laughed and waited for her too.
She never really did.
Well.. maybe a little..
I think it was a laugh! ; )
I told you those fans were SCARY!!
although we were a sight ourselves with some GREEN hair!
But actually she was right.
They lost 8 to 0.
Though it wasn't exactly a "squashing."
Coach said the other team didn't beat them, they beat themselves.
Both points were scored on mistakes our guys made...
one was a safety, the other an interception.
Before I ever saw Ben's face after the game I knew..
I just knew the look that would be there.
That look of ready to cry at any second but not wanting anyone to see.
There were actually tears from alot of the boys.
It broke my heart as they passed out the trophies..
watching so many wipe their eyes quickly,
leaving a dirt smudged line across their face and sorta tucking their chin down to try to hide their emotion.
Your mom heart just wells up at those times -
not for your own child, but every other one there too.
 
I have to admit that even though I was torn up and had this incredible urge to make everything all better...
for Ben.. for them all... I couldn't keep back a slight smile hiding underneath too.
As we went over to the trophy ceremony I was walking beside another mom..
"Ten is an interesting age isn't it?" I said to her. "It's like they're almost young men, but not. They're still just little boys..."
She laughed and shook her head emphatically,
"Oh yeah... they are still SO much little boys!"
but grown men. little boys. or halfway in between. I think it's okay for guys to cry.
Even the coaches were as they expressed how proud they were of the team.
When we were leaving, the head coach ran over and bent down eye to eye, talking to Ben.
I couldn't hear what it was... {later found out it was personal words of praise for Ben's effort and attitude this year}
But that's when the tears he'd been holding back finally came spilling out - at his coach's words.
In the van on the way home we talked about the game...
about crying and how that was okay. :)
about not winning...
and how that was okay too.
how there was always next year. ;)
and then we prayed -
because it's what we said we'd do..
win or lose.
and thanked the Lord that He has a purpose in everything.
even losing a football game.
==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==:
I love so many things about kids.
but I'd have to say one of my all time favorites being -
their resilience!
The next day all the disappointment seemed forgotten with Ben, and it was on to basketball practice!
By the way - I remember thinking when the kids were little I couldn't wait for them to get older...
for things to SLOW DOWN!
: )
But jiminy! the older they get the busier it gets.
If only our van had a microwave and toilet we'd never have to get out of it! : ))
While Ben was gone to practice the rest of us.. just girls.. took a walk to the river.
The weather was perfect.
Even perfect enough for bare feet.
Though with my kids,
they think any weather is good for bare feet. : )
On our way to where we were going we went through some tall grass.
When Kate said it was hurting her feet I went in front...
pushing down the weeds and sticks and trying to make more of a path for them to walk on.
Next we came to a cornfield to which Emma declared after only a few steps in,
"I tan't wok on dis bumby dround!"
So she was carried! : )
 
See the cell phone sticking out her back pocket. It's an old one her daddy gave her - she takes it everywhere - and carries on some pretty lengthy conversations!
  
When we finally got to the river - a good distance from home...
speaking of vans with toilets in them and such, Emma had to go to the bathroom!
Why is it that I always ask my kids before leaving the house if they need to potty...
and they never ever do...
but get miles from home...
in the middle of nowhere...
and suddenly it's an excruciating, near death experience if they can't go that instant!!
I was glad atleast that we did happen to be in the middle of nowhere -
and for all the huge leaves on the ground! ; )
After that it was happiness all around.
I love watching the girls together.
There is seven years between them, but I'm amazed at the bond.
I like how Emma has to do everything Kate does.
And how patient Kate is to let her.
I like that Emma calls her, "Tay-Tay."
And so often Kate will smile at me and say, "I love how she says that."
I like listening to them talking to each other late at night curled up in bed..
Kate telling Emma about Jesus.
Emma convincing Kate she's not a sinner so she doesn't need Jesus in her heart. ; )
but assuring her preachy big sis that she still "lubs Him" and will go to "heaben."
In time she'll come to understand.
In the meantime, those talks crack me up!
 
I was cracking up too when she was walking along the river..
stepping from rock to rock.
When one would wobble she'd say {loudly},
"Help me Jesus Dod." {God}
Then on to another...
pausing at it would teeter from side to side,
and saying even more loudly -
"Ohhhhhh... help me weally lots Jesus Dod!"
I was behind her a ways when I suddenly heard her crying and looked up to see she'd fallen - in the river!
When I got to her and helped her up I asked, "What happened baby?"
She was unhappily wiping the mud from her hands and said in her little matter of fact voice, choked by a few sad sobs,
"I fordot to say help me Jesus Dod." :)
  
kate working on her cartwheels.. remember when you were young and doing those things over and over until you got it right!
 
 
Emma trying to crack open one of those seed pod things...
 
 
and both girls trying to crack open a "monkey brain" ...
 
