This month has been the busiest one ever~
Packed full of fun..
crazy..
a few tears..
and lots of sugar!! 

Here’s some of the HigHliGhTs…

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Deer.

 

{for the record.. I don’t particularly “like” this story. I hate to see things die~ but it’s rather fascinating.. and some of you had heard about us getting a deer w/out actually killing it – so here’s what really happened – - – contrary to the humors that I had taken up deer hunting!} : p

A few weeks before Christmas I came downstairs one morning to Kate jabbering away about a deer,
prison guys on the road, a call from daddy, and something to do with my camera…

It was one of those times where you’re half listening to your kids, doing the absent minded nodding, “mm.. hmm.”
but finally, the weirdness of the story struck me and I asked,
“Is this a dream you had, sweetie?”

“No!” she said a bit exasperated. “This happened right here at our very own house!!!”

What had happened right there at our very own house I later found out was -
as Shayne was pulling out of the driveway for work he looked over in the field next to our house and saw two bucks fighting.
We later learned that this is such a rare sight for people to actually see…
my brothers and all our hunter friends couldn’t believe it.
And funny, that of all people to witness it – Shayne!
Who is so NOT a hunter!
As he watched… he realized that their antlers were locked together and they couldn’t get free.
Not sure what to do, he called 911.
Who then called the game warden~

While waiting for the warden to come, he ran back up to the house to grab my camera!  {see, there’s times he’s glad I have it!}

However, after a few shots the battery died…
so he called to ask the kids to run the extra one down~
but when they started up the road to find him…
{shayne had followed the bucks across the field to a little stream}
they saw the prison van that brings the inmates out to clean up garbage and got spooked…
and went back to the house instead.
So, that’s where the “prison people” fit into the story.

In the end, one deer died.

The game warden had to shoot the antler off of the other to get it free from the dead one…

Quite the early morning event round here~ bringing out friends, neighbors, and even inmates to watch!!

…. all while I slept away! : )

Shayne always tells me I miss half the day’s happenings by not getting up early – -

on that particular day he was right.

But most early mornings aren’t so eventful ; )  – thankfully!

the antler the warden had to shoot off -

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Tea.

Our church has a Ladies Christmas Tea each year…
it’s fun to help decorate, and get all dressed up to go!

 

   

It seems the popular accessory of choice these days is a Starbucks cup in hand!
And try as I may to be a coffee drinker – - I’ve finally decided to no longer kid myself.
After all, my true coffee drinker friends only make fun of my attempts…
I end up adding so much cream and sugar that it turns into some type of milkshake concoction by the time I’m done.

But TEA!
Now that is my true love~ yes, with a bit of cream and sugar, or even honey.
And it has to be in a real tea cup.. it just doesn’t taste the same in something styrofoam!
Perhaps it’s the hidden Victorian in me..
but… well, there it is. : ) 

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Recitals.

 

I always feel a strange mixture of humor and emotion whenever I watch my kids “performing.”
Like Kate biting on her lip during her whole entire ballet dance~ without even knowing it, but knowing she does it because, guess what – so do I!
Or Emma stopping to look into the video camera and wave during her routine.. and telling all her little friends to do the same – “wave to dat wady…”
When Kate put her music on the piano upside down.. but still played brilliantly without a mistake – knowing that playing by heart was her worst fear…
Or Emma slipping and falling down on a move.. sitting for a moment about to cry.. then, jumping up and carrying on…

yes – - a hidden laugh and misty tears always seem to accompany me watching my kiddos~
    

  
 

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Fun.

This Christmas was a bit unusual from ones in the past…
I was able to have a little stash of my “own money” from a few jobs I had done in the fall.

There were several things I thought of spending the money on~
but in the end, I knew I’d enjoy it much more if I shared!

So, as one of the kids gifts.. and my parents too..
I took the family to a water park resort here in our area.
It was great to relax for a few days…
and.just.play.

We all agreed we liked running around in our swimsuits in December~

 

On our first night, when we headed out to get dinner..
upon walking through the lobby doors and being greeted with the frigid wind – one of my brothers said,
“I forgot it was so cold out.. it felt like we were in Florida or something!”
Which is exactly how I wanted everyone to feel. : )

I hope it becomes a yearly tradition for us to do~

and, um.. that THIS would not become a tradition – drinking water from public places! eww.

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Play.

Emma sang, “Happy Birthday Jesus” with two of her little friends~ the video won’t post for some reason.. but if I can I’ll add it in here later.

 

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Reflecting.

We spent Christmas Eve at Mom and Dad’s house…

 

Dad read a little book called, “What God wants for Christmas.”

  

There was a manger set that came with it…
and 7 small boxes.
Inside each box was a character from the Christmas story.
And the last box answered the question of the book~ {see end of post to find out what was inside}

 

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Christmas.

We spent it with Grams and Gramps…

Gramps is now in a nursing home – where he’s to stay for the next 6 weeks.
He’s doing well though.. getting stronger.
They did find that the top half of his heart isn’t working as it should~
right now it’s not life threatening.. but could mean more surgery in the future.

