March 9, 2010

• {toothpaste on my toothbrush}
  
  This week has been gorgeous.

  Sixties and sunny.
  Finally wearing shirt sleeves and sandals for the first time of 2010. yaY!

  The sandals don’t seem to stay on long though.
  It only takes a small amount of warmth for my kids to think it’s barefootin weather…
  and Emma went and promptly laid out both her swim suits in case we, “doe to da beach.”

  Instead of the beach, we did spend some time at a park yesterday around a little pond…
  So peaceful and relaxing.

   
  {this picture reminds me of the verse – “and he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water…”}
   

  On Saturday we held a reception for my brother and his wife for those who couldn’t make it to Texas for the wedding.
  Between the holidays and snow storms it got pushed a bit further back than I had planned…
  But, everything came together and it was just a sweet sweet time.

  If you’ve ever planned any kind of party or anything I think you know what I mean when I say that the decorations and food are such a small part of something being nice…
  to me it’s seeing that everyone is comfortable and relaxed and that there’s a spirit of genuine joy and unity…
  which I don’t think you can necessarily “create”- but I had prayed that would be the atmosphere, and it was. So I was pleased.
  I’ve been to parities and planned parties where when it’s all said and done it’s like, “just get me out of here!!”
  I’m laughing to myself recalling some of those! :/ oh dear~ 

  {some shots of the room}
    

          
    
     
  {got the idea to spray paint tree branches from Anthropologie}

  {and saw some kind of flower “chandelier” in the Pottery Barn kids catalog that this idea came from}
   

   

  I have to say that I’ve really been impressed by my new sis in law.
  She’s moved hundreds of miles from home, and from the south to the north {in the wintertime no less}!
  And not only stepping into her brand new role of a wife, which can come with adjustments and getting used to all on it’s own…
  but has also stepped into being a young pastor’s wife on top of it all.

  My heart really felt for her because I would have flashbacks of my own starting out the same way.
  New home. Hundreds of miles away from family. A pastor’s wife.
  And I grew up in it, so atleast I was more prepared for what things would be like…
  finding out when the pressures and criticisms came I wasn’t as “prepared” as I thought.
  And are those the kinds of things you can really ever be prepared for though, come to think of it?

  

  So I’ve known.. known what Bryn was stepping into. Been nervous for her.
  And yet, find myself so amazed at how she’s handled herself with such grace and calm.
  Not reactionary. Not angry.
  And she’s joked that the whole role of a pastor’s wife goes so against her nature –
  she’s not really social. not a huge talker. she doesn’t look at herself as any kind of role model or “leader,”
  and I know has felt a bit overwhelmed by the expectations others have put on her.
  But I love her attitude. being able to laugh and say, “I kinda knew life with Jeffrey wouldn’t be dull.”
  It brings tears to my eyes even now…
  to her, it’s just about just being Jeff’s wife. and if some of this stuff comes with the territory, that’s okay.  

  I’ve learned from her.
  She never seems to be too swayed by others opinions of her.. yet, still, willing to change and try not to offend.
  Key word – TRY.
  Isn’t it true that if you want to find fault in someone you will!
  I mean for all of us, honestly… you don’t have to look too far to find something to criticize.
  Why? Because we’re human. We’re fleshly. We fail. We are flawed people.

  

  It’s sad that the body of Christ is so bad about extending the same grace to others that we want and expect in our own lives.
  Imagine if we tried to view one another through rose colored glasses stained with the blood of Jesus.
  So that when we looked at others – others who might be different from us. others that we don’t get or understand…
  instead of seeing all the “wrong”.. all the things that need to change..
  we were able to look and see what Christ has done for US!!
  And be able to extend that same grace and compassion and mercy.
  I think our responses would be a bit softer. our words less cruel. and our thoughts less judgemental.

  Can you tell I’m a defensive big sister that’s jacked on pregnancy hormones.

  I’m grateful for the new addition to our family….
  and no one will really know all the meaning in that sentence but me.
  The things God has done in my own heart through it all.  

