{Picture Post & Fun Giveaway}

         

headed out for opening night :

   

   

a side shot of the stage where you can see the different curtains and all the controls and such in the background :

  

some of the sweetest kids :

  

pretty crazy too :

 

 

my hat started falling apart in this scene..
i could see it coming further down in front of my eyes.
that’s what i’m actually saying here to this girl,

“oh dear! my hat fluff is coming undone – pretty soon it’s going to be a veil!!?”

she was trying not to laugh. me too! :

kate dancing the polka with her little partner – they were adorable! :

i’m supposed to be agitated with my kids who are pulling on my arms wanting me to go while i’m trying to talk : 

 

 
 
 

smiling while i watch my kids take their bow :

 
 

  

 

headed out for closing night show :
 

thanks to all our family and friends who came to watch :

a xanga friend i’d never met before drove 4 hours to come to the matinee on sat. : 

 

i loVed it!! when emma got to come to the last show.. she was so excited! she knew all the songs by heart. i could see her face in the 3rd row all lit up as she watched.. it made me get teary eyed.  :

= = ~ = = ~ = =

I don’t think I really realized when I signed up for this how much time it would involve…

Added on top of that the amount of grease injected fries I’ve eaten, hours spent driving, being pulled over twice.. due to all the hours driving, and usually running late! (as is typical of me) Not to mention trips to the ER and losing our sweet little one…

But it’s amazing how God works! How He uses some of the most unexpected things at times to be the hugest blessings of all. He knew I needed this ~ this distraction, if you will. When I could have found myself sitting at home having a pity party, instead I was dancing. and singing. and laughing!

Aren’t you glad God has given us things like that to enJOY!

I often thought of the verse, “Though hast put gladness in my heart. With my lips will I praise you…”

Even in times when I didn’t particularly “feel” happy…  I felt the contented peace that I was where He wanted me to be. Doing what He wanted me to do. And His joy became my strength, my inner gladness, and a testimony of praise!

Most of all, what I take away from this experience is the precious, precious blessings of my Kate and Ben!! We had such a great time learning the songs and dances together. Busting up laughing at each other, crying when emotions were thin, and bodies exhausted. Asking forgiveness for short tempers, and praying for the fruit of the spirit to sprout out and be obvious to those around us.

How often they ministered to my heart… mostly, not even knowing they were.

I’ve often hesitated to talk alot about wanting more children.. or even felt hesitant to share about our miscarriage. I know people mean well, but all too often I’ve heard, “well, just be grateful for the ones you have!!” I guess somehow that always bothers me – implying I’m not grateful for what God has given. Oh, trust me.. I know there are days I don’t act like I am. But bottom line – most every day there isn’t some time. some point, where I don’t stop and simply find myself watching one of them, if not all three… marveling they are mine. feeling humbled with the entrustment of these impressionable lives. and inspired by their sweet hearts and incredible spirits!

So if you were to ask me what I liked most about being in the musical, Hello Dolly! I would have to say… getting to know my kids better. Falling in love with them even more. And finding myself (once again) so grateful they are mine! 

= = ~ = = ~ = =

I thought it would be fun to do a little giveaway with this post… I’ve participated in them on other sites and though I’ve never won it’s always kinda exciting to hope maybe you will!!

Here are the prizes ::

 

That way you can get a bath… and then, all comfy and smelling nice… sit back and enjoy a great show!  

Anyone is welcome to enter – On Thursday (or Friday) I’ll have my kids randomly pick a number and whichever comment it matches that’ll be the winner! Good luck~

= = ~ = = ~ = =

I want to add too a special thank you to all of you who have sent cards and gifts and sweet personal messages over the last few weeks – you know who you are! I feel terrible I’ve not personally answered you yet~ I will. But wanted you to know how incredibly your thoughtfulness has touched me – -

PSA 63:7  Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.

PSA 33:21  For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his name.

PSA 30:11  Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing... and girded me with gladness.

PSA 5:11  But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy... 
let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.

PSA 16:9  Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.



The "glad verses" God gave me over the past month... 



We do have so much to be gLaD about!




amber.

{Opening Night~ Among Other Things}

Ever ridden on one of those electric walkways at the airport?

In a google search to find out what they were actually called, this report struck me funny… 

“Travelators, which were introduced to airports, shopping malls and train stations in the 1970s, have come under fire recently for causing a wave of injuries. Designed specifically to improve the flow of passengers, they often catch out tired and elderly travelers who find it difficult to maintain balance coming off and on the moving pathway.They can also disorientate drunken passengers and those loaded down with luggage.There is also a problem with people wearing bifocal glasses as when they look down everything is out of focus. They cannot see their feet and trip over them…”

So take note, and remember to never ride them if you’re old. drunk. wearing glasses. or carrying much luggage!

= = ~ = = ~ = =

Sometimes life is like that though…
you feel a bit stuck on the human conveyor belt!
There’s no getting off even if you wanted to.

That’s how this past month has been.

Full of all kinds of craziness!

there’s been alot of tears – and sometimes for no other reason than a good cry was needed.
alot of laughter too, more than tears, thankfully – and sometimes for no other reason than a good laugh was needed!

(playing trampoline basketball.. his legs kinda fade into the sky – I’m not great at action shots.. but I love his expression!)

   

 
And I’m not necessarily talking about major stuff here…

it seems the small mundane dailyness of life can pile up and crash in on us unexpectedly at times.

