November 20, 2009
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{dry toast}
I don’t know if your mom was like my mom growing up..
but those times I’d be sick – when I started to feel better and wanted “real food,”
she would always fix me toast and make me eat that first.
(“Let’s just see if that stays down before we move on to anything else”)
But, man! YucK! I can so remember how awful that toast tasted.
dry.hard.scratchy… like chewing on sand paper!
And I couldn’t swallow it for the life of me..
it would seem to stick right there, in the roof of my mouth.And there were times, where I was pretty convinced I’d live the rest of my life that way…
“Hi, I’m Amber and I have a piece of 20 year old toast stuck in my mouth!”
I just didn’t think I could swallow and deal with it.
==::==::==
That’s kinda how I’ve felt before spiritually … … like now.
The things God chooses to put on my plate aren’t always easy to get down.
Bible reading can become dry and hard.. more of an effort.
And my prayers seem to feel stuck somewhere inside, not able to get out.I can’t always pin point what brings it on..
nothing necessarily life altering or unusual.
Sometimes it’s just the little things combined, I suppose.
But yesterday I found myself frustrated by it all.I don’t know about you but I like to BE HapPy…
or atleast semi close to it most of the time.
I don’t like myself when I get in a funk-
my husband and kids don’t either.
Let me just say you wouldn’t be choosing me for your 3 legged race partner!
I’m simply not a pleasant person to be around when I get that way~and I was thinking, “what is with me? I’ve got to snap out of this…”
==::==::==
Driving home last night.. in the dark, in the rain, {which only aids your melancholy, right?}
while trying to dissect my feelings and figure things out,
this song started playing on the radio…
And though it’s not MY story per se being sung about,
then again.. it is.(guess you need to turn off my playlist at the bottom..
and the song is rather long, but if you can – listen to the end.
…..the end is the best part!)Because it’s exactly where I found my heart at that moment –
trying to make my own way…
then remembering, through the message of the song,“Oh yeah.. wait. It’s not up to me to do that!”
How many times have I walked this road?
Sat in this classroom?You’d think I’d get it by now.
but there it is~I can either live with my eyes on my circumstances,
or live with my eyes on Him.My dry toast spirituality comes down to that.
Plain. and simple.
and yeah… though I’m still chewing on some things He’s given…
I feel He’s handing me a nice tall glass of cool ice water to help wash it all down.
I think that water would be called, GRACE. 
amber.
Comments (33)
This really touched me,
“The things God chooses to put on my plate aren’t always easy to get down.
Bible reading can become dry and hard.. more of an effort.
And my prayers seem to feel stuck somewhere inside, not able to get out.”
I feel like that constantly, always trying to break free of it. Thanks for the song. <3
Good morning Amber, You are more sensitive now, so am I. What a gift, this beautiful song, expression of emotions, a piece of you. The Way is alraidy in you…Thank you.
Love
Godeliva van Ariadone
My mom would make us eat toast to when we want something to eat, but with butter on it. So it wasn’t that bad. I actually thought it tasted good.
I don’t know you, but I ran across your site yesterday and subscribed to you. Hope you don’t mind! I just wanted to tell you that I was VERY encouraged by reading your post today and listening to that song. (Its beautiful, by the way!) My Mom did the exact same thing as yours…dry toast after we’d had the stomach flu…not butter, no jam.
And I’ve been at that same spot in my spiritual life way too often. Even right now I find myself struggling to really “connect” with God and so I felt a glimpse of hope in reading your blog today, esp. the thoughts about grace. God Bless You for sharing!
My mom always fixed us hot milk and toast ~ the toast slathered with butter and salted to perfection ~ when we were sick. Oh ~ the memories ~
I needed this today…I’m at the exact place and need to look to my Saviour and not my circumstances. Thank you for sharing!!!
Thank you for sharing this! Oh, grace, that made me smile and get excited when I saw that
We actually *have* a stomach bug in our home, this week, and I’m serving saltines. I couldn’t stand the dry toast, either! Spiritual dryness is even worse!
Thanks, it seems many of us are walking here right now.
I think you just wrote a modern day Psalm!
