June 28, 2010
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{Note to Self}
Last night I was going through old photos of the kids, trying to get them organized and put into albums without much success….
It’s always a long process because I find myself stopping to study each picture – getting lost for a time just looking into those tiny faces that aren’t so tiny anymore.
Reminded me of what this beautiful mom wrote~
“dear me in 20years,
I know that you are looking back with tears lighting the corners of your eyes at the days when the babies were babies. I know that you are waxing sentimental about cuddly lovies and warm, nighttime milk. I know. But there are a few things I don’t want you to forget. For the sake of the future generation.
Don’t ever forget what life was like with three little ones in preschool. I know your tendency to remember only the pink fuzzy sweet, but also I want to remind you of the fighting and the reasons why the laundry didn’t get done. Because every time you entered the laundry room, someone fell and needed you. Or the twins started to fight. Or someone had to teetee.
Speaking of teetee, when a young mom tells you that she doesn’t hardly have time to use the bathroom, believe her. And when you see her at the grocery store or at Target and you notice her balancing three kids, 2 gallons of milk and a life’s supply of diapers, go to her and smile at her and tell her you think she’s doing a good job. And when she starts to cry, tell her that even though you miss those days, you also remember how hard they were. And send many blessings her way.
And for those young moms who you know in your church? Or for your girls who have babies of their own now? Don’t wait for them to call you and ask for your help. Call her and offer to come Thursday between 2 and 4. And bring her coffee.
Love,
Your Younger Less Showered Self
Though my kids are already past the diapers and needing-help-to-tee-tee stage. It has helped me to remember how quickly these days pass. . . and maybe to offer encouragement to those who are still in the midst of them.
Because even though it’s true that the years are short, sometimes it’s nice for someone to acknowledge those long days the years are made of.”
{more wonderful encouragement found here}
{and around 3 yrs here}
¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber.
Comments (40)
I love your last sentence – “…even though it’s true that the years are short, sometimes it’s nice for someone to acknowledge those long days the years are made of.” I do mostly remember the pink fuzzy sweet, but I also remember having 3 kiddoes under 3 while my sweet hubby was trying to make a go of owning his own business – he worked ALOT!! I also remember being very tired all the time! My kiddoes didn’t fight until they reached puberty – true story! I had neighbors who asked me how they got along so well! But they definitely whined, or broke arms, or had bathroom accidents, or whatever that kept me from any semblence of single mindedness!
That being said, if I didn’t have to give up a precious daughter-in-law, son-in-law, and two grandchildren so far, I’d go back in a New York minute! ; )
Loved your babies’ pics – they were (and still are) beautiful!
awwww….looking back at pics is so bittersweet…..we move from one stage to the next not even realizing sometimes until we’re reminded once again. Your babies are precious~
I am lovin that you look younger in your older picture than in your younger picture. I am really hoping that happens for me as well. Such dolls you have! And these are precious days aren’t they, but yes, long………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
What a pretty mama you’ve always been. (I was talking about your heart, silly girl!)
Can’t wait to see your photos with baby #4.
love this. it’s sooo true! the part about not waiting for a young mom to call, the part about telling the mom that she’s doing a good job, and not just reminiscing about how fast the time goes and how much you miss that stage…that’s what we need to hear more of. just because my ‘big’ may be your ‘little’ or your ‘big’ may be my ‘little’ does not make either any less significant.
thinkin’ of you, and sayin’ a prayer for you this day…
love ya~
Rachel
I have thought that so many times- that I pray that I remember how hard it is and be there to help my daughters/ daughters-in-law when they have a new baby or are just living the day-to-day with little ones. I look back to when I had just my oldest girls and think “how on earth did I get a shower” or “how did I manage getting my groceries in the car while juggling a baby and toddler with no one to hold onto them??? It’s so much easier having a baby now that I have so many hands to help! Yes, my house is louder, messier, and there LOTS more laundry to do and food to fix, but I also have much more help!
Isn’t it amazing how much kids look alike at the same age?! Beautiful pictures!
So true!! Rich and I have gone through the crazy toddler years and are now going BACK into them. we went to costco this weekend w/Sarah and Seth. The drive there was crazy (Seth was so loud! LOL) and the shopping experience was also crazy (can’t think when Sarah is starting to fuss and Seth is trying to get out of the cart! LOL).