Laundry never ending.
Dishes always to wash.
Beds to be made.
Floors to be swept.
Hair to be brushed (usually not mine)
Practices to get to on time!!
Practices every night of the week!!
Huge amounts of time invested.
Character to work on. (usually mine)
Squabbles to settle.
School to try to think about….

      

But among the craziness big and small, there is one theme that presides… 

that feeling of being enveloped and drawn in by His grace. 

Being drawn by no effort of my own!

Not based upon whether or not I read my Bible that morning.
Whether I talked in calm, sweet tones to my children all day long.
Or responded in Christ like attitudes to whatever came my way.

No.

Grace poured down and given freely!

Simply because God loves me. 

He takes pity on me.

and knows how much I need Him~ even when I don’t.

Ya know, I’ve never considered myself a hardcore Calvinist, with the whole irresistible grace stuff and all…   – {I actually bulk at all the labeling}

It’s actually a bit of a sore spot with me… Shayne and I argued so strongly about it when were dating that we broke our relationship off. And if you knew me you’d find that point particularly humorous – first off, me in a theological debate! Second, that I’d end a friendship over it!! But hey, good thing for that grace – and that it changes people!

But whatever you want to call it, this I know~

When I’m overwhelmed, discouraged, burdened, burnt out, and just plain downright tired… there are times in life, where UNEXPLAINABLY, and without a doubt, I feel the hand of God come down and simply scoop me into His arms…  not only helping me through. but carrying me through. 

Those moments of need where He meets you.

wherever you are.
right where you are.

= = ~ = = ~ = =

A few mornings ago I was laying in bed watching as the sun began to crack through the blinds… I suddenly felt such a wave of hopelessness and negative thoughts come sweeping over me. Questioning God and His love.

I heard the soft footsteps of Emma enter the room…. walking over and climbing up next to me in bed, as she often does.

Without a word she took my face in both her little hands and pulled it close to hers. Our noses almost touching. Then her face broke out in the brightest biggest smile, and with emphasis on each word, said in the sweetest voice …

“I. love. you.”

Yeah, moments where God meets us.

Grace unexplainable. irresistible. limitless.     

(In 2 Cor. 12: 9 the word sufficient means enough…)
 

“And He said unto me, My grace is ENOUGH for you.”

I like the sound of that!

  

“It’s like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It’s like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
Its like the world is silent though I know it isn’t true
Its like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room

So take this heart of mine there’s no doubt
I’m in better hands now… ”

.Natalie Grant, In Better Hands Now

 = = ~ = = ~ = =

There’s a nervous excitement round the house today…

with a bit of tired crankiness too!

Been a long week of rehearsal’s for our Dolly! show.

    

Tonight is opening night!! woo hoo~

Pray I don’t trip on my eternally long skirt… or more accurately, my FEET!! : o

(hmmm… what was that I was just saying about grace?)  *smile*

amber.

{Heaven: Catching Up with Our Heart}

I’ve been thinking alot about it lately.

Heaven.

 
I’ll admit it’s something I’ve not always felt overly excited about…

Often wondering things like~

Will I live in a mansion all alone…
I don’t want to live in a mansion all alone…
Will my husband know I’m his wife….
I don’t want to be just another ‘sister in the Lord’ to him…
Will the two babies I’ve lost know who I am…
Will I have to look for Shayne and the kids…
Can we be together…. all the time…
I get lonely just thinking about not being able to be a family like we are now…

Weird. I know. Yet, those are usually the questions circling my thoughts when I think of what is to come.

The last few days though, I’ve felt a new perspective coming in.
Perhaps… ever so slightly.
But still slight enough to “see” it differently.
A feeling that the human layer I’ve viewed Eternity through is peeling away…
And in it’s place a new soberness, seriousness, and realness of what it’s truly about.

Certainly not me!

Funny… when I think of how that one concept, apart from all others, pivots every aspect of my life.
The realization so liberating, the conclusion so simple…

But, do I get it….

Do I really get it?

Heaven.
Eternity.
Life.
Everything…

It’s not about me – it’s HIM!

Most of the time – based upon my actions, my attitudes, my responses….

No. I don’t really think I do.

But I want it to.

I want that truth to so completely saturate every part of my heart. My way of thinking. Who I am.

It’s the only way to live free of bitterness. doubt. confusion. misery. and self pity.

To do more than merely spew out words, but live a life that takes those words beyond being only that!

and in so doing, proving…

I am not defined by my circumstances~ I am defined by the Cross of Jesus Christ.

When I camp out in the shadow of what He has done – here I learn what a life surrendered looks like. Coming to know what dying to self, glorifying the Father, saying, “not my will but Yours,” is truly all about.

= = =

“Someone once said that Christ brings the heart to heaven first – and then He brings the person.”

(I like that.)

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also…. “

“I’m convinced this little verse in Matthew 6 holds the secret. The only way we can enjoy the thought of heaven, the only way we can start thinking of it as reality, is to allow God to take our heart home first.

This happens when we invest in what is eternal. When our focus shifts from us to Him…

The more we make deposits in eternity, we’re putting more and more of ourselves on the other side. Our future Home won’t seem like an eerie twilight zone. It won’t fill our thoughts with saccharine visions of bluebirds, chubby angels, and rainbows. No, it will take shape in our minds as the Real Estate it actually is, the place God dwells, and prepares for our coming.

The golden streets, pearly gates, and crystal rivers aren’t nearly as important…. What is important is that we will see our King and live with Him forever. In that shining moment we will finally catch up with our hearts – our hearts desire.

God Himself.

