While I was taking these pictures I told them to just talk and pretend I wasn’t there…
I thought it was funny that Emma immediately busted into jabbering, while Kate patiently listened.
Such a typical picture of the real them.

 
 
When I was leaving the recital Saturday night one of the moms stopped me…

“You’re the one with the older girl and little girl, right? I loved watching them interact the past few days.”

“Yes. Thank you. They’re good friends.”

Then touching my belly I said, “

“And in September they’re going to have another friend join them…”

The lady laughed.

“Oh, my! You’re going to be doing the girly stuff for quite some time then!!”

I laughed too as I agreed and walked away.

Her words stayed with me on the way home as I played with the pile of bobby pins in my lap.
Guess who instantly wanted her hair “outta da bun.”

I thought of this new little one inside me…
and wondered about what she’ll be like.
Would she like her hair all done up, or lose and free like her “wild” sister Emma.
Would she be a talker. Out going and energetic.
Or quiet, laid back, and observant like Kate.
Would she want to dance or play football. Or both, like one of my girls.

Regardless of what “kind” of girl she is I know her true identify will be shaped by what is in her heart.
And though she might be very different from me outwardly, in personality and interest.
So much of what goes into our girls hearts comes from our own.

And this. this is that “freaked out-ed ness” I mentioned in my last post.

A few of you commented and messaged to ask what I meant by that.
I guess it implied I didn’t like girls.
Quite the contrary.
They are fascinating to me.

So the freaked part is not grounded in fear, but more a soberness at the huge responsibility I feel placed in my hands.
It’s very humbling to be entrusted with moldable human clay that can be crushed or built up in our care.

I’ve long known… since about that first night at home when I couldn’t quiet Kate and was frantic as to what was “wrong” with her that parenting {successfully} can only be done one way – -  completely and fully drenched in the grace of God!

I’ve often joked that raising boys is easier…
You just turn them outside until they’re about 12, then turn them over to their dads for the rest of the way in!

As girls it seems we never quite have the true independence from our moms that boys do… atleast not in the same way.
I think it’s because we’re so much more relational in our design.
For boys the “distancing” is an important part of them growing up, even crucial. 
With girls… and perhaps I’m only speaking for myself here, it seemed the more I grew up the more I needed mom. 

“How do you know someone else is going to come along that wants to marry me?”
“Are you sure the baby’s pooping enough?”
“How do you make that meat loaf again?”
“I think I’m raising the next Ted Bundy… are you sure they’re going to turn out okay?”

I feel passionate about this. Like never before. 
Because in the last few years especially, God has done so much cleansing and flushing out in my own heart.

I grew up in a conservative, godly home. Was homeschooled from the 4th grade on. Sheltered, protected. Participated in Christian organizations and ministries. Attended seminars. Talked in front of hundreds and looked and did everything that was required and expected.. yet, I don’t believe I truly had any idea of who God really is until my 30′s.

I knew alot about God. Without really knowing God.
Even His Word. I read it, studied it. Taught others about it.
And yet wondered why it didn’t bring the same fulfillment to my life I told everyone else it would bring to theirs. 

But the Christian life isn’t about information. It’s about transformation. 

Information might make us appear to others what we really are not. But transformation is what unveils the true contents of our heart.

And it’s so easy for those of us entrenched in the culture of Christianity to play the part… even at times without realizing.
To get caught up in the “information” of what we’re supposed to be saying and doing and wearing and listening to and lose sight of what Jesus is really all about – transformation. 

God requires truth in the inward parts.
And He’s the only one who knows if what others see outwardly is genuine or nothing more than a mask of well rehearsed information.

And I’m quick to remember too that I’m not the judge of others genuineness.
I want my girls to remember that as well as they grow and deepen.
I’ve tried to be and often found myself dead wrong.
I should know better… I still battle hurts in my life from those who thought they knew my heart and didn’t. 
But that’s why faith is essential in the Christian life and grace as necessary as oxygen.

I told her she could pick something out and she chose one with a pair of ballet slippers on it.
Jabbering something about maybe the baby could be in the “cital” next year with her and Kate.
And we bought some pink shoes with little pearls on them too.   

Emma has them all laid out and displayed in her room.
Talking almost everyday about how fun it’ll be to dress her baby sister.

And as I listen and smile contently at her enthusiasm my mind fills with thoughts of the precious person who’ll wear this outfit.
The tiny feet that will fill these shoes.
The awesome journey ahead of me and these girls of mine.
And once again I take a deep breath in and look up…

and have a nice long chat at the sky.    