I haven’t been able to blog in almost a week because it’s SO BUSY and CRAZY here. If Sarah doesn’t need me, Seth does. And often they both need me at the same time..and then of course we have Jacob, Ethan, Grace, David, and Caleb who all need mama, too.
LOVE IT ALL THOUGH!!
I loved this! Thank you for posting. I hear all the time from strangers about how I should just enjoy it when I’m frazzled. Who enjoys being frazzled?? lol My mother in law tells me true though, she says, “those years are such a blur of cooking, cleaning, and breaking up fights!” so I appreciate her honesty!
So what I needed to hear! I’m going to message you.
I really,really loved this! Things I want to remember too! It is so discouraging when older women act like they just don’t understand why we do what we do! I have wondered and asked my husband if they just don’t remember how it actually was maybe!? I had an old lady talk to my kids while I was in the store one time and she finally looked at me and said “what are you doing to them? They are just so healthy looking and happy!!’ It just encouraged me and I told my hubby that I wish more people were like that. It just gives you a boost!
Great thoughts for young moms. Such different challenges when they are older. We need encouragement all along the way.
I keep reminding myself that these crazy stages in life will quickly go. Amazing how the warm fuzzy parts shine through. I agree with you…the days are long, but the years are short.
I liked this post. I only started to follow your post as your children were older…it was neat to see the “baby” pixs.
this is an excellent post.
a gentle challenge to compassionately encourage the other guy…errr…mom, right where she’s at…
instead of letting our selective memories measure, compare and communicate the “easy-peezy” of the other person’s place in their journey.
I remember when I was out and about with the first 3 little ones, all in a row, sooooo many people would say “Awwwwww, just enjoy it. It’s the BEST time of your life.”
And I would be overcome with guilt, wondering what was wrong with ME!
Like a great friend’s sister told me…”What? The BEST time of my life??? You have got to be kidding me. THIS is as Good as it gets???”
Really now. I couldn’t even focus on the person speaking because I was so doggone tired…just that morning the toddler had pooped on the floor, the other kid walked in it, all while I was trying to feed the sick baby ~ oh the fear that comes with trying to keep an ill infant hydrated ~ aaaaand wondering how in the world I would make it to nap time…
knowing that the Second Shift coming on later was…ME!
And then the Third Shift would be …ME!
There was MUCH to love about those years…and the little kids in them!!!
But you said it all so well here.
There are sure some LONG days (and nights) in those short years!!!
I really enjoyed seeing your kids and YOU
from a few years back! So very cute!
Yes yes yes!!!! I wish someone had been that kind to me back in those days, when I had 3 kids so close in age and one a little older – it was pretty hectic and although I DO miss those days, I certainly am happy where we’re at right now!
Awww, they are so beautiful. I totally agree. Those days are so sweet and missed, though not the crazy sleep deprivation and tears. When we have had a couple friends having problems with sleep due to illness and pain, the mommies are the ones that have such great compassion to pray because they understand!!
You will be blessed with the extra arms to hold this time around. You will be able to get a shower,wash some clothes,and make some dinner with your older ones helping. You will notice the difference in yourself, you are experienced….it helps You are certainly not old, but I noticed the difference in the way I felt with my baby in my 30′s over the ones I had in my 20′s. So I had him next to me and pulled him into bed to nurse rather than sit up in a rocking chair in the middle of the night. You get it…just saying if you need to make adjustments do.
I do love how pictures seem to show all the good and leave out so many struggles. Not that the struggles were not something good too, they just do not seem so bad afterward. Such good words to encourage the mommies out there.
Still in ‘those days’ – cleaning up poop every other day. Yet, going through many changes w/ others. Sometimes hangin’ in the balance between the two isn’t easy. But what is? It’s all good. I remember many difficult days (and days now too) where all I got were glances of detest or misunderstanding – so few have every reached out or helped. But that’s when I can’t thank God enough for two people in my life that have always done little things to let me know (and sometimes huge things) I wasn’t alone: my mom, and my older sister.
have been organizing old pics this summer too – only three years behind
have a good one! !
You are a beautiful voice for mothers everywhere!
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. My boys would fight like no others!! (Or at least that is how I felt, lol) They are 2 yrs apart, I would even have a hard time finding a sitter that would keep them both at the same time! Even my mom would only keep them one at a time cause she couldn’t handle their fighting. I would even be happy (shame on me) if I went out someplace like grocery store, ect.. to see other kids misbehaving saying to myself, thank goodness someone elses kids are as bad as mine, lol. Praise the lord they are now 15 and 17 and get along SO WELL and are so respectful to others. Don’t know if I could ever do that again, but god brought me through.