We’re praying about that.
and hopeful~

I wish I had a picture of us all gathering around as my Grams says, “Let’s form our family circle, children…”

We hold hands.. 
and pray.
When Gramps prayed his voiced cracked…
he paused.
You could hear the tears.
He thanked God for each of us.
and for giving him LIFE!

And even though I don’t have a picture ~ and my eyes weren’t even open ~ it’s a image I’ll never forget!  

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Baking.

We didn’t make our Christmas cookies till AFTER Christmas! : )
 

this cookie cracks me up – -
doesn’t it look like it’s trying to run away?
It was Emma’s cookie… so I imagine it was! ; )

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Presents.

Shayne gave me a “spa package” this year~

It took me awhile to decide what I wanted to get done…
I debated on a new hair cut and color~ but after going to the same stylist for like 15 years, I was a bit nervous about that.
And when I saw, “False Eyelashes” as one of the options, that rather intrigued me…
Or, “Instant Youth Booster Facial”… almost did that – but then realized there’s no such thing as “Instant Youth.” Der!

So I went with two things I had done once before – but swore I never would again, because my experiences had not been good~
Full body massage – - the lady talked my head off the whole entire time. NOT the most relaxing way to spend an hour wrapped in a towel, face down, with your head stuck in a circle thing!
And Acrylic nails – - ended up with a skin eating disease that I had to get a shot and medication for! Scaaaaaary!!!

But I’m so glad I set aside the past and tried again.
This time around both were great – {well, I won’t know on the nails for awhile, I guess.. but so far no skin appears to be missing!}

   

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Surprise.

 

Shayne went to get ONE a few nights before Christmas .. but came home with TWO!
The kids were so thrilled~ they’ve been wanting another dog since Skyler died.

Meet Jack & Cooper.
Jack is the fat one…
and Cooper, the smaller one.

 

 
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Misc.

emma’s tattoo she doesn’t want to wash off… and when told it had to come off eventually she asked, “tan I dit one dat won’t eber tum off?”

how we entertain ourselves at restaurants while waiting on our food.

how I would look with rabbit ears.

how Shayne would look as Santa.

how my kids usually act while I’m trying to take their picture.
 

and how in the world we’ll ever know why they act that way is beyond us!

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Family.

 

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Family + new additions.

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Lessons.

I just can’t even believe another year has (almost) passed..

It’s a year I’ll not soon forget.
…probably the best of my life…
…and the worst.

A year of alot of soul searching…
discovering more of who I am.
Who I want to be.
Who I DON’T.

Learned things about God too that I never knew before…
or atleast not like this. 

And  probably the biggest thing I learned (again) was that you never STOP learning…

I hope to post about some of those lessons in more detail.
But for now, I think the little book my Dad shared on Christmas Eve sums it up well~ 

“What God wants for Christmas? Now here’s the surprise
In box number seven, where it’s been disguised.
Peek in the box, for so long you have waited.
What God wants is YOU – the one He created!

“Me?” you ask. “Why is this so?”
“I cannot wrap me and put on a bow!”
No, you cannot; but what you can give
Are the choices you make in the life that you live.

God wants you to know Him and love Him within,
And this is called worship, an offering to Him.”

Surrender.

that’s what it comes back to every time, isn’t it?

hmph. if only there were an easier way.

Happy last day of 2000 and 9!

amber.
 

{Merry Christmas from the Hutch house}

It’s late. The house is quiet. Ben had a friend over today and that’s been fun (and loud-er) having two boys around.

I’m sitting up waiting on my butter tarts to bake/ cool. I don’t know why I always think those are easy to make – they’re not. :/

I’m getting all my gift stuff together for friends at church tomorrow… (or is it morning by now.. probably)

Kate was in the living room till just a bit ago getting her stuff together too… homemade bracelets and brownies for her girlfriends.

It made me smile to glance in there and see her all hunched over and busy on the floor.. making her little packages just so.

She’s alot like me. But then, alot not.  (and I’m glad for the “alot not” part)

I bought Ben some candy canes to pass out to his friends..
I saw him eating one earlier, which must have been his second because I see two empty spaces in the box now!!
And before you think he’s an unusual child for liking candy canes – they were jolly rancher flavored! 

Emma started crying when I told her the m&m candies I had brought home were for her to give her friends~ she was sad one wasn’t for her.
I tried explaining several times that there might just happen to be one exactly like it in her stocking on Christmas morning…
but that didn’t seem to console her much.
I think giving and waiting are two things that are not synonymous with 4 years old…
I think giving and waiting are two things that are not synonymous with alot of ages, now that I mentioned it.

 

Shayne and I had a huge fight earlier that took us all evening to work out…
he’s gone to bed now, and things are settled. kissed and made up.
I smile now to think about it~
it had something to do with him hurting my feelings by not helping me carry in the groceries when I got home…
which I think had something to do with exhaustion and hormones…
and also something to do with the fact that he didn’t even hear me come in, so how was he to know I was lugging in 20 bags of groceries…
trying to hold my killer huge purse on my pinky finger…
while fumbling for the door knob…
all while balancing the gallon of milk on my head!!
Or so it sure seemed from my exhausted perspective, and.. did I mention hormones!