 
Later that night I was thinking back over the weekend and some of the "mom moments" in it~
The scene of Emma at the river came to mind and I smiled...
Parenting is so much like that-
taking one shaky step at a time,
crying out with each one - "Help me Jesus God!"
in those times you have to stand back from a distance and watch your kids go through a hard time. {like Ben's game}
in the times you have to walk in front and smooth the path, pave the way. {Kate in the tall grass}
and those times you have to simply reach down, pick them up, and carry them along. {Emma in the cornfield}
In every situation and circumstance...
at every age, phase, turn, hurt and hormone we NEED HIM!
I heard someone say recently that the Christian life always brings us back to one thing - faith.
so why should it surprise me that's exactly the theme word that's laced all through parenting as well!
And along those lines...
I was thinking about faith last night too -
more specifically, my faith, and how it relates and effect my children.
    
I was thinking that children are very much like sponges.
Someday, when they're all grown up and on their own,
what they've absorbed from their time with us will come out.
And my prayer, above anything else...
is when the sponge of their life is squeezed what flows out will be JESUS.
Genuinely. Purely. Jesus. Plain and Simple.
Absorption isn't exactly something that can be "controlled"...
it's pretty much the principle of what's there around them - will get soaked up!
all the more reason to be crying out - "help me Jesus Dod!" : )
amber
| | |
| {playing for the critics}
Ben's team made it to the "Super Bowl" in his division.
The game is tomorrow.
I'm so excited for him. So is he.
and nervous too..
We've talked about it lots this week - and lots before that too,
like - 'IF we win the playoffs...." "IF we make it to the championship...."
So it's been fun to see those "if's" become reality for him.
We've been praying about it too..
I liked his prayer the other night where he said,
"God. I don't know if you're interested in things like football...
but it would sure be nice if we could win."
Yeah, I don't know if God is interested in football either -
but I know he's interested in US!
in our lives.
in our hearts.
in what's taking place there...
I love watching Ben play sports.
Football. Basketball.
those are the two he does.
Funny - when I'm watching either of those at any other setting..
I'm usually bored out of my mind -
I have a short attention span.
But if it's my boy playing I'm so THERE!
Into every play.
Wanting to know every call.
Constantly looking for Ben. {football is much harder to pick him out - they all look the same out there!} :)
But as much as I "get into it" when I'm there..
I don't ever give a game any thought before hand.
HOWEVER- this game on Saturday.. tomorrow. "The big one..."
I've been thinking of alot.
Maybe from all the extra talk about it around our house..
or the extra long practices this week.
But my thoughts are more than what they usually would be for a game -
which is simply for Ben to do his best. have fun.
I'll be honest... I find myself really.really. {really.really.really}
wanting him to WIN!
And before you think I'm one of those crazy insane sports Mom..
{although I am planning on spraying my hair green for the game!}
You have to understand the team he is playing against.
They've never been beat.
They are the Yankees of Ohio Youth Football,
winning the championship like 5 years in a row!!
{c'mon boys.. time to share a little!} ;)
Their players have names like -
Cody "The Crusher" Perry
Zach "The Terminator" Davis
and Jake "King Kong" Barett.
The fans are equally as scary looking with their faces painted blue and gold -
I always feel like I'm at a reenactment of Braveheart each time we play them..
and they're as equally scary sounding -
don't get me wrong, I can holler with the best of em~
but I've never heard grown adult men and women SCREAM like that.
And that's not mentioning the cow bells and sirens they ding and ring and let off..
making you think the local fire station is on parade!
Our fans are much more laid back in their support~
But all the scariness of the other team aside -
when one of their coaches wives told our coach,
"Your boys don't stand a chance against our boys..."
... and the coach passed that on to the team...
which trickled back to us parents -
yeah... uh-huh.... THEM'S FIGHTIN WORDS!! ;)
Amazing! what someone's words will do. How their attitude can effect you...
and I found myself AnNOyEd at what that woman had said.
Suddenly, I didn't just want Ben to win simply for the joy of winning.
Suddenly, it was about winning against THAT team!
It was no longer the satisfaction of seeing all the hard work and effort pay off ...
It was the satisfaction of seeing the team that thinks they can't lose - lose.
PROVING THEM WRONG.
hmmm... I see some smiles breaking out as you begin to know where I'm going with this...
the sports arena is full of spiritual insights, and I found myself mulling over some old {and not so old} struggles this week.
Ever felt like you were motivated to do what you do to prove something to someone... ?
Those who've judged and criticized. Who've said,
you can't ...
or you should ...
or why do you ...
I remember a lady in my church coming to me once and telling me she knew I was having a hard time with my kids during the service..
"I can tell by the way you look down the pew at them that you're irritated with how they're acting."
After doing a quick birds eye view in my mind of where this woman sat in church and where I did..
and how in the world she could even see that much detail from where she was,
and why she wasn't paying attention to the sermon instead of watching me..
I kinda blurted out a confused, dumbfounded, "WHAT?"
I should have went on to say,
"Irritated? trust me lady.. I can show you irritated!"
Instead I shook my head and mumbled something insincere like,
"Thanks for sharing that....?"
With some people it's not even worth your time to try to explain -
It has nothing whatsoever to do with any kind of love or concern for your life.
They are there for one purpose - to critique. And they do it well.
Those are the ones I've found it best to simply grin and move on.
And though that's exactly what I did with this lady, guess what...
next time at church I found myself wanting to smile EXTRA big down the pew at my kids...
to pat Ben on the head affectionately..
and attempt to laugh off the loud scratch.scratch.scratch. from Emma's crayons on her pad of paper.
I was PERFORMING to PROVE my critic wrong.
And that's not only a bad way to live...
it's an exhausting one too.
Wanting your life to resemble some form of success only so those who said, 'you couldn't'...
might, even in a teeny tiny way, come to change their mind. {possibly}
But people who have a critical spirit are never satisfied...
that's why it's so exhausting to try to please them -
just when you think you've proven one area they'll turn on another.
