June 11, 2010
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{wanting some feedback}
I’ve had a writing project swirling in my heart for years now…
and it seems God’s finally provided the opportunity for it to come to fruition.
I’m excited to see it begin to unfold, but need your help~Since my perspective is limited to… well, my perspective
I’d like to broaden my view and get a more objective look.Question::
Do you know someone in christian ministry or have been there yourself who has experienced a “burn out” of sorts?
(and)
What do you think has contributed to that? And what could help prevent it?
Having grown up in a pastor’s home I have a particular soft spot for those in ministry- especially the wives, where so much of the hidden burdens fall.I liked what I read recently about John Piper taking a sabbatical because of his marriage. Not that he was having marital problems, but simply because he saw the signs of “need” within his wife. He didn’t use the words ‘burn out’ but I couldn’t help but to wonder if his time away was a preventative against just that.
Or as one pastor’s wife shared – “I feel like I’m in a 3-legged race. Only, I’ve fallen down in weariness and feel drug along now instead of running beside my husband…”
I know feelings of discouragement and disillusionment effect us all – only when you’re in a position of leadership your life seems to play out like the tabloids in the check out lane for all to see …
Personally, I’m not one of these that believes being a pastor or christian leader is the highest career or calling you could have – that somehow they have an edge on godliness or spirituality over say, Jo the plumber who loves God just as much. I believe every one of us is be ministers, “living epistles known and read of all men.” But at times I’ve wondered if the burn out some might experience isn’t because our “system” is flawed so to speak. The expectations placed upon them are wrong and not truly Scriptural.(?) Though you see their role in Scripture- ie. authority, leadership in the church- still, they are human. and struggle as any other would…. but are often made to feel like they’re “not allowed” to have these feelings.That’s just one observation and I’m throwing it out there to hear more thoughts on it…
I would like honest, heart felt input here on these questions – but this is in no way giving an open door to bash those leaders we know or have served under – - as kooky as some may be. and yeah.. there’s some kooky ones for sure. : p
And I’d like to keep this forum public so perhaps something someone shares might trigger thoughts of your own~ if you’re not comfortable with that feel free to message me here or email me –
If you’re a reader from facebook you can contribute by clicking on the anonymous button I believe, and sharing that way.
Remember there’s no right or wrong answers here – simply wanting your feedback.
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AND.. I just have to mention in case you hadn’t realized.. tHe WeeK- eNd is here again!!
I’ve never been so excited about weekends in my life.
¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber.
Comments (50)
I love that picture at the end! WooHooo! After I make french toast, I will send you my take on burn out. Hugs, GAil
i CAN GET ON A SOAPBOX ABOUT THIS!
Keep God first – but never allow ministry to get ahead of family relationships.
Schedule a quiet, relaxing time into every day. (That’s how I began blogging, because I like to do something relaxing and fun in the evening. We are selfish about our evenings.)
Live one day at a time, especially when ministry work is overwhelming.
Bless and honor coworkers, and be clear in your communication to them.
Keep a grateful attitude. (Complaining is not a fruit of the Spirit!)
I could put a list of “bullets” under each of these.
I agree about the calling of everyone being just as important as our pastors call to ministry. I’m called to do whatever it is I’m doing in my life to the best of my ability and be a witness and living epistle no matter what my job is!
My husband went to Bible school and does some fill in preaching, but is not at this time a pastor. I work in non-profit, human services, I think that the burnout issue comes back to the same reasons for both people in my field and in ministry. A)workload: SO SO SO MUch need and so little that can be done to help B)Lack of appreciation for work done. It’s hard to give and give and give and have no one to understand and truly vent to. No one who’s checking to see if you’re needs are met too C)No respite: So many pastor’s don’t take time to tend to the needs of themselves and their families. Pastors need days off, that are real days off, they need vacations, they need lunch breaks, they need everything in their jobs that we need in our jobs! They need time off for family illness/issues.
i have been enjoying the weekends too. it has been a blessing to have all the weekends of the summer free for me to choose what i want to do with them. this weekend i hope to just crash and get some little piddly things done.
it is only on xanga that i’ve come into contact with some people who have had some burnout on the church..but that isn’t that it doesn’t happen in my life i guess its just easier to explain in journal form and that is why i’ve wandered into getting to know these people. its sooo sad to me how much the church body itself can contribute to such pain in people’s lives. i will find it interesting to read what you hve to say about it and what you glean from others.
Huge topic. Yes, I do think there is burnout, and often because of expectations, both by those ministered to and by those doing the ministry. I am not sure how to set up a healthier system, it does seem that teaching people how to rely on the Lord himself, and having ministry that is set up for the body to minister to one another is a big help. I agree with the above comments.
I have been in youth ministry for eight years now, and if anything it has deepened my relationship with God. I have had to find the balance with it and my life with my family. It helps that I have always had one or more of my boys involved too. I love spending time with the kids, they are like having more kids. I am sad at some of the stuff they go through, and seek to disciple them, so I do not feel burnt out, often because I feel called to do this.
I have seen burn out in both our Youth Pastor (unpaid volunteer) and our head Pastor (paid position) though. People rely on them so much, and want so much of their time and resources. Our head Pastor just abruptly retired after 20 years. I think that we are seeing both the unhealthy, in that he was overwhelmed enough to retire with only a weeks notice. But I am also seeing the healthy, in that he has been teaching that this is our church, not his, and the body has continued along the last weeks ministering to one another. We are in that process of seeing what will happen. Leadership in the church has a responsibility in this too. They have had very high expectations from our Youth Pastor, who works a more than full time job, mentors the kids, and largely finances what we do. He is feeling burnt out too. On the flip side, he LOVES kids and pretty much wants to spend a lot of his time with them. I think an individual definitely needs to communicate in ministry, and those that are part of the leadership need to be open to what is happening and to the Lord’s leading. We are people, and all sinful, I do see people leading by what they “want” to happen, rather than by what God wants to happen. I know you could put that so much more eloquently…but the thing is, the flesh and spirit meet in this ministry, we often need to get out of the way and put our own desires aside!
I have noticed that I start “burning out” when I feel like my husband’s ministry to others is more important than his ministry to his family. He really works hard not to do that, but sometimes it seems like there can be an unspoken competition between men in the ministry to prove themselves worthy of the job by ignoring the clock, their tiredness, or their secret wish to just go home and hang out with their family. Nobody wants to be looked at as the guy who isn’t a “team player”.
Something else I am learning, is that unless God has given me a love and desire to do whatever it is I am asked to work in, whether it be teaching Sunday School or the bus route or whatever, I will quickly start to grow weary of it and even grow resentful of church and ministry in general. I am incapable of serving with the right heart and energy if I am not close to the Lord and at peace with His will for my life. So often people get stuck in a job where they were “just filling in for a few weeks”. 5 years later they are still “filling in” and hating it. I think the church family as a whole needs to be more understanding of individuals who just say “You know what? I want to serve, but not in this particular role.” It doesn’t always mean they are backsliding or out of God’s will, it could just be that God has some other role for them.