Kinda seeing the after thought silliness of it all – and understanding perfectly in moments like this why men don’t get us…
(though i’m sure all too soon i’ll forget i ever even had that thought cross my mind) *wink*
I find a sobering melancholy settling over me as I think back…
that happens to me alot late at night, when the house is quiet and I’m alone~
thinking back over the day, over the words and actions, and especially attitudes that filled my heart.
How much really pleased the Lord? and how much… well, how much just didn’t?
It’s good to take inventory. Even if the outcome is a bit scary from time to time.

But always, my conclusion seems the same – - -  I’m grateful for grace!
For the times I blew it ~ and for the times I didn’t.. because the only reason I didn’t was – grace!
When I see my life with all it’s flaws, and a few areas that have improved -what I think of is, grace!

 

     

  

I imagine grace alot like Tinker Bell’s fairy dust… (can you tell I have a little one? Spiritual analogies derived from cartoon characters!
But without it (grace) we don’t have the power to be the people God intends and wants us to be~

Shayne and I were talking some along these lines tonight – AFTER we worked things out.
Saying how that nothing we ever face..
problems in marriage
or with our children
or other relationships..
no amount of heartache
or questions
or pain…
nothing – - absolutely nothing is beyond being able to be fixed and repaired and restored. {atleast fixed and repaired in our own hearts}

no matter how hopeless something may seem. no matter how far gone. or how deeply buried -

there is always a way -
because HE IS THE WAY!!!

I love that.

~ “I am the Way. The Truth. and the Life.” jn. 14:6

  

When Christ came to earth He traded in His majesty for the mundane.
The Creator Extraordinaire became ordinary man.
And the King of Kings left daily praises for public ridicule…

He did it all to make a WAY for us~!

…and the way He paved wasn’t merely from the manger to the cross… it was a way that went straight to the heart of God!

a way He makes available each and every day.

What began back THEN on that first Christmas night, continues even NOW..
God came down and invaded our lives with His presence~
not only inviting us to come near to Him,
but making the way for that to be possible.
Glorious Intruder!

That Scripture verse pops to my mind where it says, Jesus is seated at the right hand of God the Father, and he’s daily making intercession for us -
and that’s a thought that makes me smile and cry and jump up and down and fall flat on my face, all at the same time!

I can only imagine the intercession that went up tonight as He looked down into the Hutch house and made a way as a husband and wife worked out their differences…
something He’s had to do a hundred times over.
And I’m sure will have to do hundreds more before it’s all over.

Yes. there’s that word again – Grace!

Thank you, Lord Jesus.. for coming to this world to make a way for me!
For laying down your life so that I could find mine. 
And I’m not really sure what you think of all the hoopla this time of year~
in some ways it seems silly to wish you a happy birthday…
but I will say this – I’m glad you were born!

 
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Wanted to take this time too, since I’m not planning on being on here much this next week, to wish you all a very happy and memorable Christmastime! ~
I hope it’s the most special you’ve ever had!

We’ll probably be spending it with my grandpa, who’s now in a nursing home…
and also, with some possible foster kids.
I’m excited about that.
Grandpa. and the kids.
And to see my own kiddos comprehending in a fresh, new way this year where the true gifts are at~
IN PEOPLE.

And speaking of  which ~
I’m glad to have each of you who stop in here as a part of my life.. whether you’re a regular or just pass by from time to time.
I’m a firm believer that nothing happens by chance – everything serves a bigger purpose and has a reason… 
which I think sheds a much different perspective on the people that cross my path, whether in real life, or simply through a blog.:)

Thank you for all the ways your life has enriched mine.
It’s weird at times to consider someone a friend whom you’ve never met – but I do.

So, Merry Christmas FRIENDS!

with love~

amber

 
christmas 2009

{A reflective glance at the familiar}

There’s a scene in a favorite old movie of mine…
By the Light of the Silvery Moon, where Doris Day’s character is taking a brisk walk with a guy she’s not really interested in… 
he’s trying to impress her with how physically fit he is and is giving her instruction on how you walk briskly without becoming breathless~ 

“The way it’s done is you have to keep your head up and breathe through your nose.”

To which she raises her eyebrows and replies sarcastically, “Oh, is that how it’s done?”

He stops walking. Looks at her seriously, and says flatly, “That! is precisely how it’s done.”

My mom and I like to quote that line to each other, “Keep your head up and breathe through your nose…” when life tends to get crazy.

 
 

Actually, I think that guy’s advice is pretty good.
Well.. the breathing through your nose part, hopefully we’ve got that down.
But the “head up” part… yes. I think that has a direct effect on how we walk.

I’ve found myself over the last few weeks visiting an old familiar place…
a place I come to every day of my life, I think – remembering to keep my focus where it should be.
Realizing what happens when I don’t. 
It’s a classroom I know well. And have the textbook pretty much memorized.
However knowing and doing don’t boil down to the same thing.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to have a -ED put after the word learn on this one…
the suffix following will probably forever stay -ING. (as my sweet Cindy friend would say).

But I so want my heart to always be teachable.