[I sat pouring over a name book for hours last night- any suggestions on names that have a cool meaning, particularly pertaining to Life/Light/or God's grace, shoot them my way.]

I think I’m still silently screaming inside at the thought of another girl!
Partly in excitement, partly in freaked out-edness. More on that later.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes and especially prayers.

This little one might still have a slight question mark as to what it is..
but one things for certain – it could not be more loved or welcomed!

“The Lord has remembered us; and blessed us.
                                              I love the Lord.. He is gracious and merciful and abounding in steadfast love.” Ps. 115:12/ 145:8

[I sat pouring over a name book for hours last night- any suggestions on names that have a cool meaning, particularly pertaining to Life/Light/or God's grace, shoot them my way.]

I think I’m still silently screaming inside at the thought of another girl!
Partly in excitement, partly in freaked out-edness. More on that later.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes and especially prayers.

This little one might still have a slight question mark as to what it is..
but one things for certain – it could not be more loved or welcomed!

“The Lord has remembered us; and blessed us.
                                              I love the Lord.. He is gracious and merciful and abounding in steadfast love.” Ps. 115:12/ 145:8

 

I love having fresh flowers in the house as much as I can….
and I’d seen some pretty ones growing in the field down the road from our house.
So one night last week I thought I’d run down and pick them.

I guess when I had driven past them all those times I was too fixated on their prettiness to notice the wide patch of tall grass, weeds, and briars that separated them from the road! Had I realized I would have worn my tall grass, weeds, and briar stomping attire. Instead I was in my comfy pregnant attire – baggy sundress and flipflops. I assessed the situation for a second…. wishing for some kind of super hero pole vaulting powers. But since none seemed to instantly strike me, I decided to go at it the old fashioned way.
 
At first I took slow deliberate steps.
Then, a few small bursts of something kinda like a run..
but more like a hop. skip. and a jump.

About halfway through I stopped. 
Looking around for some easier path… 
I just didn’t realize how gnarly and tangly and hard to maneuver this would be!
My legs were scratched to my knee caps from the thorns. Bleeding in a few spots and burning.
But worst of all,  those little prickly plants that grow close to the ground are nas-ty to step on!
Atleast in flip flops, which is basically barefoot. and just for the record -I hate em.
Prickly plants that is. Not flip flops.  

I stood there for several minutes.
Waiting…. on what, I don’t know.
Wondering… was it worth it.
Wanting… to turn back.

I kinda even got tickled at myself for being such a wimp.
I mean come on! I was raised with four brothers, given birth to three children, and survived the coldest winter in Canadian history…
I can do this!

But truth was, every step was just a little too uncomfortable for me. It hurt. I felt pain!
And in case there was any confusion before – I am not a huge fan of pain!
I kinda sorta like and want easy.

Standing there.
Just still.
Looking around me at the mess of tough stuff I was trying to walk through…
I couldn’t help but to think of how many times life felt very much like this~

Before you can “get to the beauty” you have to be willing to go through the suffering.

  

Later, on my way home… back on the smooth pavement of the road! {emphasis on smooth} I looked down at the marks on my legs. To see them only would tell me going the path I did was pointless and held no purpose. But looking up further, at that bouquet of wildflowers in my hand – their beauty helped overshadow the ugliness.

 
 = = ~ = =

Some random shots from the backyard last week…

  
“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” ~ Hans Christian Anderson

  

The girls and I stayed for hours.
Ben eventually went off to play…
with his two faithful shadows following close behind.

Jack ~                                                          Cooper ~


 

“Do I like smiles? Yes. But only if they are real and filled with life. I also like tears.
You see truth is beautiful no matter what the expression.” ~ R. Bacon

= = ~ = =    

And for those of you wondering when I’d look “fat” with this baby, well here ya go!

It’s actually been there awhile, but certain style clothes hide it well.
Not that I want to hide it…
Gee. It took me three years to get pregnant for crying out loud- I should be wearing midriff shirts!!!

So, I don’t mind “baby fat” for one second…..
Well, except for that second when I’m standing next to someone who looks like they could hula hoop with a Cheerio!

But for the most part I’m taking it all in and lovin it.

We find out TOMORROW whether Hutchbaby is a he or she!!

Yes. I’m a peeker.

A friend of mine asked recently, “don’t you want something to look forward to in the delivery room?”
Something to look forward to?
Listen… after labor I don’t care if they put a monkey in my arms!!  I’m just so relieved it’s over.

 

I’m pretty excited.
I have a feeling what it is.
I was right with each of the others..

so, we’ll see.