ANYWAY, these are just a few thoughts! I always enjoy reading your blog, it is so transparent and encouraging, and really just a beautiful place to stop and “visit”. Can’t wait to hear more on your writing project.
Aleassa Jarvis
Hmmm…I’m there. I’m a pastor’s wife and i’m there. The last year has been a nightmare, church split in half, my DH caught in the middle. Running away is so very tempting. It has brought me so much closer to my Father. There’s nowhere else to turn!! So, we wait on God.
Wow! Where to start???? Ministry is a Blessing, a Calling, a devine gift……it can also become that “all comsuming fire” that the Scripture refers to! We have been at it for over 25 years now…full time, not counting the 5 years before my husband left his secular job to become “full time”……Years ago, I remember a Senior Pastor’s wife whom I really respected saying to me, “there is no one in the world more proud as a young man called to Pastor!” He thinks he can charge into Hell with a squirt gun and defend Heaven and Earth!” I used to think of what she had said….pondered it over and over…..after all these years, I think I finally understand what she was trying to communicate to me…….When first called into Ministry, we are so filled with HIS spirit, so excited about serving in HIS vinyard….so young, vibirant, filled with expectations of all God is going to do in us and thru us! Yes, we can appear sorta arrogent and proud and very zelous! Then you “get in there”…..you start “your” ministry…..you work you pray, you cry, you try, try, try…you get hurt by those you hold most dear, you work and try harder, you lose sleep, you trade your vacation for church camp……you give, you try, you give somemore……your heart is wounded again, yet by another of your closest most dear friends on earth…..you ache in silence…..you continue on, and on, and on……your kids get kicked around, your family suffers continually~ you have no one to talk to about your hurts, cares, lacks in finances…..you continue on in your journey….you lose a little of your zeal…..you cry in private, you stop sharing your pain with your spouse, because you know they are on “overload” too…….life goes on……….ministry continues…….VBS……….Deaths……..weddings………showers………….Worship Services……….midweek…………you cry out to God daily………….HE is your only confort and solas……………You feel Jesus with you as you do what HE has called you to do……………You feel you are all alone ……………..not a lot of people you can trust in Ministry, most turn their backs on you at some point, so It is lonely at best, most of the time……………………your children grow up, some receive your teaching, others have plans of their own…….your heart silently breaks………………………………..again………………………………………..no one there to share your family hurts and cares……………..just Jesus…who is enough………………………………………………..life goes on………………you continue…………….you strive to please God………………..you know it is all the HOLY spirit and none of you……………..you know it is ALL God and not anything you can do in your own flesh………………………………………Your pride has been crushed, you have been wounded and hurt………………..but yet…..His Mission has been accomplished………….you have given yourself for HIS call, just as you promised……………no one ever told you it would cost so much or be so lonely or painful………………………But God knew from the beginning…………….remember, the All Cosuming Fire?………………which it has been…………..has burned off most of the pride and drose…………it has made us purer……………..cleaner……………..more humble………………what HE wanted all along…………..Not compaining here……….just trying to explain the JOURNEY in human feelings……………………..If you desire the office of a Bishop, you desire a good work~ but if you can be satisfied doing AnYtThiNg else~~~~ DO IT! It’s not easy! It’s not full of awards and pat’s on the back along the way……….it is loney………….sad and sometimes more than you think you can bare………………………………truley, it is only by God’s Grace you make it! I think the process makes us better people, but would have never dreamed it would be like it has on this journey………I have grown and learned soooo much about suffering, pain, heart ache, death, sacrifice, loneliness………………..and God has a way of using them in my life to help others……humbling to say the least. Sometimes I desire friends, just someone to have a meal with and share on the deepest level in my soul…………but somehow…………..God knows, perhaps, my deepest need of my soul will always be HIM…..and this is where I try to live and where HE keeps me by being “IN THE MINISTRY”.
I’m only going to leave a short comment…….I love the picture of Ben! =) LOL.
I also find myself thinking A LOT that ministry should really be much more simple! When things are busy all the time with all those things that the previous poster mentioned…VBS, Youth Ministry, Children’s Ministry, Candy and Prizes, Camp, Choir, Special Music, Luncheons, Outings, activities, activities, activities…I know in the Old Testament worship was very complicated, but it seems like in the New Testament, it was pure and simple: “they were added to the church daily such as should be saved”. The church grew because people were saved. People were saved to bring glory to God. That simple. Maybe I am naive, but I do wonder why going to church always has to be such an event. I think forgetting to see the forest for the trees can be a contributer to burn out as well.
msg you later…
♥~
Rachel
You asked for it, Amber. ;-D And I didn’t spell check… these are just my not-so-brief-yet-composed-as-though-I-had-no-time thoughts.
Ministry burnout can be attributed to a great many things. I’ve noticed things that are positive aids to preventing ministry burnout, and things that negatively accelerate burnout. These happen both internally and externally.
Thus, there’s internal helps and detriments, and external helps and detriments. I’ll just share what I’ve seen and experienced, rather than my more idealistic thoughts on the matter.
My experience isn’t exactly wide: half-a-dozen churches in 12 years of loving Christ, and many others through second-hand knowledge. So take it with a handful of salt.
1. Internal aids to prevent burnout.
A. Specifically thinking as a pastor, I have to realize that the people that I minister to are in no way “mine.” They’re God’s, and God is more than able to do in them what He needs to without me. They can be angry at me. They can be indifferent. God will still sanctify and perfect them (Hebrews 10). I am an undershepherd, not the Chief Shepherd. They are not ultimately “my” work. They are His work… 1 Corinthians 3. The foundation is Christ! Not me. This takes so much pressure off when I think of those I’ve poured my life into that have turned away from the faith, and it steals the opportunity for pride when I think of those that are still walking faithfully with Christ.
B. Deliberate choices to love in the face of fear. If perfect love acted upon by us casts out fear (like 1 Jn 4 indicates), then the biggest weapon against fear is the love of Christ in me. So, when I know gossip is happening behind my back, do I choose to go out of my way to love the one who is gossipping? Do I choose to confront it in a loving, constructive way? Or do I just hope it’ll go away?
C. Scripture meditation and prayer. This seems obvious, but see if you can relate: ever seen a pastor whose sole purpose in Scripture reading is to prepare the next message? To prepare for the next counselling session? This is a man about to burnout. And I’ve been there! Unless we seek to be refreshed by the Word personally and familially… applying the Word to our lives first, then encouraging our spouse, then our kids, then our congregation… pastors will at best preach what they don’t practice, and at worse sink into hypocritical sin as they’re convinced that the Word is for others, but not for them.
