November 13, 2009

• {playing for the critics}

     

  Ben’s team made it to the “Super Bowl” in his division.

  The game is tomorrow.

  I’m so excited for him. So is he.
  and nervous too..

  We’ve talked about it lots this week – and lots before that too,
  like – ‘IF we win the playoffs….” “IF we make it to the championship….”
  So it’s been fun to see those “if’s” become reality for him.

  We’ve been praying about it too..
  I liked his prayer the other night where he said,
  “God. I don’t know if you’re interested in things like football…
  but it would sure be nice if we could win.”

  Yeah, I don’t know if God is interested in football either –
  but I know he’s interested in US! 
  in our lives.
  in our hearts.
  in what’s taking place there…

  

  

  

  

  I love watching Ben play sports.
  Football. Basketball.
  those are the two he does.
  Funny – when I’m watching either of those at any other setting..
  I’m usually bored out of my mind –
  I have a short attention span.
  But if it’s my boy playing I’m so THERE!
  Into every play.
  Wanting to know every call.
  Constantly looking for Ben. {football is much harder to pick him out – they all look the same out there!}

  But as much as I “get into it” when I’m there..
  I don’t ever give a game any thought before hand.

  HOWEVER- this game on Saturday.. tomorrow. “The big one…”
  I’ve been thinking of alot.

  Maybe from all the extra talk about it around our house..
  or the extra long practices this week.
  But my thoughts are more than what they usually would be for a game –
  which is simply for Ben to do his best. have fun.
  I’ll be honest… I find myself really.really. {really.really.really}
  wanting him to WIN!

  

  And before you think I’m one of those crazy insane sports Mom..
  {although I am planning on spraying my hair green for the game!}
  You have to understand the team he is playing against.

  They’ve never been beat.
  They are the Yankees of Ohio Youth Football,
  winning the championship like 5 years in a row!!
  {c’mon boys.. time to share a little!}

  Their players have names like -
  Cody “The Crusher” Perry
  Zach “The Terminator” Davis
  and Jake “King Kong” Barett.

  The fans are equally as scary looking with their faces painted blue and gold -
  I always feel like I’m at a reenactment of Braveheart each time we play them..
  and they’re as equally scary sounding -
  don’t get me wrong, I can holler with the best of em~
  but I’ve never heard grown adult men and women SCREAM like that.
  And that’s not mentioning the cow bells and sirens they ding and ring and let off..
  making you think the local fire station is on parade!

  Our fans are much more laid back in their support~

  

  

  

  But all the scariness of the other team aside –
  when one of their coaches wives told our coach,
  “Your boys don’t stand a chance against our boys…”
  … and the coach passed that on to the team…
  which trickled back to us parents –
  yeah… uh-huh…. THEM’S FIGHTIN WORDS!!

  Amazing! what someone’s words will do. How their attitude can effect you…

  and I found myself AnNOyEd at what that woman had said.

  Suddenly, I didn’t just want Ben to win simply for the joy of winning.
  Suddenly, it was about winning against THAT team!

  It was no longer the satisfaction of seeing all the hard work and effort pay off …
  It was the satisfaction of seeing the team that thinks they can’t lose – lose.

  PROVING THEM WRONG.

  

    

  hmmm… I see some smiles breaking out as you begin to know where I’m going with this…
  the sports arena is full of spiritual insights, and I found myself mulling over some old {and not so old} struggles this week.

  Ever felt like you were motivated to do what you do to prove something to someone… ?

  Those who’ve judged and criticized. Who’ve said,
  you can’t …
  or you should …
  or why do you …

  I remember a lady in my church coming to me once and telling me she knew I was having a hard time with my kids during the service..
  “I can tell by the way you look down the pew at them that you’re irritated with how they’re acting.”
  After doing a quick birds eye view in my mind of where this woman sat in church and where I did..
  and how in the world she could even see that much detail from where she was,
  and why she wasn’t paying attention to the sermon instead of watching me..
  I kinda blurted out a confused, dumbfounded, “WHAT?”