= = ~ = =

We didn’t really have anything special planned. I just wanted a relaxed kind of day, and that’s what it was.
Except when we went to go out to eat… I couldn’t quite decide where exactly I wanted to go.
[takes me longer these days to get in touch with my inner taste buds]
Shayne was so sweet and patient as we headed one way, then the other when I changed my mind.
Only to find everywhere we did go was packed out!

I guess we didn’t take into consideration that every single family in the world would be eating out that afternoon.

shayne asked for a scary face:

and a goofy one:

and a normal one.. or something like it:
   

We ended up at a park to sorta wait for the crowds to pass. Shayne snapped some pictures for me with the kids as we walked around. It was a bit of a chilly day, but the sun was nice. I’m glad I had thrown some sandals in the van to replace the heels I’d worn to church.  

Finally, we headed to my restaurant of choice, which by now.. had changed again. Still.. at three in the afternoon the wait was an hour! So we took our little buzzer thingy and went to McD’s for fries to hold us over, then to Lowe’s to pass the time. Hey, what true mom doesn’t like hangin out at a Home Improvement store on Mothers day!!

We did eventually get that lovely lunch, now turned dinner. We sat in a cozy corner booth just for five, though I think six would fit comfortably too and ate stuffed mushrooms, crab legs, and drank fun Shirley Temple’s with cherries on top!

Later that night we went out for ice cream in our pj’s~

couldn’t have become or be a mom without this guy’s help:



= = ~ = =

Towards the end of last week. I had this growing “worry” coming up inside me.
I don’t know what exactly brought it on… 
Though it probably had something to do with me just recently writing about the peace I had been feeling in life.
seems whenever I share something publicly God tests me out in the sincerity department soon afterwards.  

But the worry had to do with the house and thinking about baby coming this fall.

Suddenly having this overwhelming sense of..
where was this little one going to sleep?
and how would we fit two in a room that was barely big enough for one?
and how were we going to get by with just one toilet?
and only six kitchen cabinets, total?
and no dishwasher?
 
… and on and on the mental list of “what we needed” went! 
Causing the little worries in my mind to turn into a major discontentment tantrum in my heart.

On Saturday I was waiting on Kate and Ben to be finished with a play practice and found myself in and out of different stores~
which let me just say that if you’re struggling with being content – - shopping is NOT the cure!
No wonder my Dad used to say the best way to save money is to just stay home.

I haven’t had that feeling in a long time I can honestly say.. that ugly greedy part of me that walks through going, “I want one of those and one of those… If only I could have that… And wouldn’t life be easier with… And gee, if only I could think of a way to come up with more money to buy all these things I want…”

and now for a short commentary on the stores I visited~

*Target is like walking into an old friends house – I get the urge to hug something when I enter. Good thing they don’t have door greeters like Wal-mart! *Pier One smells absolutely divine – how do they even get it to smell that way? From now on I’m just going to open the door, take a big whiff, then keep on going. and *Ikea – Can I just say whoever designed that place was absolute genius! They’ve made it like such a maze, that you’re certain to buy something just for someone to please show you where the exit is!

Ben was actually with me when I stopped in there and I haven’t shopped there tons, so I guess I don’t know the “system.”
And trust me – - there is a system.

At one point I said to Ben, “man. it seems like everyone is going in the opposite direction from us!”
I just like wandering to wherever seems to catch my eye. 
A bit later Ben asked, “Why are there big black arrows on the floor, mom?”
Suddenly I got the system and I realized WHY I felt like a fish swimming upstream!

I came out of there feeling like I’d been to an amusement park…. head spinning from trying to take it all in. following the herds of people. standing in long lines. and eating a bag of popcorn that I really have no idea how it ended up in my hands!!

     

Please don’t misinterpret me~ I love to shop and can keep up with the best of ‘em. Systems or none.
Only on this particular day, or times when I feel that gnaw of discontent coming over me, it’s not always healthy.

But shopping was not really my point.
My mind rabbit trails a lot when I’m pregnant. And tired.
Which I happen to be a lot of both lately.

But while I was gone for the afternoon Shayne told me two older ladies stopped by the house…
one of them said she had been raised here and she just wanted to see “the old place.”
Shayne let her come inside and look around.

He called me on my cell later and was telling me all this.

“And guess how many kids were in her family?” he said. “Twelve!”

The parents room was where the office/classroom is downstairs. There were two girls in Emma’s room, two girls in Ben’s, three in Kate’s, and what is now our bedroom… that’s where the five boys slept!  

