August 19, 2009

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  {Ben’s hair. Shayne’s shopping. And that crazy thing I got myself into…}
  
  
  I remember when my kids were younger thinking about the less busy days that were coming when they were older…

  Obviously, I’d never been a mother before!!
  
  
  
  
  
  It seems life never slows down. But I’ve decided I think I like it that way…
  
  Even someday when the kids are grown and I’m old and gray I hope I still like it that way!
  
  I love seeing older people who are active and always doing and going…
  
  I read this quote the other day and thought, “Yeah! That’s it!!”
  
  “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” – Jack Kerouac
  
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  One thing that fills our busy schedule right now is football for Ben.  This is his second year to play and he’s loving it.. last year, not so much. It was all new to him – not just learning the game and plays, but also having someone beside mom yelling at him!!
  
  I so enjoy watching him enjoy it.. though I’ve decided football practice is more the place for daddy than me since yeah, I’m not used to hearing anyone else yell at one of my babies -  I near headed out on the field a time or two cause I didn’t like it! I chose to walk away instead. …Funny though, when I stopped to look around it was mostly dad’s there anyhow. Later, I mentioned to Ben about all the yelling his coaches did and he said, “What do you mean?” ha~ I guess it’s a guy thing.
  
  He had his “big game” down at the Stadium where the Bengals play this past weekend~ such a cool experience for them.
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  One of the boys on Ben’s team has a six year old sister who was recently diagnosed with leukemia… Her name is Lily. She’s a tiny thing with huge big eyes that look even bigger against her soft bald head. She loves football and doesn’t want to miss a game. Out of support for her and her family they gave all the teams the option of shaving their heads like hers…
  
  Ben talked to me about it and said he thought he’d like to do it…
  
  “She’s so cute mom. And I can’t help thinking that could be emma.”  
  
   
  
  I was really touched by his heart. And relieved to see some growth in the area of “thinking of others ahead of himself” – something we’ve worked/are still working on with him.
  
  I’ll be honest… I really struggled with the thought of him buzzing his hair off.
  I love my kids hair…
  I know. I know. So superficial!
  They have such gorgeous, thick heads of hair though.
  And I happen to like Ben’s hair longer.
  He has a cowlick on the top too that the longer hair helps to cover!
  
  When the “haircut night” at practice came I found myself cringing a bit inside as Ben walked over and climbed up on the stool…
  
  
  
  I turned away, half joking-half not, to the lady cutting that I couldn’t watch…. as I did I happened to see Lily’s mom getting out of their SUV right then. Her own hair shaved down to the scalp. I watched her lift her sleeping girl out of her seat and carry her over to the field by her husband (also with a shaved head). My vanity and shallowness instantly slapped me in the face, and I was so ashamed of my attitude. I looked at Ben and smiled as he peered up at me while his cherished hair was quickly dropping to the ground. In that moment I thought he never looked better…
  
  And each time I see him now. Or run my hand over that stubbly top I’m reminded that life is about so much more than hair…
  
    
  
  So much more!
  
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  Does anyone have any idea what this is??
  
  
  
  Shayne went to the grocery for me on Saturday.. and it always cracks me up when he does the shopping. He comes home with some of the funniest stuff. Stuff we never buy. And usually, there’s always some kind of weird fruit or vegetable in the mix too. Because he, “wants the kids to experience different foods!”
  
  The sticker on it said, “Fruit from Mexico.”
  
  And it tastes like a potato!!
  
  Yes – yuck!!
  
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  Remember that crazy thing I said I’d gotten myself into….?
  
  Well, during Hello Dolly I met a lady who was on the board for something in our city called, “Mason Idol.” Like, American Idol.. only not. She said she thought I should audition… to which I’d always just laugh. I don’t consider myself a singer. And I’m far far from a performer!
  
  Then – my camera broke! And the cost to fix it was more than I had…  and I found myself racking my brain for how I could pay for it. One night in the dressing room I heard her telling someone else about the competition, but for the first time I happened to hear that there was cash money for the winner!! (are you smiling yet) …
  
  Two days later as I sat in the “holding area” and waited my turn I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry… one from the whole ridiculousness of even doing this. The other from being so downright nervous!
  
  I kept telling myself it was just some rinky dink little competition.. I’d give it my best.. no big deal. But as I walked into the room with the four judges behind the table, NOT smiling at me – I secretly promised myself in that instant to never ever again laugh at the contestants as I’ve done year after year on American Idol as they audition for their shot on the show…
  
  I had noticed the people going in ahead of me all carrying cd’s… I hadn’t realized you could sing with a soundtrack. I hadn’t even realized what I was going to sing until the day before, since I guess I hadn’t even realized I’d be doing this till about then either ~ ~
  
  “What will you be singing?” One of the judges asked.
  
  “Uh… Tale As Old as Time, from Beauty and the Beast….”
  
  I saw one of the judges raise her eyebrow and a slight smile catch her mouth. Perhaps the song choice was a bit immature for me…
  
  “I’m the mother of young children.” I said in my defense.
  
  You had to sing a Broadway tune, and it was one of the only songs I knew all the words to because my girls love watching that movie!
  
  Well, despite the Mrs. Potts sing-a-long I made it through to the next round~
  
  Which was a few Saturday’s ago now. Every time I would think about what I was doing I had to laugh – - this was so not me! Not in my comfort zone. I grew up singing in church, and at wedding’s and funeral’s.. and once for Mr. Gothard and a group of some kind of officials in his office from Taiwan – which was kinda weird (and funny)! And the time Julianne Thompson (Yamene) and I sang for a Regional Seminar and I laughed pretty much through it all … I have the worst habit of laughing at the most inappropriate times! But never had I sang for a audience that votes for you! Or judges that critic what you sang and tell you what they don’t like!
  
  When the day of the competition came and I waited my turn along the side, I was pretty much convinced that no amount of cash prize money was good enough for what I was feeling, which in a word was – Terrified!
  
  I kept trying to pep talk myself with things like, “You’ll never see these people again in your life… Your husband loves you no matter if you croak like a frog… You’ve given birth to three children, this is nothing…” But soon the private inspirational speeches ended and I was up~
  
  For the first round I chose to sing, “Once Upon a Dream.” A song that sort of became my “theme song” for the little baby we recently lost. It was special to me, and I was praying to just make it through without crying.
  
  I saw my mom crying in the crowd… I try NEVER to look at my mom when I’m up doing anything. She always cries when she watches her kids. She cried through Hello Dolly~ That’s mom. I love her. 
  
  Welp, made it to the next round. Sang another song. Made it to the final three.. which compete this Saturday at some big festival thing in the city. I’m rather wishing I would have cried or croaked or something now on that first song though. I hate feeling so nervous about something… I’m trying to simply focus on pointing others to God. I chose a Christian song for that purpose and hope the Lord will use the words to touch a life. Above anything, that’s ultimately what I want.  And okay.. yeah, the money would be a nice bonus!
  
  Thought it would be fun to share the video clip Shayne put together from the first round… with side notes and commentary added by me!

   
  [*edit ~ realized my mouth isn't really synchronized with my words. hmm.. worked fine on our computer,
  must be something with xanga (?) but hey, this gives me an idea ~ there's always the option of lip-synching! hee hee.]
  
  
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  “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  
  
  This is something I read to my kids today… encouraging them to not be afraid of “new things.”

  I think I need to read it again for myself!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  amber.
  
  

  • 12:46 am
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