Coupling prayer with Scripture is how I approach this. Sometime ago, I thought “Have I ever read a Psalm and just prayed it back to God, dynamically asking Him to apply the Word to situations I know I will face?” It helps immensely!
D. Realize the nature of grace. I do not earn God’s favor or blessing. Period. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever. The Mosaic Law is fulfilled in Christ! I don’t look to the dead law to feed and fill my soul with promises of blessing if I obey! This is perhaps one of the biggest misfires in IBLP, for all of the other teaching that may be valuable.
Instead, if I view grace in terms of a neverending stream that God promises because of Christ, not because of personal obedience, than my motivation for daily living won’t be debt, or fear, or reward. It will be unbridled love for God, and thus in turn for man. So I wake up many days, and I tell God that I am trusting Him for the grace that He has for me in that day. To deal with that person. That circumstance. That sin that’s in me.
Read Future Grace by John Piper for the biblical arguments for this (on Battling Unbelief for the Reader’s Digest version).
2. External aids to prevent burnout.
A. Train disciplemakers, not merely disciples.
The goal behind this: surround yourself with men that are gifted in different ways so they can reach a greater variety of people than you could on your own. To say that one man should do the work of the ministry while others look on is obviously wrong. But to say that one man is capable of leading and truly discipling every person in the church is equally wrong. We need help.
Moses had Jethro. Paul had Silas, Mark, Luke. Jesus had the disciples. This is what ministry should look like. In a local church, call it a plurality of elders. In a parachurch ministry, call it an executive board. These aren’t merely advisors… these are co-leaders. Maybe there’s still an elder-among-elders, but practically speaking everyone should have a vote and a voice. Without going into much detail, I genuinely believe it’s the biblical model. Maybe more on that later.
Obviously this will help with burnout. Many pastors in the Baptistic pastor/deacon model (i.e. one chief pastor who handles all aspects of ministry) are basically stuck, watching a rotation of men come and go while they are there doing the ministry. If others with other gifts stay and are discipled
This doesn’t need to start in some grand way. One advantage that a pastor often enjoys is having the big view of where the church is going. We need to take the long view… what will our church look like in 5 years? What steps do we take to get there? I would argue that the fundamental foundation to this is casting a vision that’s foundation is making disciples (Matt 28:19-20). This is the church’s mission! And inasmuch as the pastor is involved in that, he’ll see both short term encouragement as men go
B. Focus on people, not ministry structures.
The tendency in many churches is to switch a focus from individuals to ministries when the church gets larger. Usually it’s with good intent; what better way to reach more individuals than to create a ministry that will reach more people?
Sometimes, though, the individual isn’t aided by this in their walk. People can “slip through the cracks.” Numbers become the indication of a healthy ministry, rather than the individual maturity of each attendee.
The solution: even in your ministries, focus on people. Is the program, etc. still serving the interest of building disciples of Jesus Christ? It means that any “program” probably needs to be more involved than one day a week. Parents will need to be involved with children during the week to reinforce the teaching and application. Spouses will need to confront each other about “what the preacher said” when the going gets rough. Etc.
So, people still must be trained. And any ministry that isn’t discipling people needs to be phased out or reordered so that it is discipling individuals.
The last two points are summed up well in The Reformed Pastor by Richard Baxter (as in reformed by the Spirit, not reformed theologically), The Trellis and the Vine by Collin Marshall and Tony Payne.
C. Focus on heads/hearts and hands, in that order.
No one wants to create a hypocrite, least of all a pastor. But one thing that a pastor can unwittingly do is give application or “commands” to others without biblical reason or warrent.
Let me illustrate what I mean. If a pastor tells a congregation that they should just go out and “be holy” without regard for the reason they should be holy, or the fact that God is making them holy (check out 1 Peter 1), we will create practical hypocrites.
So, a husband goes home, sees his wife respond in harshness towards his kids, and snaps. “We’re to be holy!” is his thought. Without regard for the way in which God’s holiness should create humility in him… before he speaks to his wife.
Worse yet, when there’s no reason for obedience, and no realization of the power we have in Christ, the command alone produces guilt. I’m not loving. I’m not peaceable. I’m not patient. Etc. And so, rather than thinking in terms of the grace that is theirs in Christ, they’ll be constantly beat about by every person and circumstance that presents a trial.
And when a church of hypocrites has been built, that of all things is probably the most taxing on a pastor.
Desiring God by Piper, and Sam Storm’s book on the Religious Affections (by Edwards) come to mind as useful for this point.
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Three other books that are AMAZING in this regard: Mark Dever’s “Nine Marks of a Healthy Church” and “The Deliberate Church.” Also, Piper’s “Brothers, We Are Not Professionals” is possibly the best book on pastoral ministry.
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I’ll try to get to the negatative detriments that accelerate burnout next week. Two years ago Monday Nat and I got married; we’ll be indisposed for the weekend. Woot!
I decided I wouldn’t read anyone else’s thoughts until I put mine out here because I don’t want to be influenced. I think we do often expect our leaders to be perfect, and they struggle to live up to a standard they cannot maintain. I think some of the biggest problems for pastors are:
1. Many have no one that they are accountable to. This is dangerous and unhealthy. We all need someone we can talk to, someone who will tell us the truth about ourselves.
2. Leaders have to remember there is only one Savior, and it’s not them! It is so easy to think we are responsible to be the answer for everyone’s problem. Nope.
3. Leaders need to make sure family time is a priority, and to understand that times of rest and refreshing are not unspiritual, but necessary. Even GOD rested on the seventh day, right?
4. Leaders must never get so busy doing the work of the Lord, that they forget the Lord of the work. Too many pastors only spend time in scripture for their next sermon preparation. They need to keep their relationship with the Father fresh and close.
5. I honestly think there are some in the ministry who never really “got the call” from God to be there. It has to be more than a career choice. If God has not anointed and called one to this type of service, you are crazy to do it! LOL!
I am sure I will think of ten other things when I click submit, but it’s 11 PM here and I need to recharge! ZZZZzzzzz
P.S. I will be watching the mail! I’m excited!
Wow, what can I say? Just realize that if Christ is in you, He IS your life. Therefore, you don’t have to go out and get a life. Just let Him live through you. Let His fruitful spirit live through you; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. As “Christians”, whether we’re in ministry as leaders or followers, we all need to be balanced out. Part of self-control is setting boundaries to protect yourself and your family. We need to rest and not fret! Burnout comes from when we take too much on and make things too complicated. I believe we all should simplify the church. Pare down the ministries, pay off the debts, let the egos go. Pastors need to take a break, just like the rest of us!
I think this might actually be the first time I have commented on your blog, so hello!
I grew up as a pastor’s kid. – With all it’s conditions, etc.
