{wise love is forming us}

“The Potter has called us to know Him, not His purposes in us.

Trust Him without fear or reservation, my dear friend. The Potter’s hands will not stretch, pound, pull, scrape, or apply pressure in vain. Nor does He delight in seeing us spin needlessly around the wheel. {spin needlessly – i liked that part} Every turn of the wheel and every pressure of His hand are wisely applied to our lives in His loving re-creation of us. He is working us from the inside out to conform us into vessels of honor. Wise love is forming us.

Let us not fear the turnings, the pressure, or the silence. Where the pressure is greatest the vessels will no doubt be most unique and the Potter most glorified.

The simplicity of this is awesome! We must know Him, not His purposes, and we know Him through submission.

Clay was never in better hands than the hands that now are molding you.”

Rest!

Edward Miller, Letters to the Thirsty, 106

{andthentherewere4}

Shayne and the kids are gone to church.
It feels weird to be alone after a week filled with commotion and energy and excitement.
Reese is laying next to me on the couch.
Every time I look over at her I stare longer than I intend.
To think – this time last week she was still inside me!

And now.
THERE.she.is! amazing

I went to see the musical production of Wizard of Oz last night with Kate and Ben.
They’ve been talking about it for weeks and I had told them we’d just have to wait and see how things went…
they never mentioned it again, but as it got closer I could see them anxiously studying me – trying to assess if I’d feel up to it or not.
And even though I really didn’t, I went ahead and took them.
Cause that’s what we do as mom’s isn’t it.
 
I love seeing my kids happy and yeah, I can’t give them all they want – but I can give them what I can.
Tickets and time at a musical isn’t that much to ask really. They’re great kids!
They’ve been incredible since Reese was born – -
helping out. asking if I need anything. sitting to chat. making me laugh.



 

They both seem so much older to me now with a newborn.
Sometimes when they’re talking about those things of great importance in their lives right now, like…
the most amazing football play from the latest game. or all the ways unlimited texting would be a benefit.
I sit and listen entranced with the thoughts of, “who are you and what have you done with my baby?”
My baby Kate and baby Ben that looked just like my baby Reese only 5 seconds ago.
You hear over and over how fast the time goes but you never believe it. not really.
Not until you find yourself in that defining minute yourself and suddenly are shocked that all those people were actually right!

But.
despite all the good and grateful I’ve been feeling I knew.. ..
knew there would be that one initiating moment that was going to happen~
probably when I least expected it and around the silliest of circumstances,
of introducing the selfishness of my heart to the reality of life with 4.
Because as much as I love my kids the ugly truth is I love me too.  
I try to keep that part hidden as much as possible. but.there.are.those.days.
Days it comes spilling out no matter how hard you try to keep it stuffed in.

It happened Friday afternoon…

Shayne was gone. I was on the couch trying to feed Reese {which is not as simple as that sentence makes it sound. i won’t divulge details. poop is one thing.;) let’s just say – i’ll never win the nursing woman of the year award!} Emma was beside me excitedly asking what her next assignment in school was. Ben and Kate were being ruckusy in the next room and I called for them to calm down. A second later Ben emerges soak n wet saying Kate just poured water on his head because she was annoyed with him. Kate emerges to share her side of the story. I’m holding baby in one arm. A school book in the other. Trying to catch the blanket that’s across me with my chin to keep it from falling off as they start their whole, “he did. she did. did not. did so” routine – - while Emma tap tap tapped on my right arm with her impatience -and Reese gnaw gnaw gnawed with her lion like chops. that’s when I felt the tears. and that distant dreaded voice in my head,“I don’t think I can do this!”

A voice I’ve heard often enough in my days of mommying…
but somehow. this time it was different because… well, it is different.
This is a new phase. A new chapter.
Now there are 4.
And though 4 isn’t 12, it’s more than 3.
And that’s twice as many hands as I have!
Honestly. no matter what the number- more is more.

So I sat there. and thought of all the ways I was supposed to respond.
What I should say. or more importantly, what I should not.
I had words like grace and peace and calm and patience pass through my head… 
but, when my mouth opened I don’t think any of those are what came out!
{we shouldn’t judge kate gosselin too harshly.. i think we all have a bit of her in us somewhere}
I sent everyone outside {‘cept reese} and sat there like the big cottage cheese lumpy person I’m feeling and waited for the tears to come.
Funny. they never did. I felt them. Wanted to cry them. But instead I just sat.
I would like to say I prayed. thought of a verse. or some inspirational somethings to motivate me.
but nope. just sat. closed my eyes. and soaked in the quietness.