And that will be enough.”  ~Glorious Intruder; God’s Presence in Life’s Chaos, by Joni Eareckson Tada

 = = =

“But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.” 2Pet.3:13

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away… And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old things have passed away.” Rev.21:1-3

This is a song I’ve linked before…but I love the message of the words and have found myself singing the chorus over and over around here lately.

No More Night

= = =

I can’t express enough how touching all your comments, messages, and emails were. The words of Scripture, encouragement, comfort, and even the simple word [hugs] all ministered God’s love to my heart and helped draw my eyes upward and inward towards Him~ thank you so much.

 

amber.

{baby}

Many of you know we’ve been praying for another little one for several years now…
thanks so much to those of you who have faithfully joined with us in that request.

God does answer prayer…

and He did.

Only choosing that we’d never know our sweet baby here on earth.

It’s been an emotional week of feeling the Lord pry my fingers loose from life as I want it to be. Life as I think it should be.

Relearning once again, all over again, and in a very real way what it means to lift yielded. open. empty hands, hearts and yes…. even wombs, before Him in trust.

Regardless trust.

I don’t claim to always understand His ways. But I believe His ways are best.
Filtering everything that touches my life through His great, unfathomable love.

Let me write that again…. just for myself. 

Filtering e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. that touches my life through His great, unfathomable love.

 = = =

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still whatever He does,
and follow where He guideth.
He is my God, though dark my road,
He holds me and I cannot fall;

To Him I leave it all.

Whatever my God ordains is right,
He never will deceive me.
He leads me on His perfect path,
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent:
His hand can turn my grief away,
And patiently for Him I wait;

To Him I leave it all.

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Though now this cup in drinking,
may bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it yet unshrinking.
My God is true, each morn anew,
Sweet comfort still will fill my heart,
and pain and sorrow shall depart;

To Him I leave it all.

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken.
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
I know I’m not forsaken.
My Father’s love does all surround,
He holds me and I cannot fall;

To Him I leave it all.

= = =

“I am He that created you and formed you. I have redeemed you and called you by my name. You are mine… (so) When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you…. For I am the Lord your God… you are precious in my sight and I have loved you…..” Isaiah 43: 1-4

amber.

{Finding Neverland}

 

Almost immediately after I wrote the last post~ seriously… I started into a round of coughing and couldn’t get it to stop. I paced around the living room by myself downstairs for awhile, but when I started feeling the shortness of breath become almost suffocating I went upstairs to Shayne. He could tell I was struggling and jumped out of bed to pace with me and talk me through it and rub my back…

When no relief came after quite some time Shayne said abruptly,

“We’re going to the hospital…”

You would have thought that statement right then and there would have shocked me enough into stopping~

You’d have to know my husband to fully understand…
super laid back.
never gets riled up about anything.
extremely tight... I mean careful with money.

 

We don’t have insurance, like alot of self employed people, so I figured a trip to the ER wouldn’t be like a trip to the dollar store – and I figured my Shayne had already figured this long before me.

Also, the fact that when he slashed his own leg open several years back on a metal fence post at a job site, he was determined he didn’t have to go to the hospital.. that the 6 inch cut would somehow heal itself.

So, having him suggest we go in was a first in our marriage.

We waited until my brother, Nate, came to stay with the kids who were fast asleep, then headed out…

As we made the short trek to the hospital I would have smiled if I could have stopped coughing – but since I was, I simply put my hand over on Shayne’s arm and he knew what I meant … “SLOW DOWN!!!”

Something about men driving their wives to the hospital must make them drive extra fast!

We got there around 12:30 and checked in…

I’ve only been to the ER about three times in my entire life. One of those being over that 6 inch gash in Shayne’s leg.. the one that he thought would grow back together! *wink*

But it always seems there’s about ten nurses sitting behind the desk staring at you when you walk in, just waiting to jump up and care for your needs…. So naturally you assume this shouldn’t be a long process.

After an hour wait before someone brought us the paper work to fill out, we started getting a clue that the exact opposite was probably true…

We were put in room 5a – which is obviously the best room to have for amusing entertainment if you ever have to go to the ER at our local hospital and be put in a room!

There was a man laying in a hospital bed in the hall right outside my door… I had noticed him as soon as we walked in actually. He was just laying there. Fully clothed – plaid shirt. blue jeans. dark brown work boots with mud caked on the bottom. His arms were folded over his chest and he looked… he looked dead!

He was close by the nurses station… and as I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting, I watched him. He never moved or flinched, not one time with all the noise and commotion around him.

I found myself becoming a bit fixated with trying to see if his arms were moving up and down on his chest or not.. Just about the time I was convinced they weren’t and turned to tell Shayne, I started coughing…

Suddenly “my dead man” slowly rolled his head over and opened one eye and looked at me!

I suppose I was a bit relieved he wasn’t truly dead – but that one eye look left me with an eery feeling that he rather wished I was dead!! :/

I tried to cough into my blanket after that…

not my armpit like one of the signs hanging in the room instructed.

ATTENTION:: If you are coughing please put on a mask and try to cough into your armpit.

Well, I hadn’t been offered a mask, or saw one around anywhere for that matter… and since the coughing into the armpit didn’t seem to muffle the sound very well, and I didn’t want to risk the angry one eyed stare from the man in the hall, I resorted to my blanket instead…

Armpit or blanket, I don’t think it really mattered much – as I was offered water by every person on the entire floor, I think. Each time, holding up my bottle of Ice Mountain and smiling a thank you.