 

I was reading this story not long ago.. and find it fascinating every time ~ luke 10: 38-42
” ³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted {ever feel distracted in life?} by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” ⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.{are the things we pour ourselves into things that cannot be taken away~ eternal?}

I love that Jesus puts the idea of “choice” in there.. “Mary chose what was better.”
I guess Martha could have done the same as her sister.. ..
she simply – chose differently.

But I don’t look at Martha and shake my head in disappointment… 
if anything I feel a bit defensive of her.
She seems more “normal” to me
and maybe that’s because I relate to how easy it is to become distracted by the circumstances around me.

 

honestly…
I’ve been a Martha alot this holiday season
too easily spazzed out.
getting my panties in a wad over the silliest things. (like videos that won’t upload to xanga!)
I’d love to be a Mary…
I WANT to be a Mary…
calmly worshiping Jesus, no matter what’s happening…

Sometimes in my frantic freaked out Martha state I try to act like I’m Mary..

ever do that…
stress?
what stress?
I’m not stressed!

It doesn’t bother me at all that every dish I own is sitting on the counter dirty.
Or that I can smell the moldy laundry in the washing machine from yesterday.
That I only just started my Christmas shopping last night.
And gingerbread houses haven’t been made this year.
And probably won’t be.
Or several other traditions for that matter.
Those outside lights I started in November never actually did get finished.
And the coloring on our Christmas cards when printed, somehow made Shayne look like he had been on a Caribbean cruise and left the rest of us home!

 
 

But no amount of acting.. putting on some type of  calm, cool “I’ve got it together” front can cover a heart of unrest.

And even if I fool others into thinking my home is a Norman Rockwell painting where the mother is bustling around the kitchen with her perfectly placed hair and unstained apron, while the kids play with books and puzzles at her feet, serene smiles on all faces~ 3 little people by the names of kate. ben & emma are never fooled! They know.. and they know instantly, whether I’m being a Martha or a Mary. And lately, seeing that they see that has hurt.. and helped.

Our kids don’t become the people we think we are – they become who we really are.

And where I put value and importance so will they.

They learn from my life what to worship.

And what I worship is where I choose to put my focus.

  

Everything in life can become an idol, no matter how seemingly spiritual it is.

Even things like, “holiday traditions” as I’ve been realizing can become a wrong focus…
as I’ve gotten myself in a Martha tizz more than once over making sure we bake the cookies and get all the advent doors open…
But sometimes… sometimes the good things need to be set aside for things more important.
My older kids might rather a nice long game of Monopoly than to bake cookies.
Or Emma just wants me to play grocery store with her instead…

Through it all I’ve found myself more than once taking a good hard look at my motives.
Why I do what I do?
And it’s sobering to see that alot of things aren’t really as unselfish and sacrificial as I think they are.
As Mrs. Tuohy says to Michael in ‘The Blind Side…’
“Yeah, you’re right. I wasn’t thinking of you, I was thinking mostly of me.”

And “mostly me” is what happens when my eyes aren’t where they should be.
But when I stop. Look to Him. Listen to Him. What He has for me… ~
whether that’s playing board games. grocery store. baking cookies. reading advent. or picking my nose. (okay, maybe not that last thing)  
All of those can become acts of worship to Him – - because our obedience is our worship.

Martha wasn’t the bad person and Mary the good…

And I don’t think alot has changed with women and housework and out of town guests and emotions and stress much in the past few thousand years…
But the only thing that separates us from weirding out or worshiping is where we choose to focus ~
on what’s happening…
or ON HIM. 

I want to see Jesus in everything.
no matter what is going on..
no matter what others are saying or doing..
no matter if it makes sense…

And for those times I don’t… well, I’m glad for the “next times” in life. (as I’m sure Martha was too)

it’s one of the things I’m most grateful for during this season as I think about the birth of Jesus… and all that was wrapped up in it.

His coming certainly made the Next Times possible.

beautiful thought.

 

 
There’s lots more I wanted to share.. but this was as far as I got.
So much has been going on.. so much God is doing in our hearts. In MY heart.
Hope to share more soon…

 
Christ came that we might have LiFE~ and have it more abundantly. jn. 10 :10

amber.

{update}

Gramps came through surgery brilliantly. His heart is beating strong.

The night was rough though… he stopped breathing twice.
But this morning things look good -
and he’s even responding with a move of his hand to questions asked.

Thank you so, so much for all the prayers…
I told my Grams that people were praying all over the world and she said,
“Well you tell them I’m so grateful. I can feel it. And please keep it up!”

Remember how I said that every artery was blocked… and one 70%?
Well, the doctor said once they were operating they discovered a very tiny artery -
“nearly hidden,” were his words – way back in the heart….
It was working 100% and probably,  “the very reason he’s alive.”

Thank you little hidden artery doing your job, pumping away. : )

It reminded me when things look bleak, without hope…
GOD SEES what is hidden to us, and sends help through sometimes small and seemingly unimportant ways {life lines} to save us and keep us going!

“In my despair I cried unto Him, and the Lord heard me.. and answered me.”

Last night when I called Grams to check on her she answered the phone, and said-
“Hey, baby girl… we’ve still got him!”