@pettybunch -
that’s not “my” sentence.. it was written by another sweet mom i love reading. i couldn’t get the link thing to work last night when i posted. xanga has been giving me fits lately… but got it fixed this afternoon. want to make sure the credit goes where it’s due.
thanks for your sweet comments. always enjoy hearing from you.
As I read this, it was another reminder that s-l-o-w-l-y I’m becoming the older mom. Our youngest goes off to kindergarten this year, and though I’m working away part time, I realize that the time has come where I can offer an encouraging hand to the younger moms around me.
How the world did I get here….already?!?!
It was just yesterday that I was the one bringing home babies, and learning about breast feeding and worrying about how to potty train and thinking they’d never learn to buckle themselves in the car! But I’m, here and loving that I can now remind the younger moms that it’s okay if their little ones aren’t the first ones potty trained, or if they’re still using their nuks waaaay past the time of someone else’s little person, or that someday they outgrow half of the things we think we have to break them of.
I’m thankful for the precious oppurtunity of motherhood, but even more thankful for God’s redemption in the midst of my bumbling along as I lose my patience time and time again.
Oh, my, this post made me cry. I’m not in the most desperate stage right now. Liam just turned 2. But in the last three months he and Adam have started fighting every single day over everything it seems. And I am grappling with this strange thing of knowing I really want to have another child and being so afraid of going through another pregnancy that I lie awake at night wondering if I will ever be brave enough to do it. What a well-written letter by a courageous mom. She is so right. So many times it would help so much just to have someone say, “You’re doing a great job.”
You made me cry too. I am in the thick of it with my little girls right now and some days it feels just plain tough. I want to remember these wise encouraging words for other moms someday!
Yes, I have thought of this often myself. How I WILL NOT forget how stressful these days were sometimes, great as they may be in other ways. I probably should LITERALLY write this note to myself and keep it for later, cuz I bet it is so easy to remember the good and forget the bad. Very well written, Amber.
Beautiful babies! Yes I always get distracted enjoying instead of organizing when it comes to being surrounded by memories of my life’s experiences!
I have enjoyed seeing your children at 2 and 3…and pics of you also. You are an inspiration. My husband has always complimented or made a positive comment to young parents. I have seen the pleased expressions or more confident postures after he has spoken to a young parent. I have tried to do the same. It is not easy being a parent especially when the children are small. I had one in my womb, one in my arms and one holding my hand. Lot’s of laughs, tears and hugs and we made it through!
I’ve often thought that I want to write letters to Emma right now and put them away. There are so many things that I think about and want for her right now that I might not remember in 25 years when she is my age. I should get to it.
@jbreedwell - It’s always so refreshing to hear the positive twist of events from moms a little further down the road!
@down_onthefarm -
@appalolly -
hey you two.. since you both made remarks about me “saying this well” just wanting to clarify it wasn’t me!
it was Emily, a precious mom, friend, person, over at Chatting At The Sky. click on the link button above and check out her site~ i’m sure you’ll fall in love!
thank you. a hundred times. i love both the perspective from further down the road and the recognition of the challenges in the early seasons! much, much appreciated.
I LOVED this post. It was so sweet, and so true. I feel like we’ve entered into a different sort of stage, we are out of the toddler baby years, no more diapers and buckling carseats….I don’t know how it passed so quickly! =( But I try to enjoy every second of where we are now.
Life is getting easier now that my youngest is almost 2…but there’s to be another one in Feb, so back to the infant stage again.
My sister and I sat up talking one night talking about motherhood and how to better prepare our daughters. (It was our “therapy”) We came to the conclusion, that it’s just a rite of passage, and it’s something you have to experience and figure out what works for you. The early years of motherhood–esp. if you have a few close together–is definitely “mommy boot camp”! I do not want to forget the challenges of being a new mom w/ lots of little ones who are completely dependent, for my daughters’ sake and the other young moms around me. It’s discouraging when you are told, “Just wait, you’re in the easy stage right now” I’m sure there are challenges as children grow up and you eventually have to trust the Lord for them, but the physical and emotional demands of a young mom are very real when you’re in the midst of that stage. I don’t want to forget it! Honestly, I had no clue how hard motherhood was/is! I want to be available to help the moms in that stage…it’s amazing how much can get done in 1 hr w/out interruptions! And I won’t tell them to call me when they need a nap or some help–if they’re like me, they won’t call. I suppose I’ve learned to manage and I don’t want to be a wimp–so asking for help is different than someone saying, “I’m coming over for 2 hrs, we’ll get some stuff done!” Yes, very good post, I enjoyed it!