As a child I remember so many times wondering why (and vocalizing it when I was older) my dad had to go to church and he couldn’t stay at home with us. I remember feeling angry that other people “ran” our lives – like cutting vacation short because someone has died and we have to go home for my dad to do his funeral.
My dad has gone through a lot. He has been accused of being a “bad pastor” (which I’m sure most have), and it was heart breaking. People have turned their backs on him when it was probably God they were trying to turn their backs on. People we thought were our “friends” have turned into enemies. I have been personally attacked because people don’t like my dad.
When I was a young teenager my mother went through a “sickness”. I don’ remember a lot of it, but looking back she was probably suffering from depression because of everything going on at church. My dad is 52 now and he has been in full time ministry since he was 28. All three churches he has served have been small and he has grown them. They are small churches so he has usually had to do everything and be a “One man show” -being not only the minister but the music leader and all of the little things as well.
My husband is also in the ministry, however not full time. I will hopefully remember to come back and give you my thoughts on that, but right now I have to go to dinner.
@Viz3 - Have you read The Naked Gospel by Andrew Farley? It’s excellent! You made great points, by the way. I wish you could meet with our “Senior” pastor!
I’ll write and tell you about my mental/emotional break down. I’m being totally serious. ~ Cuckoo cuckoo.
Sounds like an interesting writing project!
The most encouraging thing I’ve read about this subject was “Walls of Glass” – don’t remember the author though. I’m eagerly anticipating yours. 
I was raised in church too. My dad is now a pastor but he wasn’t when I was growing up. I went to Bible school, got married and we’ve been in full time ministry for 8 yrs this Father’s Day. It has been the BEST years of our life as well as the hardest. Pretty ironic, but true.
Looking back over it, there have been some really strange people God has brought our way, but He usually weeds them out. LOL There is a man smearing my husband online right now, but it’s just hilarious because he’s so crazy. As a church, the hardest thing we’ve been thru is a split. Seems like everyone has one.
But people are made stronger and loyalties are known. When you look back you know it’s for the better. Thankfully we do not have a church full of needy people. My husband stresses a personal walk with God and tells people all the time that if they were in the Bible they would not be needing all the “counsel” they think they need. We have learned not to throw people into any type of service but let them come to us with their desires and then let them run with whatever ministry God has laid on their hearts. And that you can’t do everything everyone suggests. 
Josh has a habit of saying, when someone suggests something, “Sure, sounds good. You head that up!” You should see the expression on their face!
As a pastor, Josh gets burnt out on Mondays when he has to go back to his full time job after preaching on Sunday.
It really does take it out of him. I don’t think people realize just how much work goes into studying/preaching. He’s physically drained from it. The hardest things he has had to deal with was when his Senior pastor/mentor stepped down suddenly and didn’t acknowledge him as a pastor but as a fill in til they got one. Church split shortly to follow. Josh was fixing years of problems this man acquired financially as well as a very needy congregation. Then years after cleaning up the mess this same man made from hiding an affair for 5 years.
For me, the time I got burnt out was during the whole church split thing because my husband was so busy and overwhelmed, I was about 8 months pregnant and never seeing him because of people who didn’t respect him. I was definitely ready to throw in the towel. The biggest lesson I’ve learned though is that if things are good between me and God and me and Josh then it just doesn’t matter what other people have to say. Also that my priority is my husband and family. Not fitting into some mold people have of what a preacher’s wife should do. My biggest issues have come from my in-laws that are in church. It has been a losing battle just trying to have a working relationship with them so I gave it up. Gave it all to God and He’s given me so much more peace.
As a couple and family, Josh has always let us know that we are more important than the church or ministry related things. All I have to do is hint that I need some extra attention or things are getting to me and he will literally drop everything for me.
Most importantly, we’ve seen regular Christians – just meaning ones that are in a ministry or not, get burnt out easier than those doing more and it always leads back to that walk with God. If you’re too focused on doing and not on developing a relationship and cultivating that relationship, you will get burnt out sooner or later. God has to be first.
We’re still learning and have an attitude of wanting to learn and change to be more like Christ. We love every single person God has seen fit to bring our way and I thank Him on a regular basis for always being there. He’s so good to us! Oh, also… one of the most encouraging things for me lately was, my husband was preaching about Ruth and you know when Boaz meets her and says to her (paraphrasing) that it has been showed him all the things that she has given up to be there. Josh said, God knows everything you’ve given up to have a better relationship with Him and to serve Him. I knew God knew, but it was so encouraging to hear it again.
Interesting topic. Paraphrasing what Barbara Bush once said,”what goes on in YOUR house is more important than what goes on in the White House”. What goes on in our homes is more important than what goes on in the church. Good solid 2 parent families who both love the Lord and treat each other as they wish to be treated would make for more effective Christian living and the churches they attend would have fewer problems making a Pastor’s job far easier. I’ve known of preachers who act as councillors and have no business doing anything more than saying “treat your wife/husband/children as you want to be treated”. They can not be, nor should they try to be all things to all people.
When I was a relatively new Christian and a “member” of the church for the first time in my life I was a taken aback by what was “expected” of the pastor and his wife. I got this uncomfortable feeling that people somehow didn’t grasp that these people were only human. As a new beleiver and reading my Bible and learning that we are not to be gossips, I was shocked by how easily people made critical comments of the couple and their ministry, like this didn’t fall under the no gossip command. It was like they were open targets and I can’t tell you how strange it seemed to me as one who was seeking to follow Christ. They and their children were constantly being judged. People would just “drop” comments and I was so uncomfortable with it all, like I was being put on the spot…expected to make some comment of my own, I would just awkwardly change the subject. But I can tell you as a fresh new Christian, thinking I was walking into a place that would be way different then the world I left, it was crushing to me to discover that people were just as mean inside the church as outside the church. It also made me think that people were somewhat naive to think that any one couple (and their children) could or should meet these “perfect” standards…please all the people all the time, be all things to all the people. I knew couldn’t, the one’s doing the critizing couldn’t, so what would make them think these two mere humans could? It didn’t seem to matter that generally speaking they were a wonderful couple serving the Lord with all their hearts, raising flesh and blood children to the very best of their ability! It all seemed terribly unfair and warped to me and left me as a baby beleiver quite baffled to this whole church business.
I watched this couple go through somewhat of a burnout (actually it seemed more like a runout to me)…they moved on to a Christian college, where the husband taught (I’m sure they are retired by now) but there was a lot of hurt and pain attached to it. So I think to answer your question about burnout and what could contribute…what I seen was unrealistic and naive expectations along with lack of support. I don’t know how the church goes about changing that kind of thinking or how it got to be like that in the first place. Our church has never had a pastor since that time…we operate with a group of elders.