That made me cry…
tears of joy. tears of praise. 

“We’ve still got him!”
love those words. : )

“If we have seen the miraculous workings of God in some marvelous case of healing or some extraordinary providential deliverance, I am sure the thing that has impressed us most has been the quietness with which it was all done, the absence of everything spectacular and sensational, and the utter sense of nothingness which came to us as we stood in the presence of this mighty God and felt how easy it was for Him to do it all without the faintest effort on His part or the slightest help on ours.”

hope to post some of other life going on around here soon. there’s been so much happening….

Recitals for piano and ballet
Decorating with spray paint
Killing deer (though not by us)
And little children crying while Shayne and I tried to sing..
hmm.. yes, well… we might not post about that come to think of it! ; )

hope your Friday is a great one.

Love~

{would you pray with me}


My grandpa was taken to the hospital last night with chest pains…
they ran tests this morning and discovered every artery was blocked, except one -
which was 70 % blocked!

The doctors said he’s a walking time bomb – and are doing open heart surgery asap.

I find it strange that several months back when he was taken to the er with the same thing they said no blockages were found… and I wonder, can someone have this severe of heart condition happen in a matter of months? Or was the medical system faulty?

Makes my heart grow a bit anxious in other ways too~
I was telling my mom this morning that dad needs to have his heart looked at, since heart conditions are hereditary.
And actually, every person in my family and life I care about should go in for an exam.. or two .. or three.
just to be sure!  I mean, really really sure they’re okay.

I can see my Christmas gifts now, “Coupon: good for one free ride to doctor’s office to have your health checked.”

But even in the midst of worry for Gramps I find myself smiling over my thought pattern –
thinking I can somehow control things..
thinking I can take measures and precautions to “guarantee” I’m secure, happy, and get what I want~
which is, by the way, for my entire family to be raptured together and never have to face sickness or death.

I’m reminded too with all this that people who seek control are nothing more than people led by fear.

Sure, fear is an emotion that grips our hearts when we don’t know what the outcome of something will be -
but I believe in the Sovereignty of God and that everything serves His purpose and plan.

Our lives are in His hands.
I believe that with all my heart.

But even having said all that I would really appreciate your prayers ~
That God would let us keep Gramps down here a bit more.

He’s the only Grandpa I’ve known (never knew my mom’s dad).. and we’re very close.
He’s exactly everything you’d imagine a grandpa should/ and would be. 

I’d love for you to sit and hear his stories.
They’re amazing.
Like from another world…
a world that’s mesmerized me since I was child and would hear him tell of it.  

here’s a video I posted last year~ to give you a glimpse more of who he is.
Gramps is talking about how he and his brothers got the same thing every year for Christmas – rubber boots.
I love it when he says you could “smell them rubber boots…”
and he knew his dad had bought them, and they would get so excited.

My grandparents will be celebrating 63 of marriage next week too – the 18th!
They were married when Grams was 14, and Gramps 20.
Like I said, another world.

I read these verses this morning and wrote them down –
guess God knew I’d be needing them today.

“Out of the depths have I cried unto you…Lord, hear my prayer.
I wait for you, my soul does wait, and in your word do I find hope.”  Ps.130 

    

{i love pictures because…}


….when there doesn’t seem to be words to describe how you feel,
or enough time to say it if you could,
you can look at a picture and it seems to speak for you!

Have had lots of posts running through my head this last week…
Some thoughts made it into my handwritten journal..
some, will more than likely never make it out of my head.
And no doubt, some should probably stay there too!

I’ve been trying to keep what’s “important” important lately.
And with as much as I love to blog, well..
it just doesn’t always fall on my important list. 
Though to be honest..
sometimes I let the important go and blog anyway. (like sleep)
I’m working on that one…

But I did want to record some from our time in Texas.
which I can’t believe was just last weekend?

Feels like forever ago.

But, there we were 1,200 miles away…

and I think on this particular night, at just about this particular time..
I was sitting in a car, in the middle of a parking lot talking with Kat and Alyssa. a sweet time.  

The wedding was beautiful.
How could it not be… look at the bride and groom!

I think one thing that stood out to me from the day more than anything was how content they both seemed.
And also just a feeling of being “complete” in each other.. or, I should say, more complete.
Contentment. Completion. Those are some great things to feel in a marriage.

Here’s some of my favorite shots from their day~

    

my-most-favorite~ the girls praying together beforehand

 

     

a few I edited – the first, because it was over exposed and the second just cause I liked it and wanted to put that quote on one!

 

 

 

candid~

     

Emma and her new friend, Will…

She kept telling me, “I not hold dat boys hand, mommy.”
But by the end of the day she had recanted…

 

But when I asked if she could give him a hug… there she drew the line!
Will hugged her anyway, despite her protest. 
Though he’s probably wishing he hadn’t…
Emma woke up that morning with pink eye! : o
I couldn’t believe it.
Not the best wedding day look~ still, she was a sweetheart.

.