  I should have went on to say,
  “Irritated? trust me lady.. I can show you irritated!”

  Instead I shook my head and mumbled something insincere like,
  “Thanks for sharing that….?”

  With some people it’s not even worth your time to try to explain –
  It has nothing whatsoever to do with any kind of love or concern for your life.
  They are there for one purpose – to critique. And they do it well.
  Those are the ones I’ve found it best to simply grin and move on.

  And though that’s exactly what I did with this lady, guess what…
  next time at church I found myself wanting to smile EXTRA big down the pew at my kids…
  to pat Ben on the head affectionately..
  and attempt to laugh off the loud scratch.scratch.scratch. from Emma’s crayons on her pad of paper.

  I was PERFORMING to PROVE my critic wrong.

  And that’s not only a bad way to live…
  it’s an exhausting one too.

   

  Wanting your life to resemble some form of success only so those who said, ‘you couldn’t'…
  might, even in a teeny tiny way, come to change their mind. {possibly}

  But people who have a critical spirit are never satisfied…
  that’s why it’s so exhausting to try to please them –
  just when you think you’ve proven one area they’ll turn on another.

  “LIVE FOR AN AUDIENCE OF ONE” is one of my favorite all time quotes.

  But even if that is the sincerest desire of your heart, still it can be a battle.
  It’s like the groupies at concerts that they hold back with those metal gate barricade things -
  you always seem to have that “group” that’s there shouting at you…
  or worse, the ones who stand in the background – observing. {hate that}

  And no matter how much you tell yourself others opinions don’t matter…
  this person is just off their rocker..
  and your security is deeply grounded in Christ so none of it shakes you.
  regardless. bottom line. it hurts.

  And the answer isn’t always as easy as “living for an audience of One..”
  even getting a t-shirt made with the slogan, and a license plate to match –
  I mean, it is.. but it isn’t.

  some things don’t seem to have a quick 1-2-3 it’s fixed if you do this and poof! all better.

  Life can’t always be sliced, diced, and served up in pretty little bowls that way.

    

  I think of Ben’s game tomorrow, and I’m reminded with as much as I want him to win -
  especially against THAT team.
  I know that winning isn’t everything.
  it’s nice. sure.
  But it’s temporary.
  It doesn’t produce a lasting peace and contentment and fulfillment.
  Because there will always be one.more.game.
  One more opponent..
  another challenge..
  another snitty remark from someone ..
  another critic.

  And if I live my life trying to prove someone or something wrong
  I’ll end up one of two ways, if not both:

  1). bitter because I can’t
  2). phony from trying to 

  No. I think the real victory is realizing I’m not here to PROVE anything.
  My entire Christian walk and the type of  “performance” I give is tied in so much to understanding that truth more and more.

  And our lives must be built upon truth. Take away truth and you’re left with only emotion.
  And a life built on emotion is unstable. wishy washy. and easily swayed by others opinions and views.

  “Study {focus on. be diligent} to show yourself approved unto GOD…” 2Tim.2:15

  

  

  

  There will always be those people in our lives who leave that little nagging desire in us to want to prove ourselves~

  tomorrow as we spray our hair green..
  carry our homemade banners..
  and try to make our cheers for our little determined football team louder than that of the ferocious, “you can’t beat us” opponents ..

  I think they’ll be a point somewhere in there…
  in the middle of all those cow bells ringing, and the nervous excited hearts pounding,
  where I’ll stop and smile towards the sky -
  soaking in a sigh of relief for just one second -
  glad {so very much} that there is One who’s approval I never have to earn or work for.
  His love is eternal and His acceptance unconditional…

  There will be many things I’ll win and lose at in this game of life -
  and let the critics think and say what they will.
  It’s not about knowing or trying to prove anything to them~
  but knowing because of Jesus,
  I don’t have to.

  GO BULLDOGS!!!!

  

  amber.    

  • 7:26 pm
  • 28 Comments