It still hurts when I think about it because I genuinely loved and respected this couple. The “wife” was so good to me in discipling me in my early years, she helped ground me and I attribute the fact that I didn’t completely “fall away” during a very difficult time in my life, in part, to her ministering to me when was I was a new beleiver! Things she said to me would reverberate through my head…like…”nothing can seperate you from the love of God…you can’t even wiggle out on your own.” That would go through my head when I was struggling and wanting to bail…but that’s another story!
Anyways…another perspective for you…that and I think I need to “look” this lady up, I’ve lost track of her and it’s been far too long since I’ve talked to her!
All God’s best on your writing project…will you be sharing it with us when it’s done?
While my husband and I aren’t in leadership, we have often believed just as you mentioned….that our system is flawed. Expectations of our leadership is way over the top! I see those in leadership as other broken people, hobbling along, right along side of us.
yup I agree with totallycherished!
and I so want to read a book by Amber ( :
I never quite understood Missionary families who send their children to boarding school for years
to be raised by others while they minister away.. but yet miss out on ministering to the first priorities God has given them
Yikes, Amber! Can of worms! (And FYI: caps are for emphasis, not shouting.)
Of course, burnout isn’t exclusive to pastors, or their families, or even to long-term ministry. I’ve watched people, I’ve BEEN one of those people, who burnt out with just a short-term task for the Lord. Burnout is evidenced by resentment at those whom you serve when they act badly or inconveniently (which is, in truth, way more common than folks acting well). Burnout is evidenced by feelings of being overwhelmed by things that aren’t even part of the ministry, like backed up plumbing at home, or some such. Burnout is evidenced by an inability to remember the promises of God, and apply them to each new inconvenience or pain, at the moment of that new inconvenience or pain. Burnout is wanting to quit: this task I agreed to, the whole ministry, even with the Lord. It’s a desire to “go back to my nets”, because “I can’t do this/take this anymore.”
As such, we ALL experience times of burnout, some shorter, some longer than others. Paul had his moments of depression, where he despaired even of life. Jesus even wanted to quit, though He didn’t, thankfully (Father, if it be possible, take this cup from Me.)
How do we go on? How do we go on with JOY? For I don’t think God would’ve told us to count our trials all joy if it were impossible to do so.
I think it has to do with our minds, how we think and *what* we think about what’s happening to us. When others hurt us, and of course tell us that WE are responsible for the pain because we didn’t do that ministry the way THEY thought we should’ve, we are temporarily crushed if we think they’re right. That is, if we *own* the complaints of every complainer (which is EVERYONE EVERYWHERE), as if those complaints were somehow automatically legitimate just because they were voiced, and as if those people were who we had to please, then that dampens our enthusiasm for the Lord’s work. Then, if we get enough complaints, over enough time, the result is more than mere dampened enthusiasm: it’s burnout.
We forget that we are GOD’S servant, not the servant of all the folks who want us to do things their way. We forget that we stand or fall to our Master, Jesus Christ, not according to all the insistent voices who want something *more* or something *else* from us.
You said in your blog, Amber, “still, they are human. and struggle as any other would…. but are often made to feel like they’re “not allowed” to have these feelings.”
They are “made” to feel this way, you said. By whom? By the folks who complained at them? Or by folks who expected them to be more super-spiritual than regular people? We are not “made” to feel anything. How we feel about a person’s expectations of us is OUR choice. And it has to do with what we THINK about that person, and even what we THINK they should have done or not done. Feelings are a result of THINKING. To change feelings, we must change our thinking. And that is what the Lord tells us to do when He says things like COUNT it all joy, or let this MIND be in you, or renew your MIND,and so on.
We forget that it’s not against flesh and blood that we war. The devil uses our past experiences, the culture, other believers, etc., to get us to THINK a certain way, and then our feelings follow. I think we women, in particular, are driven by the devil THROUGH our feelings. And if we don’t see those feelings as a part of our being that the devil has easy access to, and tries to destroy us through, then we will be led captive at his will by them. And he definitely wants to lead the Lord’s soldiers to quitting.
I think it is a fallacy from the devil that feelings are just something that we have, without any control over them. And I think that is is also from the devil that somehow we are more “real” if we let them all hang out. How convenient for the devil’s purposes of destroying a Christian, destroying a ministry, destroying Christian unity, if he can get us to think that the feelings of resentment, betrayal, anger, etc., that he manipulates in us are not only uncontrollable, but somehow virtuous.
All this to say, I think the solution to burnout is the Person of Truth, found in the Word of Truth. Truth about ourselves. Truth about God and His REAL expectations (so often NOT what we think they are). Truth about our brothers and sisters in Christ. Truth about God’s justice. Truth about the here-and-now vs. the future with the Lord. Truth about the mechanisms and purposes of the church. Truth about what the church truly is (not a building, not an organization). Truth about trials and pain, their source and purposes. And so much more. But simply KNOWING what the Word of Truth has to say about all these things is not enough. It is BELIEVING it. It is wanting it to be true in us. Truth in the inward parts is NECESSARY to not burning out.
We don’t think rightly. We think we are servants of people. We think the ministry we do is our ministry. We think the results of that ministry are up to us, that good results are because we “helped God out”, and bad results are because we “got in God’s way”. (And if we don’t believe that, then others will help us get there by praising us “in the Lord” when we do things the way they like, and by “sharpening us” when we don’t do it the way they like.) We shortchange God, not believing He can or is really working in our church, our people, our lives, our families, our circumstances, our broken refrigerators, ad infinitum.
To be set free from the tyranny of burnout, we must know, and believe, the Person of Truth. And when the fiery darts of the devil are many and various, and when we are on the front lines of the battle, as those in ministry are, we must all the more LIVE in the Truth. We must bury ourselves in the Lord. And we’ve got to shake the habit of praying to Him to remove our circumstances, to bring justice to those who do wrong to us or hurt us or demand of us, to give us what we want, or to otherwise remove the trial. We’ve got to get in a new habit of going to the Lord FOR THE LORD. Only. There are no 5-step processes for eliminating burnout, or 10-step programs for preventing it. There’s only one Step. Jesus Christ. The bible calls it abiding. Without abiding in Him, we can do nothing. Except be burned up and out by this life, whether in ministry or out.
O to abide in Jesus,
O to be His alone;
Close to the fount of blessing,
Close to my Savior’s throne.
O for an earnest longing,
Into His life to grow;
O for a deeper yearning,
More of its joy to know.
We must abide in Jesus to know the joys of His life. His life had great pain. But great joys. And there is joy in Him that overcomes all burnout. It’s in Him. Alone.