==::==::==::==::==::==

a few random memories from the trip::

eating our Thanksgiving meal at Cracker Barrel – and when asking the waiter for extra whip cream for our pumpkin pie.. he returned with the whole can for us to use!! maybe not the most sanitary thing.. but the kids sure thought it was fun. and it WAS like a little taste of home. visiting the Alamo… and having the kids ask, “where’s the rest of it?” it does seem awfully small compared to the movies. hee hee. taking in the River Walk. and going back at night to see all the lights. stopping to take a shot of the kids and having a rat run out of the garbage can next to me. my brother, Scott, had jokingly tried to throw me in the river earlier that day – - that time, I almost went in on my own trying to get away from that creepy thing! getting to spend time with old friends. and meeting new ones that instantly felt like “old” ones. having the kids fast asleep as we drove through the night and straight home. Shayne and I talking for hours. that cozy feeling a warm van and a dark night brings. traveling in our pj’s and laughing as we went into restaurants wearing them. i felt very…. hmm.. what’s the word – liberated!! that happy sigh you let out when you pull into your own driveway after 20 some hours in the car…

 
 
 





  

I was telling Shayne today that I feel like we’re still on a road trip…
it seems I haven’t gotten OUT of the van since being home!

Things have been crazy busy.

It’s kinda funny…
I’ve decorated 6 Christmas trees.
Fluffed about 200 feet of garland.
Hung 800 or so lights.
Strung dozens of wire through ornaments…
and I haven’t even started on my own house yet!!

We do have the tree up.
It’s in the corner of the living room, and bare.

I’m thinking of leaving it that way this year…
going for the earthy, natural look.
Then again, knowing me the way I do — I probably won’t.

But rather than staying home today and decorating we headed downtown.
I told Shayne I had to get out or I knew I WOULD start putting stuff up,
and I wasn’t in the mood ~
ever feel that way?
not wanting to do something, but if you’re sitting staring at it – you can’t help yourself!

Instead we went to watch Santa repel off the side of a building!
Yeah, it’s as funny to see as it sounds.
And way more fun than fluffing garland and stringing lights.
We took a carriage ride too.
loved that.
Drank Starbucks.
loved that too.
The kids got their faces painted.
which they loved. (and plan on wearing to church tomorrow if it stays on!)
and Emma sat on Santa’s lap.
which she wasn’t sure if she loved or not..
then – decided she did.
and now it’s her new fascination!

On the way home Shayne was talking to the kids about deep, meaningful things and asked, “Why do we have Christmas…Who was born?”

Emma yelled excitedly, “SANTA!”

oh dear.

I can see we have some deprogramming from our holiday excursion today!

though I think her new found “belief” in him might have something to do with the fact that he told her,
“if you’re a really good girl and pick up all your toys and help your mommy you might get the things you wished for….”

guess what she asked for~

“A wheel tar that dwives on the woad… an a ipod!”

 

 

amber.

{Thanksgiving Road Trip}

This year instead of turkey and dressing we’ll be munching on either animal crackers, potato chips, or slices of granny smith apples… and probably be somewhere between Little Rock and San Antonio about the time we’d be sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. 

Jeffrey and Bryn are getting married this Saturday… so we’re headed south!

 

Several people have said what a bummer it is that we’ll be on the road for Thanksgiving – but with as much as I’ve always loved that holiday I haven’t given it much thought… I’d happily miss every holiday from here on out to be there for my brother. Besides, the way I look at it, it’s a day to be with family and remember the things we’re grateful for~ which is exactly what I’ll be doing.

I’m excited about the next five days!
Emotional?
Just a tad of that too…

It’s kind of like the end of an “era” in our family in some ways… You see, there’s Scott and I, the older two, then – “The Boys.” It’s what we’ve always called them. What they’ve always been. The group, the gang, the small sized posse. And now the trio will be down to two..  and yeah, I think it’ll take a bit of getting used to that “the boys” as we’ve known them for 20 whatever years isn’t going to be the same – -

I’m glad for Jeffrey though…. genuinely truly GLAD.
He’s waited a long time, and been through alot.
And I’m happy to see this day finally come for him.

I thought 3 months was a long engagement…
he’s waited 5 years!

 

And sure things will be different in our family and life as we know it… but that’s what happens – what’s supposed to happen. and it’s okay. It’s all part of the process. 

I’ve had alot of things sitting on my heart the past few weeks that I wanted to say to Jeff~ nothing overly significant or even spiritually wise. Things like,”I’m proud of you..” Or, “remember the time we….” Just big sisterly kind of things, and friend to friend kind of things… but we never seemed to get that space of time like I had hoped.

Then on Sunday, by some weird timing of all of us getting into the service late, I found myself sitting next to him in our crammed 2nd row family pew.

And I think it was about halfway through, “Be Unto Your Name,” that it struck me this was last time the two of us would be worshiping next to each other like this for…. for awhile, most likely. {Jeff’s pastoring a church a few hours away}. And the last time we’d stand side by side, just this way, like we’d done in that 2nd row pew I don’t know how many times since he was a little boy with slicked down hair and dress pants pulled up to his armpits with his belt cinched on the last hole possible!!! 