Still, I think I made the little old lady who kept walking around the nurses station looking for a wheelchair a bit nervous…. She would come out of the room across the hall every now and then and tell the nurses,

“I need to get a wheelchair for my friend. She only has one leg ya know and can’t walk…”

The nurses would tell her they were working on getting one. I guess she didn’t believe them as she’d go back behind the station area looking carefully around. I suppose thinking perhaps they kept them under their desks! Each time I’d cough she’d stop and look in at me, saying at one point, “Lans, that girl sounds awful…”

Then she’d hurry back into her room reminding the nurses once again to find that wheelchair, “because my friend can’t walk with one leg…”

I later saw that she found her wheelchair…
I never did actually see her friend!

On our way to the xray room we were passed by a policeman bringing in a woman in handcuffs… I was almost positive the dead man in the hall opened his one eye and looked at her as if he knew her!!

No wonder hospitals are such perfect settings for spooky movies!!!

Finally…. around 4 a.m. the doctor came in.

 

He stuck his hand out and said,
“Hi, I’m Dr. Tinker.”

By then, I had heard and seen too much, not too mention – tiReD!
I felt a laugh start to escape my mouth and quickly covered it with a cough, thank goodness.

Convenient that coughing can be for times when you don’t want the Dr.Tinker to know his name just struck you terribly funny~

I felt very much like I was in Neverland indeed!

Well the “fairy doctor” turned out to be more of the mad scientist type, completely confusing me with words I don’t think could even be found in an encyclopedia… if I had even the faintest notion of how to begin to spell them!

Usually I find the whole medical explanation of why things are doing what they’re doing fascinating~  I like to ask questions and get a biology lesson out of the deal if I can. But at four in the morning, exhausted and sick I found myself staring with glazed over eyes at his arms that were flinging wildly around as he talked – positive he was going to whack Shayne in the face at any moment, who was standing not far from him.

After going on for awhile about the whatchamacallit tube that releases the whatever stuff to your something or another, I finally asked,

“So… you’re saying I have a typical type of pneumonia?”

His arms stopped moving for a second and one went straight up in the air.
My eyes followed it…
He just held it there.
I waited.
and watched.

Suddenly he dropped it down on his head, “No. No. No.” he said, pushing his hair back with his hand in a frustrated type gesture. Obviously I hadn’t paid attention in class.

“I’m saying you have a very nontypical type of pneumonia…”

Here his hand went back in the air…
This time all three of us in the room were watching it- including him!
Bringing it down again, he went on –

“And I’m thinking, possibly…. a rare form of pertussis tied in there as well.”

“So I have pneumonia AND whooping cough??”

He pursed his lips tightly together and made a wincing look with his face,

“Technically, to be completely honest, I think it’s Swine Flu….”

I don’t know if my eyes grew wide from what he just said or the fact that his ever moving Inspector Gadget type arm had stopped about an inch from my face…

“Don’t freak out…” he said quickly. “When I say Swine Flu, I mean a fall out of the fall out of the Swine Flu.”

He must have mistook my tired confused look for one of further interest as he went into another long biological synopsis of where the Swine Flu originated from and the various forms in which it infected more people than were aware…

Ending the time with us with a brief commentary on his theory of what actually killed Michael Jackson, he shook our hands and asked if we had any questions…

Questions??  

After that we had only to wait on the nurse to bring in the prescriptions, and the respiratory therapist to bring in the inhaler that I have to use if I feel the shortness of breath again….

That was a whole other experience I don’t have time to type out…

They put the inhalers in these tube type things now, that’s supposed to work better for you. But I couldn’t stop getting tickled every time this big burly looking man tried to show me how to use it – - I felt like I was in a scene from a cowboy movie.. learning to smoke the peace pipe!!

When we were finally released to go I told Shayne I had to run into the restroom real quick – - all that laughing and coughing and trying not to laugh and cough made me feel like I couldn’t hold it another second…

Shayne was waiting by the door for me when the paramedics came in with a lady on a stretcher who was obviously pretty drunk… she started reading all the signs around the waiting room out loud, pointing her index finger while doing so. When she came around to where Shayne was standing she stopped and pointed at him,

“Hey! I want to go over there… See that cute boy over there… I wanna go over there by him….”

When I came out the restroom they were taking the drunk lady back into a room, and another was coming in that appeared to be in some sort of straight jacket type thing… !!

Apparently things were going to get even more interesting.

 
One last glance at my “dead man” who was still there – and out the door we went.

—-*—-

… So, that’s our amusing, and I’m sure rather expensive, 4 hour trip to the (Neverland) ER!

Shayne and I have a friendly wager with each other what the exact cost will be… but we both agree that’s the kind of stuff that’s priceless. The experiences of LIFE~ !
and despite the cost or why we were there, it’ll always be one of those fun and funny memories for us…
all of our hospital experiences have been. I should write a post about them all sometime~

But coming away from that the other night I was reminded I’m not only grateful to have a husband that takes such good care of me. Is protective and kind. But one who laughs with me – - often. easily. Who makes me laugh and helps me find the humor in even the most discouraging of times. Love you Babe~

 

—-*—-

After just a few days on the antibiotics I feel like a new person!!

thank you God and thank you Dr. Tinker!!

And thanks to all of you who prayed~ I know it’s such a cliche to say you “felt” someone’s prayers. but, I did!

Also, for the kind words in your comments and messages~ such a sweet encouragement.

—- * —-

About grandpa…

He was able to come home today.