As Shayne described the sweet way this woman reminisced about her family and all the happy memories she had here -how that she and her brothers and sisters would sit on the steps, watching their mother cook, waiting for dinner. playing outside all day by the creek..  Suddenly, as I listened, my dreams of bigger houses and rooms and lots of pretty things seemed to melt away. My soul shifted to a different perspective and my focus began to clear.

Does it really matter if every child has a room? Or I have to wash dishes by hand the rest of my life?

Is that really important to having a happy home? Is that what memories consist of? ~“Oh man, you should have seen our house… we had TWO whole toilets!!”

A child might never remember the number of times they had to wait outside the bathroom for their turn, but they’ll never forget the spirit that filled their home!

     

Being a good parent has nothing whatsoever to do with how much stuff you can give your kids!
And certainly nothing wrong with “stuff. I like stuff.
But it’s a lie from hell to believe that having more will make us happier.

There is nothing in life, absolutely nothing that can bring any kind of lasting fulfillment apart from Jesus Christ.

I wouldn’t mind bigger. and I certainly wouldn’t mind an extra toilet…. but most of all what I want my kids to “get” growing up in this home. to remember. and to believe. and especially, see lived out before them – is the truth that Jesus ALONE {all by Himself with nothing else added on} satisfies.

That was about how it was.

We did get a few okay ones from the bunch. And then Ben snapped some of S. and I while the girls were dancing in the wind… laughing at how it seemed to carry them along. It surprised me how much Ben picked the camera up this trip. I think it’s really become an interest for him. And he got some great shots~ alot of those in the previous post are ones he took. Maybe we’ll get a photographer in this family after all.

A few weeks ago while running errands I heard this guy on the radio preaching about marriage. The points he was making really spoke to me,  and I found myself wanting to make sure to remember them… so I started digging around in the van for something to write on. I used to carry a small notebook in my purse, but it’s been filled awhile and I’ve yet to replace it. I finally found some waded up piece of paper advertising something or another stuffed in the back of the seat. You know those handy little pockets they put in your vehicles for like maps and umbrella’s.. mine are usually filled with melted crayons. garbage. and half eaten french fries! But believe me, the unknown treasures in those things have come in handy more than once.   

And while on vacation I found my piece of paper stuck down in my purse and had a chance to read over it again and think further about it all… 

 
“A Song of Solomon Kind of Marriage :

1. Keep on Seeing it.

“Behold, thou art fair my love….”

So many times the author mentions how beautiful his love is.
They say “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” But that’s true because the person is looking for it…
Such a KEY in marriage – never stop LOOKING for the loveliness!

2. Keep on Securing it.

“It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine….”

Usually it’s not the big stuff that break marriages apart, but the small stuff.
It seems to quietly accumulate through the years to create that one defining moment where you realize things are a mess…
and you don’t even know why or how you even got to this point!
 
Guard against the “little foxes.”

Things like-
.living outside your means
{financial pressure puts so much stress on a marriage} -how true.
.separate bed times
{it doesn’t matter if one is a morning person and one a night owl. it’s important to get on the same routine} -this one got me! :/
.extended family
{inlaws can cause alot of damage if you don’t establish boundaries. you must remember you’re a family unit all by yourself!} – great point!
.unresolved conflict
{do whatever it takes to work something out. don’t go to bed angry} -learned the hard way many times.
.having no time alone
{it’s crucial to set aside time for just the two of you} -life altering for sure.. i breathe better after alone time with shayne.

3. Keep on Savoring it

“Your love is better than wine….”

Have you ever watched someone who really knows their wines? The way they drink it?
It requires all the senses. They are so involved and in the moment.
Such a good picture of how our love should be – taking time to truly enjoy and savor everything about it.

4. Keep on Sealing it

“Set me as a seal over thy heart, and as a seal upon thy arm….”

The word seal means, “legally binding. lasting.”
A seal on the heart is referring to a private faithfulness~ a consistent loyalty and commitment within the parts of you no one else sees. your secret thoughts and desires.
And the seal upon the arm indicates a public faithfulness~ praising. giving respect. being proud of the one you married. not afraid to let the world know of how passionate you are about this person.”

***

There were so many other good words and thoughts in between…
but these were the ones I was able to jot down quickly at stop lights along the way.

Taking some time to read Song of Solomon and think about these points more while we were gone helped stir my heart to not grow complacent in my marriage~ to keep it fresh. alive. on fire. Sure, it’s work. And sometimes, hard work. But, as I know you all know as well as me.. oh, so worth it!

I looked up the definition of vacation because sometimes a word all by itself doesn’t quite do justice to what you’re wanting to express.
Looking at the deeper meaning can help shed light on those emotions you can’t put into words.
But the description wasn’t exactly what I was after.