…stepping down off the soapbox now
All I know is our head pastor finally took a two month sabbatical last summer. He and his family left town and went to live with his in-laws. He read, visited other churches, played with his daughters and dated his wife. I don’t know if she got the same rest…still had mom work…but he was so refreshed. He also leads worship and it is much more powerful and Spirit led now. All those in ministry NEED times of rest
I scanned the above comments. Don’t forget the role of Satan in burnout. He is so happy to see it happen and I’m sure he does all he can to encourage it. But “greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” We left the mission field for 3 reason, financial, having to send children away to school, and interpersonal relationships.
Burnout = when you become absorbed with what you can do for God and for others, rather than being absorbed with Him alone. So easy to fall into this trap. Seems to me the solution is to rekindle that first-love relationship and keep it going…..get away with Him, on a regular basis, and just BE together…not always DOing.
Initially, two things come to mind that cause burn out for those in ministry. One, their love for the Lord. Two, their service. You would think those things would qualify them for ministry – but often it’s the good things that cloud the best. There’s nothing to give unless we receive from Jesus.
As for love, you look at Peter and John. Peter was prepared to go anywhere and do anything for Jesus. John was the self-ascribed “disciple whom Jesus loved”. When there was the Cross, however, only John was at the foot of it. So many ministers have their running shoes on at the starting line of “how much they love the Lord” when it’s all about Jesus….and how MUCH the Father loves them! Of all messages that need to reach the heart, people need to know that they are the beloved of God and that nothing can separate them from that love. Those in ministry, in seeking to communicate God’s love, are often the first to forget how much they’re loved by him. A minister that knows it in an everyday kind of way will be speaking the greatest message ever to everyone without ever having to open his mouth. “Love never fails” – “And now abides faith, hope and love….but the greatest of these is love” – “God IS love” No burn out there when you constantly see yourself as “the one who Jesus loves” instead of trying to “go everywhere” or “be anything” or “do anything” for him.
As for service, you look at Mary and Martha. Martha’s ministry was leaving her frustrated and reactionary. Mary seemed to be doing nothing but visiting with Jesus. Sometimes we think that Martha was being scolded for good work, but not really. Jesus just felt for her because he knew that the cares of her ministry were crowding out the “one thing that was needful”: resting in his presence and enjoying him. There’s no ministry, no service, nothing to give – unless something’s been given or revealed to you from Jesus. It’s wonderful at first to feel so needed in ministry – running here and there – serving the Lord. But to be so occupied as to forego the ONE THING that is most needful – that rest in Christ – next thing you know, you’re giving from your own reserves instead of from that spring of living water. You burn out. The only labor the Bible says we should be about is laboring to enter his rest. Rest, gleaning from Jesus, is the better part he said Mary chose. It’s not what the Spirit does through the minister for the crowds that’s the marvel. It’s what the Spirit does within the minister that makes the crowds marvel and be in awe. God has always been an individual-kind of God.
People will say, “Oh, yeah, but look at Mary. What good was she? So heavenly minded, no earthly good?” Not necessarily so. God has a way of taking people like Mary that choose to rest in him, and setting them up to be of the best kind of service to him. Wasn’t it this Mary who came to the tomb with spices for Jesus’ burial – ready to minister to him like very few did? And wasn’t she one of the first to see him alive again? Perfect service! Perfect timing! Perfect place!
When the goal is that rest in Christ before ministry – a revelation from him before revealing him to others – he’s the giver through it all, and HE doesn’t burn out. I like the story in John 4 where Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well. The disciples had gone into town to buy food and Jesus was just sitting at that well, tired from his journey. Now, if I was tired and hungry, having to minister to that Samaritan woman would have REALLY drained me. But when Jesus ministered to her -imparting to her the living water – it actually REFRESHED him to minister and give to her, for when the disciples came back with food for him? he said that he had food to eat that they knew nothing about – doing the will of the Father and the work he sent for him to do. Ministers, doing the will of the Father and his work, get drained and burnt out. Only Jesus is different. He’s fed and refreshed!
So, John Piper, is right to safeguard that rest for himself and for his family, I believe too. We were MADE for rest. Man’s first day was God’s rest day. When man rests, God works. It’s not how we love him, it’s how he loves us. It’s not how faithful we labor, it’s how completely we rest.
Nick is somewhat in ministry. I fell in love with him because of that rest. Others were trying so hard, it seemed. I’ve often said that I never wanted him to pursue a ministry, but be one of those men that God just raises up. And he has! Sure, he’s had to put his face to the ground many times, take a lower seat, when I KNEW he was capable of so much more. But I’d rather, oh so much rather, him be “God’s man” than a “man of God”. As long as he’s God’s man, God will be the flame that never dies. Otherwise, it will be just a matter of time for all of us Lancettes, because we are nothing, have nothing – and we know it! – apart from him.
So, those are just a couple of thoughts~
Simply put, UNGRATEFULNESS= burnout.
I have a website that I started that from that particular topic: http://www.humblewalk.org.
Many, many stories I can share. Just message me if there is something particular you’re looking for in the way of info. My website also has a resource link page to other sites with such stories and resources.
So many, many things I could say, but so little I can say right now. Speaking right now from that place of “burn out”, I will only say that being in leadership is truly one of the lonliest places on earth…….Having been not only a part of church leadership, but also in a high profile ministry for a number of yrs., as a young wife and mom, the pressures that come with the territory were too much…and in the last year, I have totally crashed, mentally ,spiritually and relationally….If I sound dismal and unspiritual, I apologize, because its coming from a place of pain right now. I am not an old woman, but a young one who feels like she has lived the old womans life.
Why does burnout happen??? I dont know, except that I think God may be using it to bring us to a greater brokeness and an abandonment of ourselves, and that in this place of pain, and darkness, and ALONESS,( becuz in the church–it aint a popular place to be)!!…we are experiencing God in ways we have never experienced him befor.
Im also finding that in the kingdom, “Id rather be a nobody then a somebody.”, because it frees me to be who God has created me to be, without the expectations others place on me or the ”boxes” that come with positions. Im also finding a deeper compassion for others in positons of minisrty or leadership, because honestly, until youve been there, its hard to understand what comes with it.
To any person who is reading this right now,who finds themself in a position of leadership, I bless you nad honor you with the incredible leading of the Holy Spirit, may he flourish you and grow you up like a mighty oak, but may you also be blessed with a DIVINE RESTING, so that you will find strength to lead those he has called you to lead!
Truthfully, my answers might be different depending on the day.