I reached over and took his hand…
and as we stood there singing praises to the Lord together
there was just that sense of “knowing” between us~
the things I felt and had wanted to share.. I knew he knew.

I think that will always be a favorite moment with him. One that makes me smile whenever I remember it… 

and I have lots of moments that do that.

 
———-

In other big news .. if you were around my little Emma in person you’d probably be noticing before too long how many times she’s pushing her hair back behind her ears these days. And if you didn’t realize what it was she’d probably come over and tap you lightly on the arm, then, making sure you were watching… with a big swooping motion, once again, and very dramatically push her hair behind her ears. And if you STILL were clueless I’m sure she would then simply point it out flat and say, “WOOK! My e-was.” 

 
She’s pretty excited.

 

Today, while sitting in a traffic jam I was asking the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up…

Kate said – “I just can’t decide between being an actress, a missionary, or a babysitter!” {atleast she’ll have variety}

Ben said – “A football player. A singer. Or just a normal person!” {i think i like the last one}

Emma said – “A big wady wif alot of pierced e-was!” {i’m still working on my response to that one}

———-

A few weeks back someone wrote and asked if I’d re-post a video from a blog last year.

It’s a cute little song written by a friend of mine and a good reminder as we’re about to kick off the Christmas season in a few short days…

the song is called, Tradition.

———-

Well.. need to finish up the last load of laundry and get the rest of our things packed….

I hear where we’re headed is about 23 hours away!

I think between the Sea Bands, {kate gets car sick really bad, and i’ve heard great things about them and hoping they’ll work!}, crossword puzzles, sodoku books, coloring stuff, card games, mp3 players, snacks, the alphabet game, i spy with my little eye, the quiet game, every kid movie our public library owned, and lots of Benadryl we should be set…

except one last thing -  The sign I’m going to make that says, “NO WE’RE NOT,” to hold up each time the kids ask… “Are we there yet?”

   

I have a feeling this is going to be our most memorable Thanksgiving ever!

amber.

{I’m with Him}

this morning in his sermon Dad was preaching from Romans 8.

when he came to verse 34, “Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”

he explained it this way~

“Several years ago when we had a horrible tornado come through here, Scott and I went down with the Chief of Police to see some of the places that had been hit the hardest… to see what our church could do to help.  As we walked into one area, someone came over quickly, motioning with their hand for us to stop as they said, “You’re not supposed to be here!”

The Chief of Police who had stepped away saw what was going on and called over, “No, it’s okay. They’re with me!” 

That reminds me of what it’s like when Satan comes to condemn us.
Thoughts of,
Why do you think God’s forgiven you?
Why are you deserving to go to Heaven?

And what is our answer?

Because we were good…
Went to church…
Looked “right”…
Lived the best we could..
Followed all the “rules”…

NONE of those things hold any merit to allow us entrance into God’s presence.

But this…
as we see Jesus hold out His hand for us to come, as He calls out…

“It’s okay. They’re with me!”

==::==::==::==

over lunch we were talking about that as a family.

I looked at the kids and said…
“So this is it, guys – our assurance of a home in heaven is not based upon our performance, but upon WHO we know!”

and Shayne added…

“Or, actually… who knows US!”

man! what a thought

and i love it.

amber.

{dry toast}


I don’t know if your mom was like my mom growing up..
but those times I’d be sick – when I started to feel better and wanted “real food,”
she would always fix me toast and make me eat that first. 
(“Let’s just see if that stays down before we move on to anything else”)

But, man! YucK! I can so remember how awful that toast tasted.
dry.hard.scratchy… like chewing on sand paper!
And I couldn’t swallow it for the life of me..
it would seem to stick right there, in the roof of my mouth.

And there were times, where I was pretty convinced I’d live the rest of my life that way…

“Hi, I’m Amber and I have a piece of 20 year old toast stuck in my mouth!”

I just didn’t think I could swallow and deal with it. 

==::==::==  

That’s kinda how I’ve felt before spiritually … … like now.

The things God chooses to put on my plate aren’t always easy to get down.
Bible reading can become dry and hard.. more of an effort.
And my prayers seem to feel stuck somewhere inside, not able to get out.

I can’t always pin point what brings it on..
nothing necessarily life altering or unusual.
Sometimes it’s just the little things combined, I suppose. 

But yesterday I found myself frustrated by it all.

I don’t know about you but I like to BE HapPy…
or atleast semi close to it most of the time.
I don’t like myself when I get in a funk-
my husband and kids don’t either.  

Let me just say you wouldn’t be choosing me for your 3 legged race partner!
I’m simply not a pleasant person to be around when I get that way~

and I was thinking, “what is with me? I’ve got to snap out of this…”

==::==::==

Driving home last night.. in the dark, in the rain, {which only aids your melancholy, right?}
while trying to dissect my feelings and figure things out,
this song started playing on the radio…
 
And though it’s not MY story per se being sung about,
then again.. it is.

(guess you need to turn off my playlist at the bottom..
and the song is rather long, but if you can – listen to the end.
…..the end is the best part!)

Because it’s exactly where I found my heart at that moment –

trying to make my own way…
then remembering, through the message of the song,

“Oh yeah.. wait. It’s not up to me to do that!”

