July 12, 2009

• {listening}
  

  “CHIPPIE THE PARAKEET never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said ‘hello’ when ‘sssopp!’ Chippie got sucked in.

  The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie– still alive, but stunned. Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

  Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

  A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. ‘Well,’ she replied, ‘Chippie doesn’t sing much anymore he just sits and stares.’

  It’s hard not to see why.

  Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . .

  that’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.”  

  = = ~ = =

  I read this story in Max Lucado’s book, “The Eye of the Storm,” some years back.

  I’ve always remembered it.

  Probably because I can identify with Chippie.

  I know how he felt.

  I’ve felt the same.

  I felt it today…

  I’ve had a bronchial cough for almost a month now. It started with some cold flu thing the kids and I all had. It seemed to pass… all for this horrid cough of mine.

  This week, things climaxed. By Wednesday I was running a fever, by Friday when the fever was still holding on and I knew I couldn’t, I had to finally give in and ask for help – -

  The only thing I hate worse than being sick is having to admit I’m sick. Because then you’re made to lay down and rest and take it easy.. all things I don’t do well.

  I was hoping by today I would wake up and be miraculously healed… and when I wasn’t. and it seemed even worse, we put a call in to the doctor.

  He said my symptoms sound like pertussis! (coughing for intervals of 15 min. straight, not able to catch my breath).
  I’m supposed to go in on Monday for a throat culture and chest xray.. results won’t be back for 3-4 days.
  Which was really the only part I remember hearing clearly!

  Which meant a whole other week of this before being able to get diagnosed and start on the antibiotics needed.

  I felt pretty discouraged with that prospect, to say the least.

  “Lord, you could heal me.. it would be so easy for you.”

  I found myself half thinking/half praying as I laid in bed, staring through the slats in the cream colored blind at the leaves on the tree outside – the same leaves  I’ve stared at for… well, too many days for my liking.

  The phone ringing suddenly snapped me from my thoughts… Shayne was gone with the kids, so I answered…

  It was mom.

  “They’ve just taken your grandpa to the emergency room…. “

  here her voice trailed off, and when she talked again it was quieter.

  “Sis, they’re pretty sure he’s having a heart attack….”

  When I hung up I sat on the edge of my bed, crying. coughing.
  Feeling very alone and even more helpless.
  All I could think was, “grandpa’s going to die and I’m too sick to go see him…”

  Yes. those moments we feel sucked in. washed up. blown over.

  And though I’d love to say that regardless of circumstances I can still sing. -

  That I have a Paul and Silas kind of faith, praising from the prison cell -

  But, to be honest…

  There.are.those times

  Those days.

  Weeks…

  When nope. Don’t feel like singing much.

  I wish the theme of my life were always, “I’ll praise You in the storm….”
  Reality is.
  It’s not.

  Instead of lifting a heart of worship, I can often lift a heart of confusion, question, and doubt instead.

  I can’t pretend to understand everything about God…
  What He’s doing.
  What His plan is.
  His purpose.
  That He does what He does because He loves me.

  … here is where people always tell you faith steps in….

  Yes. I know.

  But during the sucked in. washed up. blown over “Chippie moments” of life I gotta admit, I don’t always carry a David vs. Goliath kind of faith.

  It’s more like the little girl in “Miracle on 34th Street” who, with sulky face and half hearted enthusiasm, kept saying over and over to herself, “I believe. I believe. I believe.”

  And in the end her faith was turned to sight because Santa really was Santa! What she wanted came true.

  God isn’t Santa.

  He doesn’t always give us what we want.
  He gives us what is best~

  Whether I think He does doesn’t matter.
  What I think does not alter what is fact! 

  “It is ridiculous to say things ought not to be when they are. A man who wants to find an explanation of why things are as they are is a intellectual lunatic. There is nothing gained by saying, ‘Why is there sin and sorrow and suffering?’ They are; it is not for me to find out why God made what I am pleased to consider a mistake; I have to find out what to do in regard to it all.” ~A Place of Help, Oswald Chambers
  

  That phrase, “What to do in regard to it all?” kept rolling over in my mind this evening as the day winds down.. but is only really getting started for me, since my cough is much worse at night.

  What to do when..

  Life seems out of my control.
  I feel helpless.
  Sick.
  Overwhelmed.
  Worried.
  No song left to sing.
  No praise to give.

  For me.
  For this day.
  this moment…

  I feel it is letting Him pull me in closer to Himself and just,

  Listening.
    

  “…. but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake:  but the Lord was not in the earthquake: and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire …

  a still small voice.” 

   (I Kings 19: 11,12)

  

  I want to hear His voice….
  in all things.

  Because (I believe by faith) in all things He speaks to us.

  No matter what the circumstance.
  No matter what my emotions feel.
  What lies the enemy hurls.
  Or how loud life screams.

  Amidst it all to know and recognize that sweet voice.
  To stop.
  and very simply.
  quietly.
  intentionally.
  Listen.
  

  “Be still…. and know that I am God”   (Psalm 46:10).
   
  = = ~ = = ~ = =

  I want to say that having a bad cough is nothing like having an incurable disease or serious illness, like I know many have faced or are facing…

  I know I’ll get well.

  This will pass.

  But life is life.

  Our burdens of the moment are our burdens nonetheless. Seemingly small or not.

  …This is just me rambling at the end of the day about another life lesson God is taking me through.

  Thanks for sharing in my journey with me.

  

   

  And now I think my antihistamine is working… Or perhaps it’s the 50% alcohol they put in most of those things!:p (which I think is actually only about 10. but man! that stuff leaves my head feeling massively weird!!)

  Either way.. my eyes are growing heavy. Better try to catch some sleep before this crazy cough kicks in again.

  Would appreciate prayers for my grandpa. <3

  amber.

  EDIT———

  ended up in the er myself last night.
  couldn’t stop coughing.
  couldn’t breathe.
  scary stuff.

  got a diagnosis though and medicine to start that should help…

  more later.

  • 12:13 am
  • 41 Comments