"LIVE FOR AN AUDIENCE OF ONE" is one of my favorite all time quotes.
But even if that is the sincerest desire of your heart, still it can be a battle.
It's like the groupies at concerts that they hold back with those metal gate barricade things -
you always seem to have that "group" that's there shouting at you...
or worse, the ones who stand in the background - observing. {hate that}
And no matter how much you tell yourself others opinions don't matter...
this person is just off their rocker..
and your security is deeply grounded in Christ so none of it shakes you.
regardless. bottom line. it hurts.
And the answer isn't always as easy as "living for an audience of One.."
even getting a t-shirt made with the slogan, and a license plate to match -
I mean, it is.. but it isn't.
some things don't seem to have a quick 1-2-3 it's fixed if you do this and poof! all better.
Life can't always be sliced, diced, and served up in pretty little bowls that way.
I think of Ben's game tomorrow, and I'm reminded with as much as I want him to win -
especially against THAT team.
I know that winning isn't everything.
it's nice. sure.
But it's temporary.
It doesn't produce a lasting peace and contentment and fulfillment.
Because there will always be one.more.game.
One more opponent..
another challenge..
another snitty remark from someone ..
another critic.
And if I live my life trying to prove someone or something wrong
I'll end up one of two ways, if not both:
1). bitter because I can't
2). phony from trying to
No. I think the real victory is realizing I'm not here to PROVE anything.
My entire Christian walk and the type of "performance" I give is tied in so much to understanding that truth more and more.
And our lives must be built upon truth. Take away truth and you're left with only emotion.
And a life built on emotion is unstable. wishy washy. and easily swayed by others opinions and views.
"Study {focus on. be diligent} to show yourself approved unto GOD..." 2Tim.2:15
There will always be those people in our lives who leave that little nagging desire in us to want to prove ourselves~
tomorrow as we spray our hair green..
carry our homemade banners..
and try to make our cheers for our little determined football team louder than that of the ferocious, "you can't beat us" opponents ..
I think they'll be a point somewhere in there...
in the middle of all those cow bells ringing, and the nervous excited hearts pounding,
where I'll stop and smile towards the sky -
soaking in a sigh of relief for just one second -
glad {so very much} that there is One who's approval I never have to earn or work for.
His love is eternal and His acceptance unconditional...
There will be many things I'll win and lose at in this game of life -
and let the critics think and say what they will.
It's not about knowing or trying to prove anything to them~
but knowing because of Jesus,
I don't have to.
GO BULLDOGS!!!!
amber.
| | |
| {Outfit of Choice & Survey of Sorts}
Thanks to all who gave their opinion and fashion tips on what outfit I should wear for our family pictures...
I ended up going choice#1 with wide blue belt and heels.
At the last minute I decided to wear a different skirt.
which I'd found for 2 bucks,
which I thought was a wonderful deal,
which I thought was adorable.
But, you know how they say, " always go with your first instinct."
yeah.. I'm kinda feeling that as I look through the shots -
We've got browns and blues. browns and blues. browns and blues.
then suddenly...
Hello Bright Purple Skirt!!
Here's a few of just the girls and I being silly..
waiting for the boys to come over,
who kept running to the van to listen to the Bengals game. :/
It's always a funny {not really} thing when trying to get our once a year family Christmas pictures..
I swear, we could stand outside all day long in our own back yard and snap away..
wearing who cares what...
and acting which ever way we want...
and have every single shot turn out great.
But dress us up.
Haul us across town.
Try to pose us..
and bam!
It must be stage fright or something.
...every other one has someone's eyes shut.
mouth open {wonder who that would be?}.
or the wind creating strange illusions...
like the longest nose hairs EVER!
We ended up with a whole entourage of family and friends there~
yes. it takes a village!
I so appreciate their help.
I'd like to say it was a fun time - but, well..
even I don't find being in pictures "fun."
{shhh.. don't let my husband read that}
It was a bit ironic that I got a call the day after our 2nd attempt from a professional photographer..
reminding me that we'd won an all paid 2 hour session with as many people as I wanted to bring!
It was one of the prizes from that whole singing competition thing in the summer...
and I totally forgot!~
When I told Shayne he just stared at me with that blank, dumbfounded look he gets that needs no words.
Maybe if I convince him they could be our Christmas pictures for NEXT year he'll cave.
We could just photo shop a few wrinkles in, don't ya think... ;)
==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==
The other day while eating out I discovered a hair on my food.
I'm usually not overly freaked out by such things - -
hey, I'm the kid who ate ants when I was little.
And of course wanting to believe the best about others..
naturally I assume most people are generally "clean."
So I kept eating.
But upon the discovery of a second hair,
I took the sandwich apart and examined it more closely.
Taking bites from a few more safe looking areas.
When I spotted another, that I'm not sure had been on the food or not..
just casually laying barely on the side of the plate -
I decided to eat no further.
When we got our bill I asked the waiter if he would take mine off, explaining why.
He called the manager over who, after giving my explanation again, said-
"Um.. so there was a hair in your food."
{why do people repeat what you just said?}
I nodded and slightly corrected, "Hair-S! Yes sir."
He acted a bit peeved and I saw his eyes glance up at my head...
"...and they were black." I quickly added. "short....black... hair-S."
As we left, the person I was with said she thought that was bold and could never say anything if it were her...
Bold? I just thought hair on food in a restaurant where you're paying for what you assume will be quality service was a no brainer!! :/
But. maybe. I'm. wrong.
I have been before. ;)
And then I became curious -
was I unusual?
I have been before. ;)
So, I thought I'd run a survey for fun.
and to convince myself I'm not so unusual..
or maybe I'll find out I am. :o
What do/have/or would you do in that situation?
a). Stop eating the minute you see it and not say a word.
b). Tell the waiter and ask for another meal
c). Keep eating it - carefully
d). Stand up and yell, 'HAIR!' Immediately exit the restaurant... grabbing the Purell from your purse on the way out!
==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==
And with that wonderful imagery in mind.. it's time for lunch!!
  