You were in a brand-new area, far away from all family and friends, when you had your first two, weren’t you? For me, the hardest part of entering motherhood has been having ZERO help, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE (not even my husband, most of the time, since he is so often sick) to fall back on. And in the early years of marriage, especially with huge medical bills, who can afford to hire help??! Between Terry’s health issues and my difficult pregnancies, etc., it has taken a very long time to establish connections, but in the last few months I have started to feel like that is falling into place. It helps SO much to know that when the next baby comes, I do have a few people I feel I can call in an emergency.
I hope I have grown in my reliance on the Lord during these difficult times, and I hope those memories will be vivid enough in my later years so that I can be mindful of how to reach out to young mothers who cross my path. I am sure each season of life has its own unique, difficult challenges, but there is something about a sustained period of months and months when your most fundamental needs (enough sleep, time to eat, etc.) go unmet. This post was very affirming and encouraging!
@sunshinejoy717 -
aw. you’re in a super tough stage right now w/ a toddler and newborn… i REMEMBER those days.
thinkin of ya
@goffandfamily -
“mommy boot camp” is a good way to put it~ and yes, being a mom is such a paradox of wonderful and awful all at that same time!!!
@angiearmour -
with my first, and then most of my entire second pregnancy i was 800 hundred miles from family… we moved down here just 2 wks before ben was born! but even then, living here closer to family – those were such crazy days. lonely days. and seemingly endless.
my mom’s health kept her from being able to help alot like she wanted, so even though we were close. yeah, it still felt pretty “alone.”
i think i get the alone feeling even more now though – - like ‘I’M IT!’ the morning shift. afternoon shift. and nighttime shift too.
with Shayne being gone i’ve felt it more than ever~ and even though the kids are older the needs are different. and in many ways – i long for his help and just PRESENCE around even more than when the kids were little. i think parenting becomes way less physical as the kids grow.. but emotionally, spiritually it seems so much more draining.. which alot of days leaves me with… “bring back the diapers! i’d rather just change a obvious mess than feel like i now merely ‘smell’ one but can’t always get at the source or heart issue w/ my kids…”
i lean so heavily on HIS GRACE~!!
and you’re right.. your heart someday for other young moms will be that much more sensitive because you KNOW!
what a sweet.precious heart you already have.
I am having sooooooo much trouble with these STUPID…errr…WHOOPID comment boxes.
@Hutch5 – hey right back!
I saw quotation marks… and then that you got your links to work! So glad that you shared words from your heart…and Emily’s… and introduced me to Chatting At The Sky!
also, what you wrote in the above comment, “i’d rather just change a obvious mess than feel like i now merely ‘smell’ one but can’t always get at the source or heart issue w/ my kids…” communicates in a single sentence what is so h.a.r.d. about the here and now for me. I so get that.
and btw, I don’t remember any blabbing…unless it was me. snicker. But you can call it that if ya want.
loved it. thought of one hundred other things to say later.
Aaaaand…howabout billybobteeth…and flip flops with socks?
@Hutch5 -
I think I understand a little of what you mean about the different challenges of having older ones. I have watched my mom walk through that, too (she still has three teenagers and an 11-year-old boy at home), and the nature of dealing with older ones is “constant” in its own way. Also, I can’t imagine what it is like to have my husband gone, regularly, for long periods of time (we are on the opposite end of the spectrum, confined to home most of the time because T is sick!), but it must be VERY HARD. Even when Terry is sick, HIS VERY PRESENCE, as you mentioned, has a calming and disciplining effect on Lee. He is more content and obedient when his dad is just AROUND, and that in itself provides tremendous emotional relief for me, even when I am the one doing all the feeding, bathing, changing, cleaning, etc. There is a military wife in our church with three children, three and under, and her husband has been deployed twice in the last year, for several months each time. 8 – 10 hours of separation each day is more than enough for me, so I can’t even imagine what it would be like for my husband to be gone for weeks and months at a time! For you, being pregnant must make it especially difficult! Praying for you, and sending an air hug: (((HUG)))
LoveloveLOVE that site you linked to. Her last post about the book and the “ducks” is just wonderfully written. Thanks for the rec!