I will say off the top of my head, (I saw one person say this above) that this is such a spiritual battle going on with pastors. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy those in ministry, those in the “spotlight” who are leading so many other believers. If he can destroy, or much less discourage the pastor, then he gets an “in” with many others as well (to discourage, cause doubt, etc.) Not that pastors would want it to be that way, and Travis certainly doesn’t expect or want people to put him on a pedestal, but it just comes with the territory. And even if you aren’t put “on a pedestal” you are at the very least in a fishbowl. You would wish that your congregation would be mature enough to see you neither as the “holier than thou” nor the “fish”, but let’s face it, we have too many “baby” Christians in churches who are really affected by what happens with the leaders and their families. And on the other hand, these same baby Christians are so worried about what the pastor is doing that they aren’t doing what THEY should be doing (namely, growing as believers and sharing the gospel with others). I heard recently of a pastor in my home town “I can’t even listen to what he is saying b/c his hair is so long and it bothers me!” And of my husband it was recently said “You don’t wear a coat and tie, so no one is going to respect you.” Do we really wonder why people act the way they do towards the leaders that God has placed over them in churches?? Christians are so worried about the stupidest things, while their families, friends, and neighbors are going to hell in a handbasket (not making light of it
So all that is to say, people do care about what the pastors are doing, and if Satan can get to them, it will affect many others.
Maybe satan attacks harder b/c Travis is boldly proclaiming Christ to our congregation/community week in and week out. He wants to stop that, no doubt. The average Christian maybe isn’t sharing their faith everyday or isn’t as big of a threat??? Just a thought and something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Biblically, I think everyone goes through types of burnout in their life. In ministry, it’s just more public.
I agree though, my husband and I are totally just regular people and have the same struggles as everyone else. I guess prevention could be the same as with any job – daily prayer, relationship with the Lord, encouragement from other believers, appreciation from those you serve, vacation/time away!!! Sounds like what I need when I feel “burnout” as a mommy!! hehe
And just like any job, you can have 10 people who encourage and say positive things, but when 1 negative thing is said/done it just hits you like a ton of bricks and overshadows all of the good. We’re human! We don’t like it when people don’t like us, or disapprove!
Oh and can I just say that pastors and wives ESPECIALLY need friends. Not people who just want to be friends with the pastor or would stab you in the back, don’t really love you, etc. etc. I mean REAL friends who care and love unconditionally. When we have made true friends, ministry is so much easier, joyous.
@DawneElla -
I appreciate what you said!!!
HAPPY WEEKEND! hope y’all are having a wonderful time, making lots of family memories!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY!!!
love the action photo!!!!!!!!!!! So cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As others have said we lose sight that we’re in a battle against principalities and not against flesh and blood.
It seems that most of the previous comments attribute spiritual burnout to high or unrealistic expectations of those in ministry and/or leadership. I agree that that is a factor, but the biggest reason I’ve seen for burnout in my life and my family’s life….(as a daughter of a minister)….is just exhaustion from giving until there’s no more to give. There are so many needs to be met and my Dad is one of those who can’t ever say no when asked to do something. I think lots of pastor’s and their families just give and work so much that they don’t take time apart from it all to rest and receive some encouragement. There are times when a minister and his family needs to be ministered to.
Hey Amber,I love reading your blog. I had to respond to your most recent post because it totally rang true for me. My dad is a pastor and our family has always been in the spotlight. It is so easy to be burned out when so much energy is used to build walls to keep people out. When my parents dealt with some marriage issues, and were honest about what God was doing in their marriage, many people reacted very harshly towards them. They couldn’t handle the truth that the pastor they placed on a pedestal was not always perfect. Sadly enough, I hope that God does not have me marry a pastor. I know that he would give me grace if I married a pastor but I have experienced the painful side effects of being pastors family. God has done great things in our family through the painful times but they have certainly hurt. Anyway, I like your honesty in what God is doing in your life on your blog. Thanks!
Seasons. I am starting to believe in seasons.
This subject brings many emotions. Directly in this area I have “been challenged” in the past 2 years and seen so much different opinions that it is confusing. My husband is an elder, he is 28 years old, and we have no pastor. Many details are left unsaid but I have received a picture of leadership and the very beauty that can go with it. On the other side the abuse, control and burnout that can go along with it is HUGE. It’s often when we start valuing people according to “our agenda” and putting them on levels.
Then reputation……a entire subject of it’s own.
I can’t edit my comment, but my choice of words are not what I wanted to use exactly.
I wanted to add that desiring “good reputation” can cause burnout (a pastor shared his experience). The church is sucking LIFE out of the ministry in many churches. Who to fault? Leaders? Congregations?
Hi, Amber! I just happened upon your request on facebook for feedback, and I’ve really been enjoying your blog! Right now, the song “How Beautiful” is playing. My cousin Kim had my two sisters and me sing this song at her wedding three years ago, and it brings back wonderful memories!
I could say a lot about burnout. Like you, I was a pastor’s daughter (but in my case, it was later in his career that he became a pastor, so we went from military daughters to pastor’s daughters!). My father put everything into what he believed God called him to do, and we were certainly brought together even more strongly as a family during many trials and a few celebrations during that period of time. Like you, it made me have a special place in my heart for pastors and their families. Too much to say here and now, but I will say that if you write a book, I’m sure it will meet a need (or many needs!). Go for it, and may God bless you and guide you as you write!
Karen
ohhhhh! way too much to share on this subject. we’re there! (and that’s about all i’m going to say on this subject).
Amber,
So much great stuff has been said…. I think you may have enough for a book already!!!
After being in the ministry (as youth pastors)for five years I found myself at that horrible spot. I didn’t call it burn out. I had called it that a few years earlier when I went to my senior pastors wife and told her I couldn’t do everything anymore: youth pastoring, worship leading, in the choir, children’s church director, women’s ministry…. She told me I was just tired because it was after Christmas and everyone feel that way. And no, I couldn’t stop being in choir because it was there policy that everyone on worship had to be in choir, and they NEEDED me on the worship team… So I kept trying to plug away. But when we moved to Alaska and started a non-profit everything seemed to fall in on me. I didn’t even want to read the Bible anymore.
It came to me one day that the way I was feeling was this: When I first came to the Lord with my whole heart I felt like His daughter: cherished, loved and cared for. I felt He met my needs. I was so full of joy. I walked into ministry with a bit of trepidition because of watching families in the ministry falling apart. But God spoke to my fears with His word and we moved forward. However, now, I no longer felt like a daughter. I remember saying to God one day, “I use to feel like your daughter and I told you I would obey you in everything and follow wherever you took me. But now I don’t feel like a daughter. I feel like a slave. And you meet people’s needs through me, but you never meet my needs. I will still obey you and follow you everywhere, but I’ve moved from the status of daughter to slave.”
It would take a few more years before God opened my eyes to see what had really happened. And when He did I was amazed. It seemed so simple! As we were running this non-profit ministering to families we brought a team of interns along with us. We went from city to city and kept a non-stop schedule. People started falling apart. So we decided they had to know each week they had one day off, that they could plan on it. We called it The Sabbath and we started taking it, and suddenly everyone was invigorated again. They were refueled, recharged and happy. This began our great investigation into the Sabbath. It took us about two years to figure it out.