After running tons of tests they concluded he had suffered from heat stroke and dehydration… he had a cow get out on his farm the other day and had to chase it down, over exerting himself. He’ll be 83 in September and still works harder every day than most men half his age~ he’s amazing.

I’m blessed we’ve had him this long in our lives – - and we all want it to be alot. lot. lot. longer….

 

thanks again for all the prayers for him as well~

—- *—– 

Just some verses and such I’d written out in my journal last week and this….

“Come to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28

“Cast all your anxiety on the Lord, for He cares for you.” 1 Pet. 5:7

Lord, away from the world and hidden from public view,
I exchange my weariness for Your strength,
my weakness for Your power,
my darkness for Your light,
my problems for Your solutions,
my burdens for Your freedom,
my frustrations for Your peace,
my turmoil for Your calm,
my hopes for Your promises,
my afflictions for Your balm of comfort,
my questions for Your answers,
my confusion for Your knowledge,
my doubt for Your assurance,
my nothingness for Your awesomeness,
the temporal for the eternal,
and the impossible for the possible.

“For the Lord is good, His mercy is everlasting and His truth endures to all generations… ” Ps. 100:5

“Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” Ps. 63: 3

 

—- *—-

Ben started his football conditioning this week.
Practices every night of the week~ along with Dolly!
Busy times around here…

Hope you’re having a great week.
Look forward to catching up on blogs soon~

with love,
amber.
      

{listening}

“CHIPPIE THE PARAKEET never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said ‘hello’ when ‘sssopp!’ Chippie got sucked in.

The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie– still alive, but stunned. Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. ‘Well,’ she replied, ‘Chippie doesn’t sing much anymore he just sits and stares.’

It’s hard not to see why.

Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . .

that’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.”  

= = ~ = =

I read this story in Max Lucado’s book, “The Eye of the Storm,” some years back.

I’ve always remembered it.

Probably because I can identify with Chippie.

I know how he felt.

I’ve felt the same.

I felt it today…

I’ve had a bronchial cough for almost a month now. It started with some cold flu thing the kids and I all had. It seemed to pass… all for this horrid cough of mine.

This week, things climaxed. By Wednesday I was running a fever, by Friday when the fever was still holding on and I knew I couldn’t, I had to finally give in and ask for help – -

The only thing I hate worse than being sick is having to admit I’m sick. Because then you’re made to lay down and rest and take it easy.. all things I don’t do well.

I was hoping by today I would wake up and be miraculously healed… and when I wasn’t. and it seemed even worse, we put a call in to the doctor.

He said my symptoms sound like pertussis! (coughing for intervals of 15 min. straight, not able to catch my breath).
I’m supposed to go in on Monday for a throat culture and chest xray.. results won’t be back for 3-4 days.
Which was really the only part I remember hearing clearly!

Which meant a whole other week of this before being able to get diagnosed and start on the antibiotics needed.

I felt pretty discouraged with that prospect, to say the least.

“Lord, you could heal me.. it would be so easy for you.”

I found myself half thinking/half praying as I laid in bed, staring through the slats in the cream colored blind at the leaves on the tree outside – the same leaves  I’ve stared at for… well, too many days for my liking.

The phone ringing suddenly snapped me from my thoughts… Shayne was gone with the kids, so I answered…

It was mom.

“They’ve just taken your grandpa to the emergency room…. “

here her voice trailed off, and when she talked again it was quieter.

“Sis, they’re pretty sure he’s having a heart attack….”

When I hung up I sat on the edge of my bed, crying. coughing.
Feeling very alone and even more helpless.
All I could think was, “grandpa’s going to die and I’m too sick to go see him…”

Yes. those moments we feel sucked in. washed up. blown over.

And though I’d love to say that regardless of circumstances I can still sing. -

That I have a Paul and Silas kind of faith, praising from the prison cell -

But, to be honest…

There.are.those times

Those days.

Weeks…

When nope. Don’t feel like singing much.

I wish the theme of my life were always, “I’ll praise You in the storm….”
Reality is.
It’s not.

Instead of lifting a heart of worship, I can often lift a heart of confusion, question, and doubt instead.

I can’t pretend to understand everything about God…
What He’s doing.
What His plan is.
His purpose.
That He does what He does because He loves me.

… here is where people always tell you faith steps in….

Yes. I know.

But during the sucked in. washed up. blown over “Chippie moments” of life I gotta admit, I don’t always carry a David vs. Goliath kind of faith.

It’s more like the little girl in “Miracle on 34th Street” who, with sulky face and half hearted enthusiasm, kept saying over and over to herself, “I believe. I believe. I believe.”

And in the end her faith was turned to sight because Santa really was Santa! What she wanted came true.

God isn’t Santa.

He doesn’t always give us what we want.
He gives us what is best~

Whether I think He does doesn’t matter.
What I think does not alter what is fact! 

“It is ridiculous to say things ought not to be when they are. A man who wants to find an explanation of why things are as they are is a intellectual lunatic. There is nothing gained by saying, ‘Why is there sin and sorrow and suffering?’ They are; it is not for me to find out why God made what I am pleased to consider a mistake; I have to find out what to do in regard to it all.” ~A Place of Help, Oswald Chambers

That phrase, “What to do in regard to it all?” kept rolling over in my mind this evening as the day winds down.. but is only really getting started for me, since my cough is much worse at night.

What to do when..

Life seems out of my control.
I feel helpless.
Sick.
Overwhelmed.
Worried.
No song left to sing.
No praise to give.