And though I don’t always feel it in those moments, I know God is there.
Because His being there isn’t conditioned upon me conjuring up the spiritual warm fuzzies I’m supposed to.
His being there isn’t relying on a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g I DO whatsoever.
Even if I don’t want Him there, still, He is.
Because that’s what He does. and more than that – what He’s promised.
And somewhere among all the emotions and hormones and selfishness I hear that questioning voice in my head answered with -
“You’ll do with 4 the same that you’ve done with 3 – DEPEND ON ME.”

And I’m not going to be all Pollyanna-ish and say I was a chilled out mom the rest of the day.
I brought the kids back in. Asked their forgiveness for my spew and we all went back to what we were doing before…
which yeah, some of which was bickering from the other room.
the pestering tap of a anxious kindergartner.
and trying to not go nuts from nursing.
There’s going to be days that are just like that…
 
Ones where nothing goes as you planned.
Ones where you can’t seem to get with it no matter how much you try or pray or scream or sleep.
Ones you’re glad to see come to a close.
But Ones that you look back on as you lay your pillow on your head – {when i re read this i caught my typo.. but then i thought.. ha! sometimes ya do kinda want to put your pillow on your head don’t you?? block out the world} But even then.. pillow on your head or head on your pillow…  as you look back over even one of those days you can see God’s fingerprints of faithfulness all over it! And I’m reminded again that these kiddos probably aren’t going to turn out because of me, but more than likely, in spite of me.  

andthentherewere4.
and He is just as Faithful.

 
 











     


         

I told Kate when she was taking pictures of Ben and I to get my skinny side..
to which she said, “it’s your cheeks that look too fat, mom. try making your face look less puffy or something….”

“You mean like this….”

 

Ben said, “no, it’s not her face it’s her hair. make it flatter, mom…”

“Oh, okay. Like this…”

 

uh-huh! that’s better.. no one will notice my puffiness now!

Ben also said I could try squeezing my thighs in on the side –
“like I used to squeeze my butt before getting a spanking…”
But I’m not secure enough to post those shots.
maybe a few more thigh squeezes first.

haha! when it’s all said and done ya gotta just laugh at yourself don’t you…
it’s a whole lot more therapeutic than not, that’s for sure.




I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart.. for your love and your faithfulness…
When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.…
May we sing of the ways of the LORD, for the glory of the LORD is great…
Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly…
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life…
The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever…. ps. 138



whatever it is you’re facing in your life right now remember God is there! in the moment with you.

and He’s sufficient.



¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber  

{the scoop on poop}

amazing how these little ones change your life in every way.

suddenly thoughts on what it means to be truly free in Christ are exchanged for, “I better go check them one more time to make sure they’re still breathing….” and what’s happening in our country and who’s burning what where takes on less significance than anxiously looking inside every diaper. 

things you’d never talk about. you do!
and things you never do. you do!

yup. poop has become the new favorite word in the Hutch house this week.
we’ve talked about it. googled it. giggled over it. worried about it. sniffed for it. made songs up about it. and even prayed for it.

hey.. when you’re brand new to the world these things MATTER.

well, one thing we didn’t do was make up a dance for it when it happens.
needless to say – - – this mama’s doing that right now!!

¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber   {aka-the happy poop dancer!}
 

{finally home}

Seems like months have passed since we started our trek to the hospital early Monday morning…
so glad to finally be home!

I had to stay a bit longer for further testing/ observation because of a heart condition they discovered I had.
There doesn’t seem to be any immediate danger now –
but I’m supposed to schedule with a cardiologist to find out more and what action needs to be taken.
Kinda worrisome if I let myself go there. but. not letting myself go there.
The worst is the extra tiredness and occasional dizziness..
and I get frustrated at not feeling “normal.” {like i really know what that is}  
But atleast the normal I want, or think it should be.

I was thinking just now as I typed that out about a conversation Shayne and I had the other day…
about learning and continuing to learn that everything-
e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
happens for one reason.
and one reason only…
to draw us closer to Christ and make discover more of our need for Him. 
When things don’t make sense or seem fair or right or just or fun or the “normal” we thought we’d signed up for…
we can still trust in the Heart of Him that knows us best and loves us most –
and in that great knowledge.
and in that great love.
only does what is for our absolute ultimate good!

For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD.
They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jer. 29:11

I heard someone say recently -
if the only thing Christ ever did for us was die on the cross, that alone was more than we deserved.
That alone was and is enough.
And yet… He does so much more.
so. much. more.
What perspective!

It’s not like I’ve never heard that before, but the hearing and believing thing is where I often seem to get hung up -
oh to truly have a heart of belief and not merely a mouth that makes it sound like I do.

****** ******

Thank you so much for the outpouring of kindness in welcoming our sweet baby Reese to the world.
Here’s the little face so many of you have been praying for all these months~

 
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count. Ps. 40:5



 

I haven’t gotten alot of pictures with her eyes open yet…
she’s such a sleepyhead.