hope your day's a happy one!
i should add: photo credit goes here.
| | |
|
{Okay, I admit it.. I'm a hypocrite!}
Year after year I rant and rave how un-traditional,
even un-American it is that we seem to go straight from Halloween to Christmas.
Thanksgiving tends to lose it's climax when every store is playing, "Joy to the World."
Homes appear to have already, "Decked the Halls."
And obviously everywhere you turn, "It's Beginning to Look alot like Christmas."
So I'm always a staunch believer that the Christmas decorations cannot go up until AFTER Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry, pumpkins and orange leaves just don't mixed with twinkling white lights and red candy canes. ;)
But today... which happens to be unseasonably warm and 70 degrees outside.. while driving back from lunch with Mom and Danny I noticed a lady stringing her blue Christmas lights on the already hung garland down her fence row.
"Now there's a smart lady!" I thought to myself.
When I got home I sat in the van for a few minutes looking at the house and garage.
I knew there was a history lesson that needed to be done with the kids ..
and Ben's practice pants that needed washed for football tonight ..
but history can always be taught on cold dreary days we're stuck inside.
and the practice pants are only going to get dirty again.
So....................... :)
I can see my husband even now when he gets home.
He'll shake his head from side to side and say just.one.word~
"Impulsive!!"
;)
I guess I've crossed over to the other side and caved on my beliefs ..
Atleast for this year.
But no promises -
I might forever be changed by this warm weather decorating.
I still really do think this ..
and felt a bit like this putting up the decorations ..
and though it's not completely finished like this ..
{and can i just point out, there is seriously a conspiracy going on with the manufacturer's of Christmas lights! i think they make those things to only last one season. i don't care if i plug a strand in and it works.. i'll still buy a new box. because at some point.. usually just when the tree is completely done, or the lights all hung along the eaves of the roof.. if they're not a brand new pair, trust me! -- they'll quit working, or just that one spot right in the middle will go out!!} : /
BUT. in a few weeks after Thanksgiving ..
instead of being outside like I usually am,
attempting to fluff garland with fingers that won't bend from being frozen ..
and wiping my nose that's running off my chin on mitts that are soggy and wet from already wiping it countless times ..
I'll be glad for the inspiration of the smart lady I passed by today! ;)
Ben was taking pictures of the homemade football field he made in the yard and snapped these~
  
and yes. I always coordinate the scissors I carry in my back pocket to match my shirt!
| | |
|
True
Premium