For me.
For this day.
this moment…

I feel it is letting Him pull me in closer to Himself and just,

Listening.
  

“…. but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake:  but the Lord was not in the earthquake: and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire …

a still small voice.” 

 (I Kings 19: 11,12)

I want to hear His voice….
in all things.

Because (I believe by faith) in all things He speaks to us.

No matter what the circumstance.
No matter what my emotions feel.
What lies the enemy hurls.
Or how loud life screams.

Amidst it all to know and recognize that sweet voice.
To stop.
and very simply.
quietly.
intentionally.
Listen.

“Be still…. and know that I am God”   (Psalm 46:10).
 
= = ~ = = ~ = =

I want to say that having a bad cough is nothing like having an incurable disease or serious illness, like I know many have faced or are facing…

I know I’ll get well.

This will pass.

But life is life.

Our burdens of the moment are our burdens nonetheless. Seemingly small or not.

…This is just me rambling at the end of the day about another life lesson God is taking me through.

Thanks for sharing in my journey with me.

 

And now I think my antihistamine is working… Or perhaps it’s the 50% alcohol they put in most of those things!:p (which I think is actually only about 10. but man! that stuff leaves my head feeling massively weird!!)

Either way.. my eyes are growing heavy. Better try to catch some sleep before this crazy cough kicks in again.

Would appreciate prayers for my grandpa. <3

amber.

EDIT———

ended up in the er myself last night.
couldn’t stop coughing.
couldn’t breathe.
scary stuff.

got a diagnosis though and medicine to start that should help…

more later.

{Chicken Anyone}

It might be a bit late.. but thought I’d pass it along anyhow~

If you can’t decide what to have for dinner tonight and want something fast and easy (and fuN)..

Go HERE!

{one thing I will never be}


I’ve always been a firm believer that you can do whatever you set your mind too…

However, over the last 4 weeks that theory is quickly losing truth with me.

 
Back in May, Kate and Ben auditioned for Hello Dolly with a summer theater group here in our city.
It’s mainly made up of 5th through college age kids.
This year though, the director decided to open it up to those “older.” …
and since I figured I’d be with the kids at practice anyway,
why not give it a shot and audition too~

The three of us were pretty excited to see the cast list finally posted and find ALL our names on it!! 

  …Though my excitement has/is quickly fading, and in it’s place I feel a kind of numb awareness sinking in more and more that, this dancing stuff isn’t for sissies!! Goodness, but it’s hard!!  And I’m for sure I’m not even DOING the “hard stuff.”

I have never had any kind of formal dance training.
I’ve never really even danced much in my life, period.
Except if you count in the kitchen with my husband…
and those aren’t exactly broadway musical numbers!!

So this has been quite the experience…

After practice last night I felt like crying.
And I would have too if I hadn’t been so tired!
I used to laugh at myself, but now I’m growing a bit panicked.

Trust me.. I’m not exaggerating.

(kate & ben getting a few dance instructions~ they’re doing great! I ask them for help!)

 
 
 

Shayne was there last week helping with some set design things…
on the way home he said,

“Uh.. babe? do you know what you’re supposed to be doing in those dance numbers…”

I looked at him and nodded my head with a, “duh!! of course I do!” kind of look.

(I was confused here… (can’t ya tell)… and getting in trouble w/ the director!)

 
… Then, it dawned on me what he was really saying!!!!!

I think seeing the worry in my face made him quickly assure me – -

“Oh. You’ll get it. I’m sure – - I’m really proud of you for doing this!”

“For what… willingly humbling myself??” : /

“No – - for stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something you never have before…”

Well – - his words made me feel better…
                                                                   until the next practice!!! “/

Especially when one of the girls reminded me,
“And just think… we have to do all this in long victorian dresses!! With hats on and gloves, and high heeled boots! Holding parasols….!!!”

As she skipped away on her twinkle toes I stood and glared (just a little) after her!!

Here’s a few of those costumes choices mentioned above ::

 

 
 

(no.. this is not a dress option~  it was hanging right outside my dressing room and well… ) 

They say that you never stop evolving as a person…
discovering more about yourself,
growing in who you are….

And isn’t that the truth!

One thing I now know for positive about Me…

 
I’ll never earn a living from my feet!!!!

The word, “dancer,” will never be synonymous with my name!

 
(I think the look on Cameron’s face says it all!)

I just pray I can stay in an upright position throughout the show!!!

Still~ it’ll be a fuN memory for the kids and I to have had….

 

(atleast, I’m hoping)  

== ~ == ~ ==

{now for a little opinion poll}

 

The kids got to keep one of the kittens born here a few weeks back…

It’s a cutie.

Problem is – they can’t agree on a name.

 
  
This morning Kate suggested,
“Why don’t you ask the xanga people, mom?”

(“the xanga people?” I thought that was funny!)

So… Kate and Ben would like your help in naming their new kitten.

Here are the choices~

1.Jaxson
2.Alex
3.Ace
4.Tigger
5.Barnaby (in honor of Hello Dolly!)

I know they’ll be anxious to see what you pick!

and I’ll be anxious to hear the squabbling stop.

So thanks from us all.

 

amber.

“Now that we’re dancing who cares if we ever stop?”
                                                                                                             ~ lyrics and music by Jerry Herman, Hello Dolly.

p.s. well, actually…. ME!!!       

{being vertical in marriage}

Last Sunday after church I asked Shayne if he’d mind to run out on our front porch (which is the ugliest thing, but kinda makes for a neat background) for a few pictures together~

Pictures are not his favorite thing in the world. But since I am *wink*… he complied.