I have a feeling that’s going to change.



¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber  

{chasing balloons}




*** i started writing this sunday night but got too tired and never finished…  among other things.

Last week was emotionally charged on so many fronts.
I had dozens of thoughts swirling in my head that ended up sitting in unfinished posts.
But none of the words seemed to connect when I tried to process them,
and I’ve learned with writing that it’s better to not force something if it doesn’t naturally flow~

Then.
came the weekend…

and with it the breathing room of grace to once again, simply be.
I know it’s always there. grace.
But at times I can let the enemy completely suffocate me with his lies that I miss recognizing it.

So grateful for the consistency of God my Father – in a world that is often anything but. His goodness humbles me and I find myself over and over amazed by how He reveals in those quiet places of ordinary days all the ways He says, “i love you.”

****** some pieces in pictures from our weekend ***

fall shots of the kids ::




   

 




  



   

 
 
     

******
saturday at the apple orchard::











 

******
chasing hot air balloons on Sunday::

we spotted these in the sky coming home from Ben’s football game and decided it would be fun to follow and see where they landed… what a wild, crazy ride of quick turns, wrong ways, and me riding with my head out the sunroof to see where they went! when we finally figured it out and got to where they were going, we saw by the procession of cars that pulled in behind us we weren’t the only ones chasing balloons that afternoon! )





  








  


******
sunday night at the lake::

 
******

and.

¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber  




still in hospital. some complications. nothing major. hoping to come home tomorrow.

{winners *** and a birthday}

Thanks to all who entered the giveaway~
I really enjoyed reading through your answers.
Sounds like lots of super sweet memories were made this summer..
as well as some great marriages going on… and good words of wisdom and advice from so many of you.
Nice to know too that if I ever happen to steal one of your ipods ;p I wouldn’t have to change much with it -
I think the majority of the songs you listed are all favorites of mine as well!!

*** third place:: schrockgirl

she said::Love love your giveaways!!! My highlight this summer was finding out #2 baby is on it’s way!! I have been so incredibly BLESSED with my incredibly awesome hubby, who continues to amaze me everyday, even after 5 1/2 years of marriage. We have the sweetest little tiny 22LB, 2 1/2 year old little boy, and we cannot WAIT to meet this new little “movement” who already is making his/her presense known. =)

*** second place:: Jifners

she said::When is your baby due? Mine is coming next Thursday! You don’t look nearly big enough to be at the end of pregnancy though! Okay, found this link on one of my friend’s facebook sites, so I thought I’d give a try for those prizes.

ONE THING THAT SURPRISED ME ABOUT MARRIAGE: How much work it is. Everyone tells you how wonderful it is, and it is, indeed wonderful. I have been married eight years. But it does take work. And lots of it. You have to work on communicating, you have to work on common ground (especially after you have kids), you have to work on discipline w/ your kids and how you both want to do it. You have to work on intentional time w/ each other. It’s hard work, but well worth the effort. Too many people just give up when it gets hard and just want to “get out.” It’s sad. How much more precious is something that you had to work hard to get..

I’ll link to this on my xanga as well. You have a beautiful family! And how sweet that you’re giving such wonderful prizes away. It shows your heart.

-Jennifer


*** first place:: CBrown6207

 
Please message me your addresses so I can get those gifts in the mail to ya!!

~***~***~***

We celebrated Emma’s 5th birthday on Sunday!

For weeks she’s been talking about only one thing…
“…i wanna pink sooter wif a basset on it. and wittle bunny wike dis big {showing us with her hands} and i will tall her cware and she tan wide in my basset on my sooter…”

Well. yes.
After mommy did some convincing of daddy…
a bunny named, Claire, joined the family early Sunday morning before church.

I’m wondering if any of you are bunny experts?
Claire hasn’t eaten since we brought her home late Sat. night.
I called the pet store yesterday and the guy said it was because she was in shock!
{ya think? being taken from your 12 other brothers and sisters and thrust into a noisy lively household that involves sudden sporadic rides in a basket on a pink scooter shouldn’t be the least bit shocking}  
He said it would take her awhile to adjust to her new surroundings.
Just wondering if this was true –
and not some patent answer the napoleon dynamite guy from Jack’s Aquarium is supposed to give me!




{having fun with the uncles}

***




{making a wish.. probably for more bunnies!}

***


{her best little girlfriend, Gracie}

***





{so loved}

***

I can’t believe my baby is five.
And soon not to be the baby any longer!
What do they say about blinking..
Opening your eyes after just a brief moment,
and seeming to find the years have passed impossibly by in that instant.

But what a precious.. absolutely precious instant it’s been so far.
As if God wrapped a piece of Himself up as a gift to us and delivered it in the form of this little person!