  But every person and every change that enters our life is from the hand of God. I honestly believe that.

  love you bryn. and i’m proud of you. <3

  

  

  

  {following pictures by Emma}
  
      

  {and Emma’s favorite part of the day- eating cupcakes}
  

   

  I was thinking on Saturday…. no, actually it was more on Friday while setting up…
  cause I didn’t do much thinking on Saturday now come to think of it I was so brain dead tired by then.
  But how fun is young love to see and be around. the spirit the closeness the inside whispers and laughs and looks…
  and how that it doesn’t have to just be confined to “young love.”
  That same freshness can be alive in our marriages no matter if it’s been 3 months or 30 years….

  I remember everyone saying that the first year of marriage was the hardest…
  and then wondered what we were doing “wrong” when it wasn’t. haha!
  It was just pretty wonderful and great…
  but then this past year – our 13th year –
  I suddenly felt that maybe that rough first year everyone had warned us about was finally catching up to us.

  In the summer things got intense. And I couldn’t even say what was causing it…
  I know we were under alot of pressure with Shayne’s business, our finances, and trying to make the decision to move to Canada or not.
  We weren’t on the same page with everything and I felt the distance creeping in.

  I remember thinking how that I’d heard different woman talk about how they felt they didn’t love their husbands like they should, and how they prayed for God to restore that, and I would think… “how unromantic is that!!” But suddenly – - – I was one of those women! 

  And I hated it. Hated what I was feeling and struggling through. But yes, there was no other answer than to take it to the Lord.

  One night, while Shayne and I were sitting in a dark parking lot talking about where our marriage was at I suddenly felt God answer that prayer – but it wasn’t exactly the answer I had thought it would be.

  The answer wasn’t about HIM – - him changing.
  The answer was ME.

  

  

  I had grown bitter and cold and the most scary part, so self centered.
  It was about what I wanted. what I thought was best. what I thought needed to happen, etc.
  And God just broke me right there and then and dropped the blinders from my eyes, revealing how I had been so wrong. 

  There is so much emphasis in our Christian circles of the man being the main one responsible..
  he’s the leader. he’s the one the success of the home and marriage rests upon.
  But I don’t think I agree with that… I think some of us wives can mess things up pretty good all on our own, without any help from him.

  One thing I realized too is that sometimes things are not as complicated as we make them…
  it’s not all like we need a counselor and weekly projects and three magic steps to get us back on track –
  sometimes it’s just doing what we already know to do.
  And usually that doesn’t take the brain of a rocket science to figure out what those things are.

  I think the enemy would like us to think a situation is hopeless and beyond repair –
  to overwhelm us and cause us to feel it’s too big and too hard and nothing will ever change.

  But there is NOTHING bigger or more powerful than Jesus Christ! Absolutely nothing.

   

  For me, it was getting back to basics.
  To that young love attentiveness to the other…

  I saw how that I had stopped communicating my love in the small ways –
  the notes and lipstick messages on the mirror.
  the favorite desert.
  the romantic candles in the bedroom.
  the hugs and touches for no reason other than to say, “i know you’re there, and i’m glad.”
  and… even something as insignificant as putting toothpaste on the other ones toothbrush.
  it sounds silly.
  but it wasn’t to us.
  On our honeymoon it was this crazy “tradition” we started…
  whoever was first to the bathroom would get the other ones toothbrush ready for them.
  again, just another little way to let the other one know we were thinking of them.

  But during that time last summer guess what? 
  Pasting each others brushes had stopped.

  That night after our life changing {truly} talk and time on that dark parking lot,
  when I walked into the bathroom, there on the sink was my toothbrush~
  a big ole glob of toothpaste never looked so beautiful to me or tasted so good!

  And since that time things have continued to climb back to the early years of wonderfulness..
  not perfection. cause that was never there.
  But when two people are making a conscious, deliberate effort to selflessly love the other –
  yes it can be pretty wonderful.

  
   

  Time to go to my doctor’s appointment this afternoon…
  I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know why – maybe just because all my visits so far have been very emotional ones.
  Hopefully today’s will be normal. and uneventful.
  I can’t believe I’m to the 12 week mark {this Friday}!
  This first trimester has flown by…
  although I guess a few weeks ago I would have said it was creeping by. haha!
  I guess that comes with being pregnant – changing your mind often.

  have a great day!

  amber.       

  • 12:19 pm
  • 43 Comments