 –what is it with guys and getting their picture taken?
though I guess the alternative wouldn’t exactly be inviting either, huh? …
imagine your husband saying, “hey, anyone want to take my picture?” hmm.. yeah. 

though in my guy’s defense it’s probably my fault he cringes to see that huge black contraption come out~
when I bought my first digital camera several years back I think I burnt him out with my efforts…   

“opps.. too dark.”
“opps.. too light.”
“wait.. let me change the iso’s”
“where are the iso’s?”
“what are the iso’s anyway??”

…so I think at the mention of pictures he has instant flashbacks to sweating buckets in the blistering heat while his wife flips through her instruction manual!!

       
   
Ben was the designated photographer… he’s actually not bad for getting a picture in focus.
He cracks me up with dropping on one knee for “a better angle” –
telling me to, “smile for real, mom.” –
and putting one hand over his other eye because, “I can’t hold it shut. I try.. but it keeps popping open!”

when I look through pictures I know distinctly the one’s taken by my little buddy boy.
they are always tilted to the right slightly.
(I’m always telling him to get his head screwed on straight!)

I was going through these the other night, correcting the “tilt”… when I suddenly realized I had been sitting for several minutes – staring blankly at our faces that were staring back on my ancient kds monitor.

My thoughts slipped a million miles away…
or to be more accurate, three or four weeks back.

 

What God had taken us through.

What He’s taking us through now.

What He’ll take us through in the future.

as Individuals.
as a Couple.

the “us“ we’ve been. and are. and will be.

Before I knew it I found myself caught up in a quiet, mini celebration of sorts within my heart ~

I started to smile.
Though no one else was around….
there I sat, smiling.

Because I was thinking of what it was exactly that I was celebrating…

the unity? the oneness? the closeness?

Yes.

But they were only the by-products of the process…

and the process is not always an easy one.
a rosy one.
a happily ever after kind of one…
let me slip on the glass slipper and all is fine. (though a good pair of shoes can help!)

And I asked myself could it be I was celebrating the hard times? the tough things? the misunderstandings? the frustrations? and irritations?  even the pain… the tears?

Marriage is great.

I love my marriage.

But marriage can be really (really.really) difficult at times.

 
It’s like any other relationship in many regards with it’s ebbs and flows…

but yet carries a uniqueness all it’s own in the sense that no other relationship can “drown” you with such emotion – good and bad.

 
 
- Remember my post about being at a point of decision in our lives?

During those weeks of crying out to God for His direction, one of our number one prayers was that Shayne and I would be one in our decision – - it was our fleece, if you will, before the Lord.

And God did give us direction.
an answer.
and unity….

But, God’s will is a funny thing.

No. actually, it’s not. I haven’t done a whole lot of laughing in the past month and a half.

I would say rather, God’s will is a mysterious thing…

I think we can become frustrated with God at times, or I know I do, because we try to bring Him to our level…  often without realizing it. When life doesn’t go as we thought, we find ourselves somewhat disillusioned with who He is – and it’s not because He has changed, or is not who He has promised to be -  it’s because we’re looking at Him through our human, flesh filled eyes.

Here I pause, and remember His grace….

He gets that about us!!
He knows.
and He understands.

That’s why He said, “My ways are not your ways. And my thoughts not your thoughts….” no. they are better!

God is not a God to be figured out… He is a God to be trusted.

 - But before I accepted this conclusion, I found myself in a spiritual battle over some of these truths for several weeks…

And if I were to be brutally honest – a little angry and upset with God.

I thought since I had yielded and surrendered to what I felt He wanted that the doors would swing wide open – the red sea would part – and I would stand and marvel and tell my children, and my children’s children of the miraculous works of the Lord.

Instead, I felt the doors shut.

The way that seemed clear, grow cloudy.

The waiting I thought was over, start again.

And the unity Shayne and I prayed for, begin to unravel…

I said to a friend, “this isn’t us.”

Our marriage isn’t perfect. But God has blessed us, and it’s a good one. We’ve had our moments.. but never DAYS where it seemed the division among us was widening.

One night, after yet another communication attempt gone bad, we sat in bed silent for those “eternally long” minutes when you’re fighting…

And almost as if synchronized (and I feel it was, by the Lord), we both turned to each with tears.. and I don’t remember the exact words, but in essence it was – “this has got to STOP!” 

Here we were, confused and upset and trying to figure out if God wanted us in Canada, Chicago, or Tin-Buck-Two. If He wanted us to pastor, run a business, or drive an ice cream truck ~ we were so focused on what it was God wanted for our future, we were missing His will for NOW. for this day. this moment~

For us as a husband and wife to seek His face.. (daily.)
To trust Him, regardless.
and to point and direct our children to do the same…

We bowed our heads and re-shifted our eyes back to Christ that night.

After praying, we sat and talked until the wee hours of the morning… recommitting to God and each other to do all we could to strengthen and grow our marriage. Purposing to do what we already know!

So often we can get caught up in reading the latest marriage book, or running to a new conference, when it would probably profit us a whole lot to simply do those things we already know to do!

not going to bed upset with each other. (ever!)
working out a difference~ however long it takes.
praying more together.
reading His word together.
uplifting one another.
cheering the other on.
talking more together.
listening more.
kissing each other hello.
and goodbye.
and looooonger:) 

and above all,

helping to turn the other’s focus to Christ.