So many of the Psalms contain the contrasts of weariness and hope you’ve described that it’s hard for me to pick just one as an example … but I’ll go with Psalm 55:
1-2 Give ear to my prayer, O God; and do not hide Yourself from my supplication. Give heed to me and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted
22 Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
And, of course, I can’t help but think of how your description of “dry” toast and living “water” reminds me of my favorite Psalm – number 63:
v.2 You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
These verses encourage me in the dry toast places of life. I know even the people who authored or are written of in the Bible – people with amazing interactions with God – felt the same way I often do.
I pray you wisdom in your dry place, and a well timed drink from the well of Living Water.
I’ve sure been there before Amber, and not just once. It’s usually when I come to the point you were at when you wrote this that things seem to get better, too. I must decrease, He must increase. Less of me, more of Him.
I love that.
Oh, I have been there many times, Amber. I believe the enemy loves to make us feel like that. A verse I say out loud often is the second part of Isaiah 59:19 “When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.”
Kellie
You know when we do have our eyes on Him it’s amazing how “HaPpy” we can be in spite of the circumstances. Circumstances will come and go, we will see good change and not so good and sometimes none at all but we can carry on with everything else, happy for the little things, the ordinary things that we take care of from day to day, those things that take up most of our day, those things that we can count on. And we can count on Him to sustain us through the circumstances…the cicumstance might surround us but it doesn’t have to control us. I think it’s a lifelong lesson though and one that’s learned and relearned then learned again. And yes…He makes the way.
This is a great post! Thanks for sharing.
))
I think as christians, we all fall into that dry place. I like your toast analogy, and yes, we had to eat toast too! We would always get a glass of hot tea to go along with it with it though! What a beautiful song. You are right, we must keep our eyes on Him!
thank you Amber
I needed this reminder today
“I can either live with my eyes on my circumstances,
or live with my eyes on Him.”
you seriously need to write a book
your blog is so full of truth, grace and real life moments
oh and so many beautiful beautiful pictures
with a focus that always brings it back to Him
thanks for sharing, Amber. i can soooo identify!…had one of those days today.:( usually i just need to get my focus off my circumstances and on Him! Blessings to you and your family!:) ~Charity Faith
How many times have we each walked this path…oh that we would learn to keep our eyes on Him! ~Colleen~
oh, it’s so true, it’s so easy to relate to…
beautiful!
Thank you so much for this post. I am in a dark place in life right now and this one meant so much. A great reminder that God does know we will be okay.
20 year old toast – Your writing is so descriptive and the truths you are learning are awesome!
ryc, glad you got a few laughs today!
Blessings,
Mike
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post, thank you so much for sharing it.
I am not that mean… I give my kids cinnamon toast when they are sick!! much tastier than dry!!
Repeating what others have said, thanks for sharing!
Can so relate to this…. I feel so often God will I ever get this? I want so much to be someone that I and God would be proud of, and many days so frusturated by how I fall short. I know it is a dependency on HIM, but I want the fruit…….sometimes even if it’s forced I want it now! I want to be sweet and kind and great and thoughtful and……………..fill in the blank. Everytime he shows me that I need to stop relying on ME to change, but to cooperate with him in my growth. Sometimes I just don’t know how to cooperate. Thanks for sharing friend! Hope you have a great Turkey day.
Blessings,’
Cara
Amber, I have been there in those puddles way too many times. But without those times God’s grace would not be near as special and in those moments I see myself and my huge need for a Saviour. So glad your thirst is being quenched with “grace” water.
I saw your comment on izzysgal and just have to comment. I have the cookbook and am just loving it. If your mom loves cookbooks I’m pretty certain she’d love this one… it’s unique from all others and every one of her recipe’s I’ve ever had is pure delight. You had also asked awhile back about a venison recipe and I tried a new one last week that cooked in the crock pot and was made with a gravy and turned out excellent… was very tender and great flavor. We ate it over rice. If you want the recipe I’d be glad to give it to you.
i like the song
Lord bless you Amber and pour that Grace out on you. Isn’t it the best to know that God knows exactly what we need, and we can trust Him. Hugs and love to you girl, you are a blessing how you can write this down so well.
“Dry toast spirituality”……. beautiful description! I’ve been there, and you nailed it perfectly! Love, GAil
Beautiful song. I have felt this same way. Thank you for sharing.