February 18, 2010

• {baby. birthday. and bits of rambling}

  Thank you so much for your sweet words about baby~
  We’re all pretty excited, and still getting settled with the idea.

  Last Friday morning was incredibly precious.

  When you hear the heartbeat I think it just helps solidify there’s really a LIFE inside..
  And to SEE that life. Wow! Even more so.

  

  Tears ran down my face when this image came on the screen. 
  As tiny as it is, no doubt… it’s a baby!
  With what appears to be it’s little hand raised in the air as if to say -
  “Hey, mom. I’m really here!”

  I feel undeserving of God’s kindness.
  But, oh! So very grateful.

  We were talking last night about the possibility of it being a boy…
  because we have no boy things left~ I’ve sold them or given them away through the years.
  But we do still have lots of little girls clothes.
  So our conclusion was,
  “If it’s a boy, he’s going to be in touch with his feminine side!”

  People always did call my babies the wrong thing anyway…

  “Isn’t HE cute.”

  “Thanks. His name is Kate….”

  “Isn’t SHE the prettiest little thing.”

  “Yeah. She’s gonna have a hard time with the name Ben on the playground!”

  So, maybe for the first few months girl clothes on a boy baby won’t really matter.

  Either way. Boy or Girl. We’ll be happy.

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  My mom gave us this little blanket for Hutch6~

  

  Emma’s been carrying it around everywhere…
  saying she’s looking for a place for the baby to sleep.
  Finally deciding on a spot behind the couch,
  surrounded by a bunch of her toys and dolls.

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  A week before I found out I was pregnant two rather funny things happened~

  First, we got a box of baby formula in the mail. So random.
  I started to throw it away, but something told me to hold onto it..

   

  Then, when at the mall.. in a terrible hurry..
  and the only {yes, seriously} parking spot left was this one…

   

  Walking in I told the kids to bend their knees to appear shorter…
  And Ben assured me~
  “If the security mall guy arrests you, just tell him you MIGHT be pregnant..
  ya never know.”

  Apparently, we didn’t.

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =
   
  This pregnancy began like the last two…
  lots of spotting and iffy-ness on what was happening.
  I chose to hold off on going to the doctor.
  Early sonogram’s can be a curse, as I discovered last time around…
  One week it’s bad news. then good. then maybe.
  To me, it just made the emotional roller coaster even more intense.

  The waiting was brutal. and yet.. even as I write that I look back and see the cleansing it brought too.
  Flushing out, once again, wrong motives. faulty views of God. and the part of me that likes to control my circumstances~

  

  One Sunday morning, when I woke up to some bleeding, and ended up staying home to rest…
  I found myself just laying flat out on the floor weeping and… I want to say, pouring my heart out to God.
  But it wasn’t quite like that. Nothing seemed to really come together in complete sentences..
  My mind raced a thousand directions – fear. worry. anger. confusion.
  Something that seemed to continue every time I tried praying… 
  I felt like I couldn’t concentrate for 5 minutes straight.

  I started feeling so guilty for not being the “mighty prayer warrior” like I knew I should be during all this…
  Why couldn’t I be stronger?
  Trust God more?
  Shouldn’t I be beyond this stuff?

  I know the answers. Believe me. I do.
  But I swear, sometimes taking something from my head and putting it in my heart is so stinkin complicated.
  And yeah, maybe sometimes… I just don’t want to.

  I shared my struggle with my mom and she reminded me of this verse..

  “Come unto me ….”

  What?
  All of you who can focus without distraction when you pray?
  All of you who know exactly what to say to me?
  All of you who are spiritually strong and have it together?
  No.

  “Come unto me all of you that are WEARY….”

  There’s a word I could relate to.

  God wants us.. and even more than that, He invites us…
  to come to Him in our weariness.

  We don’t have to improve ourselves first.
  Or make sure we’re acting in some “spiritually correct” way.
  He accepts us in our weakness.
  To simply, Come, is His only condition…

  and there.
  He gives us r.e.s.t.

   
   
  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  I’m continuing to find rest in my weariness…

  I’ve never been quite so sick or tired with a pregnancy before.
  Usually, with the other three my morning sickness hit worst at night.
  I’m not used to all day, every day, sickness.

  My family doctor put me on progesterone right away which seems to only heighten both those symptoms…
  especially the nausea.

  It’s been frustrating.
  I’m not a napper.
  And don’t like sitting down in the middle of the day…

  Though, I’ll admit with the Olympics on, it’s been helpful. 
  Don’t know what I’ll do when they’re over…
  Any good suggestions of soap opera’s.