  
“I often challenge myself to recognize the many facets of my identity and to understand that motherhood does not completely define me. I want to set an example for my girls of fulfilling my one wild and precious life with a great many things and giving them the freedom to explore the wonders of the world in their own way. I tell myself that I will gradually have to let go and that life will not always be filled with the happiness of dress up and tea parties and spontaneously aproning up to make cupcakes with extra sprinkles.

Happy Birthday to our Emma Calen ~***

{a giveaway in the true spirit of pioneer woman}

But. wait.
Before you excitedly scroll to the bottom to get a peek at that fancy bright pink Apple computer…
uh, it’s not there.
Nor is the million dollar ranch house or the super cute hound dog named, Charlie.

But. gifts.
We do have some gifts.
… and they’re not half chintzy ones either.

Okay, try to forget I mentioned the whole Apple computer thing.

We do have apple LOTION though.
Which hey, having pretty hands is way more important than looking all stuck up with a Apple on your computer!

You could just do what my brother did and put a apple sticker over the little circle that says, Dell.
Now that’s what the ultra cool with it people do.

Actually, this was supposed to be a Hello to Summer giveaway!
… not, a Hello to Fall instead.

which means one of two things –
I’m a horrible procrastinator or I’m in denial summer is almost over.
{the right answer is yes, and yes.}

The procrastination part I’m working on with a fervor…
trying to get all those things left undone, done before baby.
Knowing this was easily going to turn into a Welcome Spring 2011 giveaway before I knew it!

And, as to not being ready to yield summer to fall quite yet… *sigh*
truth is, I know I can’t ignore the fact that regardless of my love for the hot, long days of sunshine -
fall is standing on the edge of summer waving it’s crazy leafy arms in the wind just dying to embrace us.
and I can’t help but feel it whip around me every now and then, and have a smile pop out on my face.

there really is something to love about every season, is there not?  

I’m excited about this giveaway because I’m not really the one doing the giving-awaying…
a friend asked {back at the beginning of summer} if she could give a gift certificate to her Etsy here.
some other friends went and wrote a book and gave me a copy to share.
another friend has some plain awesome products I’ve given away on here before.
and yet another, said she just wanted to give something to the lovely people here. {she reads alot of yours but doesn’t blog}

So, because I not only have super talented friends but highly generous ones too this whole thing is happening.
{now if only one of you would get that corporate job with Apple we’d be set!}
I added a few of my own little things as well, cause I was inspired too…
and mainly because I love gifts. buying them. giving them. getting them.
yes… it’s one of my five love languages!!  

And… since I feel that I’m blabbering like a sleep deprived, Indian food filled pregnant lady with heartburn….  I’ll move on to the real point of this post and share with you what exactly we’re giving away.

first place:: {i suddenly feel like a boxing announcer – “in this corner we have… “}





a basket full of all my favorite things –

remember the Wen products? -good stuff.
and the Airbrush Legs? – need that more than ever now that things are going pale with fall.
something to smell your house up w/out burning it down – fragranced reed diffuser’s are the best.
a picture frame that says “my favorite place is inside your hug”- designed by my genius friend here. {and available in most Hallmark stores}
the apple lotion I mentioned at the start – from Bath and Body.
and… a bit of music of your choosing from itunes.




this incredible book is included in there also~
written in such a easy to read, laid back manner…
leaving you feeling challenged and convicted, and yet not overwhelmed.
it’s intended audience was to young brides… but I think it applies to brides of all ages!
it helps too that the authors are two sisters who are friends of mine, and I know their hearts match what their pens write. 
{find out more about them, and this, here.}



second place::



a $35.00 gift card to Evie n Lizzie on Etsy.
a friend of mine who makes some pretty amazingly cute childrens clothes~

there’s also a great scarf, black flower pin, and peace sign included.


 
 
third place::



a bucket with a little bit of entertainment~
One Night With the King, and 10$ gift card to Borders.

= = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

To enter, I wasn’t sure which question to ask so I thought I’d make it multiple choice.
Pick one of the following and answer.
Or all three if you’re so inclined. {i love hearing the thoughts behind the people}

1. one thing that surprised you about marriage
2. a memory from your summer that was a highlight
3. a favorite song, and why

If you want to be entered more than once link up the site somewhere else {blog, facebook, etc.}

I’m going to let Emma help me draw the winners since she can count pretty high now
and since it’s her birthday this weekend!

We’ll announce the winners next Tuesday.
… unless this baby decides to announce herself first in the meantime.



¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber  

*special thanks to Rachel, Christy, Michelle, Rebecca, and Jodie!

{the last of the maternity shots}

¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber  
 

{and check out this cool giveaway on my friend  Jenny’s site – if you don’t know her take a little time to do that. she’s great!}