It’s rather ironic how that works in a marriage…
the MORE we focus on Christ,
the MORE we can focus on one another. (the way we need to be focused on)

Resulting in being the kind of “us” we want to be.

and most importantly,

He wants us to be.

 
I think it’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss who says, “take care of the vertical relationship first… and the horizontal ones will become that much easier.” 

in other words, “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness… and all these things will be added to you.” Matt. 6:33

amber.

——- 

this is part of the chorus to a sweet country song we’ve been loving lately~ by God’s grace it is possible to fall in love over and over again!

“Like a river needs the sea, Stronger than its ever been,
We’ve come so far since that day,
And I thought I loved you then.”    

(Then~ by Brad Paisley)

{Balcony People}

As I think about relationships with others, I have concluded that there are only two basic types of people in the world:

the Evaluators and the Affirmers.

I am sure, if there were a way to view a movie and see instant replays of all the strategic change points in our lives, that we’d instantly spot the people who either broke our spirits by their critical or judgmental evaluations, or healed us by their loving, perceptive affirmations.

To be honest, I seem to be able to remember the negative comments of evaluators faster and more clearly than the positive remarks of affirmers.

I’m not alone in this ability to recall the negative,

as immature as it is,

for many of you have verified that you too, think along those same lines.

I suspect that not far from anyone’s conscious level of thinking lies the memory of an evaluator who pulled on his or her spiked boots and stomped deliberately over our bare soul and personhood.

As I grow older, however, I am learning (slowly) that I have a choice about evaluators – past and present.

I can choose to keep them and their judgmental opinions in the past,

even if the “past” means just yesterday.

We all have the choice to replay the harmful remarks from evaluators, or we can choose to let them pass on.

You and I are absolutely no different.

We have all, at one time or another in our lifetime, been crushed by an evaluator or two.

Yet, particularly as believers, we are expected to appear victorious.

We are expected to be on a continuous spiritual high.

We are expected to fly – undaunted into the storms of life.

After all, aren’t we God’s children?

The dilemma forces us to put on our brightest smiles, and we give forth our most ebullient greetings when asked about our well being. We hide the painful truth from ourselves and other children of God as though a crushed spirit represents a hideous flaw in our character.

We deny that someone, even a saint of God, has caught us in their wrenching grip of words and has snuffed out our ability to shine.

But mostly we deny that an empty void even exists within us for fear yet another evaluator will come along and condemn us, or worse, try to set us straight.

So we retreat behind masks.

We feel hypocritical and have nagging feelings of guilt for what we know we are supposed to be, compared with the reality of what we are.

We feel safer behind our masks.

I am more convinced than ever however, that if our inner brokenness is ever to be made whole, and if we are to ever sing again (where once there was a song), we will need to deal with our evaluators. (the only way to deal is forgive. plain and simple)

Yet, I also firmly believe that the need for affirming one another is crucial to our process of becoming real, not phony or hypocritical, people of God.

Affirming brings authenticity and credibility to our faith as it is lived day by day.

I must be affirmed, and I must be an affirmer to others.

Otherwise I miss one of the main concepts of the New Testament – to love one another and to bear one another’s burdens.

 - -  

Evaluators are those people who live in the dark murky waters of our unconscious mind – “Basement people”.

They are family or friends, living or dead, who continually reach up through that black water, grab us, and pull us under.

But along with basement people, we have the extraordinary advantage of having – “Balcony People”.

Affirmers.

Think of it!! All around the sphere of clear air in our conscious minds runs a balcony filled with people who are not merely sitting there, but practically hanging over the rail, cheering us on.

My imagination fairly explodes with that mental picture!

(Sometime take out a piece of paper and write down all the names of the Balcony People in your life)

After I listed who was in my balcony, I was a little surprised at how few people were present.

But then it seemed to me that it’s not the amount of people, but the high caliber and level of credibility that really counts. After all, it only takes one “basement person” to drown us in the murky waters of criticism and discouragement. Why not then, the reverse?

It only takes one “balcony person” to lift us up and restore our sense of hope and purpose.

Listing the people who were in my balcony, I concluded, was only half of what should be written…

So I got out another sheet of paper and put down all the names of people to whom I’d be a “balcony person.”

Finally, I decided I’d given absolutely enough attention to the basement people (the evaluators) of my life.

It was time to concentrate on my balcony people and on being a balcony person to others.

 - –

I wonder what changes would occur in the lives of in-laws, parents, sisters, cousins, husbands, wives, friends, if we stopped trying to settle every score and discontinued our efforts to straighten out everyone else’s life?

Honestly, I know there are some impossible people out there –

I’m related to a few myself. ( smile )

But hear me, this is a plea from my heart:

Criticism and judgmental pronouncements rarely change anyone.

It’s only God’s incredible love, through us as balcony people, that has been known to work miracles!  

- –

*Excerpts from Balcony People by: Joyce Landorf Heatherley. (with a few thoughts of my own added)

While uncovering the storehouse of memories in my last post, I also came across this book that I had read years ago and forgotten about. I brought it in and started re-reading…

it’s been a super motivator!

It’s a small, short chaptered book (my favorite kind.. LOVE short chapters – don’t you like to sit down and feel like you can finish a chapter in one sitting?) I think it’s only 69 pages total~ but what heavy truths packed into such a short volume.

the prayer of my heart is to live life as a Balcony Person.

and not just merely sitting there… but leaning over
waving my jacket in my hand 
hooping and hollering 
cheering others on.
towards encouragement.
towards hope.
towards Jesus!

And the main place I can start is right here in my very own home. 

amber.