We did a lot of study on the Sabbath. At first when we started keeping my husband and I would fight with each other. We knew we needed to STOP, but we didn’t know how. We just couldn’t. So we would keep telling eachother, “You shouldn’t do that.” He would say, “Why are you doing the dishes?” And I would suddenly have these overwhelming desires to take on a big job, like wash my walls…. I just couldn’t stop and look at the dirt all day.
But over time we learned how to make it work. I could write and write on this, but I need to leave right now. Let me just say this, I feel like a daughter again!!! When we finally figure out how to live with a Sabbath, I would sit there and not be able to stop the tears running down my face. I felt so cherished! God was taking care of me! He was saying, “All these people you are caring for, they are My job. I am caring for them.” And we would put them in His hands. And we would rest in Him. And remember that it was He who was making us holy. Not us. And He was in charge, and not us. And we took naps, and we reconnected. And we played games. And we turned our phones off, and tried to unplug from all technology. The Sabbath is our son’s favorite day. It means the world to him. And it means the world to us. “The Sabbath shall be a sign between me and you forever that it is I, the Lord, who sanctifies you.” Exodus 31:13
I could go on and on, but I’ve gotta go. Let me know if you want more!
-Kitri
I really loved the comment by Kristine Lancette. I think a lot of folks (those in leadership positions included) forget that God has no grandchildren. No one’s salvation rests on “our” shoulders. We are to each work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. If the real live Jesus is who we are in touch with, then we will learn to know His voice and follow Him. Like the servants at the wedding in Cana, “Whatever He says to you, that do.” No more, no less. We most often see ourselves as too imprtant and so carry a burden we are not meant to carry. There’s only one GOOD SHEPHERD and only the Holy Spirit can convict in a life-giving/changing way.
Hopefully it’s when they realize that everything they believe to be “the truth” and hate others for not agreeing with is a hate filled Catholic rewrite that erased the actual truth.
@Richgem -
No, I haven’t read “The Naked Gospel.” From a brief glance on Amazon, it looks intriguing. Why do you recommend it?
… Continued from the last post…
In the first post, I mentioned helps to prevent burnout. These were things that I’ve done, internally and externally, to prevent burnout. From these I can infer many things that accelerate burnout: a congregation of hypocrites, lack of Scripture/prayer in the soul life of the minister, training disciples buy not disciplemakers, treating the ministry like its “your” work instead of God’s (like the above comment, God has no grandchildren… but plenty of pastors make it look like He does!). Besides these things, there were a few others I wanted to mention.
1. Having a “pastor’s wife” but not a wife.
Mark Dever tells a story about when he came to Capitol Hill Baptist back in the early 90s. During the interview process, he was asked what role his wife would fulfill in the congregation. Mark replied “she’ll fulfill the role of being my wife.” That quip has mountains of application for American pastors. If you look at the early colonial era, and read biographies of pastors who lived and died prior to and after American independence, there is a noteable difference between their families and the families of many pastors today: the wives were wives, not women’s pastors.
Does this mean that pastor’s wives will never minister in a given congregation? Of course not. But it does mean that their greatest ministry to the congregation will be to their own families. Just look at 1 Tim 3. Every single one of the qualities of a pastor/elder can be directly hindered or strengthened by that man’s wife. And when the woman wants Christ more than she wants her husband, there’s a great foundation laid for long-lasting ministry that won’t burn anyone out. A man has obligations in this as well, let’s be clear. In fact, this could probably be retitled… being a “husband” who isn’t really a husband to his family! Ministry begins at home.
2. Being seen as the spiritual paragon, and not as another sinner in need of grace.
This is seen in many above posts. When the pastor is seen as the shepherd and not the under-shepherd, the congregation will have expectations dashed. But if the pastor is another one of the sheep, in addition to being the under-shepherd, then the Body of Christ will do what its supposed to do in his life and in the life of his family… give them grace.
I realize that many times the congregation has expectations of a pastor that are unrealistic, spiritually or physically speaking. But plenty of pastors contribute to this, essentially by their own pride. I know. I’ve been there. When I’m more willing to preserve my image, thinking “all I need is Christ”, than to let Christ ministry to me through His body… well, at that point, I’ll be ready for burnout. We’ve been placed in the body because its the Body of Christ… this is one of the many ways that He ministers to us! Through the Body of Christ!
A rant(ish): in any future church my plan is, Lord-willing, to preach, teach, confess, and counsel in such a way that the congregation will embrace myself and my family as sinners in need of grace, or will through us out in the first 12 months. This isn’t a game we’re playing… lives hang in the balance! 1 Timothy 4:15-16
3. Not having men to cling to and stand with you in the fight.
This is somewhat derived from the last post, but let me illustrate this from my own life.
Starting at age 19, I began to consciously disciple other young men at my church. Continuing for three years, the results of this were: 2 men remained nominal Christians, 2 men rejected the faith outright, and one man told me that I “never cared about anyone.” Which is very possibly true. There was, and is, plenty of pride in my heart that might enshrine any one of these young men as “spiritual trophies.” Although I really did care for those guys, I know that my sinful heart would want to take anything and make it a prize for my own self-righteousness. So, as they fell by the wayside and our relationships ended in neutral or sour notes. I still keep in contact with some of them.
Fast forward five years. Now, I have multiple guys who are discipling me as I disciple them (iron/iron). There are several men who literally will be able to walk into a room, put their finger in my face, and tell me that I’ve sinned and am in need of repentance. This is ENOURMOUSLY precious to me. A treasure beyond price. Completely without equal. So much so that some of the guys and I have talked about planting churches together after my seminary work is done. And not in the half-hearted “we might do this someday.” But actually looking at maps, making plans, creating a Facebook networking group, hedging ourselves in so that it might happen.
I’ve seen pastors who are surrounded by yes men. They might last longer than they would if they were alone, but its a facade. We all need to get people in our lives who can faithfully wound us! Who can call a spade a spade and name our sin. But it requires that we let them get that close.
***
There’s tons more I could write. You know, Amber. But these are what stands out to me off the cuff.
The one giving needs to be renewed. For me its when I start to look at ministry as my job instead of my calling. I get my eyes off my first love. (Luke 10:38-42) has been my help in starting this Church.
@Aleassa - Good reply! I agree.
Great comments to your post Amber…what great wisdom and insight your friends have. I could read more and more and more about this. Not sure if I have 2 wise cents to put into this.
I loved the commment about a simple church. I’d love to go back to a church service where we all worship and serve together, like a family, helping to meet each others needs without all the formality of making the service run like a concert production.
I’ve experienced burnout and I’m currently going through the healing process. It’s sad that people expect so much from ministry families. Not a lot to add, lots has been said. It’s just been a hard long road. Dh told me the other day he’s ready to pastor again, he thinks. Not sure I am.
A couple of pertinent links in my Google Reader this AM:
From Brian Croft
From Thabiti Anyabwile