  Speaking of the Olympics..
  if they had a sport for sniffing, I would so win!
  My nose is stellar these days.

  Which isn’t actually good for everyday living.

  The other morning I kept smelling gas from somewhere.
  Shayne finally remembered he’d spilled a little on his glove the day before,
  which was in his coat pocket…
  in the closet…
  upstairs!

  The gloves ended up thrown out the back door.

  And on Tuesday morning, when I saw smoke rolling out of the microwave…
  discovering Emma’s english muffin she’d attempted to warm up without my knowing~

    

  I had to throw myself out the back door along with the muffin!

  Leaving the house for several hours hoping for the smell to air out…which it never fully has.
  Even now if I take a deep breath in I catch a wiff –
  ugg. : /

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  My birthday was nice.

  On Friday I was able to go to lunch with girlfriends~

  

  Where I got this…

   

  which I thought was a waist expander for my pants during pregnancy.

  But apparently, it’s for this…

  

  So now I’ll have the most stylish coffee cups around!

  Thanks Rach~ {check out her etsy site here}

  On Saturday we were at a basketball tournament all day.

   

  

  Besides the feeling just now coming back to my butt from sitting on the bleachers for 12 hours, it was fun.

  We were in an area where some good friends of ours live, so we met them later for dinner…

  

  They brought a cake.
  Which had ice cream in the middle with pieces of crushed Oreo’s in it~

  

  And when we got home that night mom had left some gifts on the kitchen table.

  Along with another cake!
  Which was chocolate with white icing, my favorite kind~

  

  Sunday, Shayne took me out for a little valentine/ birthday celebration.
  We had a sweet time, just us two.

  

      

  See those jeans~ that was the last day for them in awhile!

   

   
   
    
  
   
  See the heart in the snow!

  

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  Usually, I like to make Shayne a card…
  this year, well, I didn’t.
  So.. I found myself in Hallmark with all the other last minute masses.~

  

  Have you ever read some of the cards out there?

  Most of them seemed to have been written by someone with a glass of beer in one hand,
  and a rhyming dictionary in the other!!

  And for that price…
  I could buy dinner for my whole family at Taco Bell!

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = =

  We got a ton more snow this week!

  

  Shayne made a quinzhee for the kids~
  which I think in American terms is, “snow fort.”

  They keep saying they’re going to spend the night in it…
  since daddy told them all about his times of sleeping in them growing up.
   
  

  I’m not sure how I feel about that~
  especially with the coyotes that roam our woods.

  Or how I feel about snowball fights from the second story window~ 

   
   
   
  

   

  But I’m sure if it wasn’t for my husband my kids would have no adventure in their life at all…

  Funny how adventurous I used to be before I had kids!!
  Somehow whenever I get a crazy idea,
  my children’s health and longevity seem to win out.

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = = 

  This afternoon the man who delivers the paychecks for Shayne’s company got stuck in our driveway.
  He’s the sweetest old man..
  and reminds me alot of my Grandpa.
  Who went to church for the first time since his surgery on Sunday by the way,
  and is doing wonderfully well. Praise God!

  But this other Grandpa of a man.
  I felt so bad for him.
  The more he tried to get unstuck, the worse it became.

  I told the kids to go give him a hand…
  and admit I chuckled a bit when I saw them trudging down with a bag of ice and shovel.

  Kate and Ben to the rescue!!!  

  

  But with no success.
  I finally ventured out…

  Now, as you might have guessed by now – these kinds of crazy things seem to always happen to us…
  and to add to the drama, I had some more spotting yesterday, which we think is okay {I’d appreciate continued prayers of protection for little one}
  but, I was supposed to be taking it extra, extra easy today!

  I started down the driveway as the old man walked up…
  he was telling me his cell phone wasn’t working, and to “be careful and not fall.”
  Just about the time I did happen to slip and nearly fell, only to have Ben catch me, just as the old man happened to slip and actually did fall..
  laying there for several seconds flat on his back which made me grab my head with both hands as my heart jumped to my throat.
  He looked like he had just killed over! 
  Ben got to him before me, as he sat up slowly.
  Thankfully, only his leg was hurt.

  Heading back to the house to call my brothers to come help,
  I walked out of my flip flop shoes in a snow drift…
  And with every squishy, soggy step after that wondered,
  “Whoever said being a homemaker was dull!!”

  

  = = ~ = = ~ = = ~ = = 

  Last night after watching Shaun White’s awe inspiring performance Ben asked if he could grow his hair out like that…
  I told him if he becomes a champion snowboarder and pays for my retirement, then = SURE!  

        
   

  amber.   

  • 10:49 pm
  • 49 Comments