How many times have I walked this road?
Sat in this classroom?

You’d think I’d get it by now.
but there it is~

I can either live with my eyes on my circumstances,
or live with my eyes on Him.

My dry toast spirituality comes down to that.
Plain. and simple.

and yeah… though I’m still chewing on some things He’s given…
I feel He’s handing me a nice tall glass of cool ice water to help wash it all down.

I think that water would be called, GRACE.

 

amber.

{walking on rocks}

Thanks for all the cheers for Ben’s big game.
it means alot when others “root” for your kids. : )

But all the cheering in the world couldn’t help..
believe me, we tried.
I even bought a cow bell!!

this is kind of a funny thing…
when Ben and I were out Saturday night buying stuff to decorate the van and make posters,
a lady walked up beside me and I noticed her t-shirt with the other team’s name on it.

“Oh, are you getting stuff for the game tomorrow?”

she nodded. then noticing the green things in my hand said,

“Bulldogs?”

“Yep.”

she stamped her footed dramatically and twisted it back and forth,

“We’re going to squash you guys!”

I laughed and waited for her too.
She never really did.
Well.. maybe a little..
I think it was a laugh! ; )

I told you those fans were SCARY!! 

although we were a sight ourselves with some GREEN hair! 

But actually she was right.
They lost 8 to 0.

Though it wasn’t exactly a “squashing.”
Coach said the other team didn’t beat them, they beat themselves.
Both points were scored on mistakes our guys made…
one was a safety, the other an interception.

Before I ever saw Ben’s face after the game I knew..
I just knew the look that would be there.
That look of ready to cry at any second but not wanting anyone to see.

There were actually tears from alot of the boys.
It broke my heart as they passed out the trophies..
watching so many wipe their eyes quickly,
leaving a dirt smudged line across their face and sorta tucking their chin down to try to hide their emotion.

Your mom heart just wells up at those times -
not for your own child, but every other one there too.

I have to admit that even though I was torn up and had this incredible urge to make everything all better…
for Ben.. for them all… I couldn’t keep back a slight smile hiding underneath too.

As we went over to the trophy ceremony I was walking beside another mom..

“Ten is an interesting age isn’t it?” I said to her. “It’s like they’re almost young men, but not. They’re still just little boys…”

She laughed and shook her head emphatically,

“Oh yeah… they are still SO much little boys!”

but grown men. little boys. or halfway in between. I think it’s okay for guys to cry.

Even the coaches were as they expressed how proud they were of the team.
When we were leaving, the head coach ran over and bent down eye to eye, talking to Ben.
I couldn’t hear what it was… {later found out it was personal words of praise for Ben’s effort and attitude this year}
But that’s when the tears he’d been holding back finally came spilling out – at his coach’s words.

In the van on the way home we talked about the game…
about crying and how that was okay.
about not winning…
and how that was okay too.
how there was always next year.
and then we prayed -
because it’s what we said we’d do..
win or lose.
and thanked the Lord that He has a purpose in everything.

even losing a football game.

==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==::==:


I love so many things about kids.
but I’d have to say one of my all time favorites being -
their resilience!

The next day all the disappointment seemed forgotten with Ben, and it was on to basketball practice!

By the way – I remember thinking when the kids were little I couldn’t wait for them to get older…
for things to SLOW DOWN!
: )
But jiminy! the older they get the busier it gets.


If only our van had a microwave and toilet we’d never have to get out of it! : ))


While Ben was gone to practice the rest of us.. just girls.. took a walk to the river.

The weather was perfect.
Even perfect enough for bare feet.
Though with my kids,
they think any weather is good for bare feet. : )

On our way to where we were going we went through some tall grass.
When Kate said it was hurting her feet I went in front…
pushing down the weeds and sticks and trying to make more of a path for them to walk on.

Next we came to a cornfield to which Emma declared after only a few steps in,
“I tan’t wok on dis bumby dround!”
So she was carried! : )

See the cell phone sticking out her back pocket. It’s an old one her daddy gave her – she takes it everywhere – and carries on some pretty lengthy conversations!   



When we finally got to the river – a good distance from home…
speaking of vans with toilets in them and such, Emma had to go to the bathroom!

Why is it that I always ask my kids before leaving the house if they need to potty…
and they never ever do…
but get miles from home…
in the middle of nowhere…
and suddenly it’s an excruciating, near death experience if they can’t go that instant!!

I was glad atleast that we did happen to be in the middle of nowhere -
and for all the huge leaves on the ground! ; )



After that it was happiness all around.

I love watching the girls together.
There is seven years between them, but I’m amazed at the bond.
I like how Emma has to do everything Kate does.
And how patient Kate is to let her.
I like that Emma calls her, “Tay-Tay.”
And so often Kate will smile at me and say, “I love how she says that.”
I like listening to them talking to each other late at night curled up in bed..
Kate telling Emma about Jesus.
Emma convincing Kate she’s not a sinner so she doesn’t need Jesus in her heart. ; )
but assuring her preachy big sis that she still “lubs Him” and will go to “heaben.”

In time she’ll come to understand.
In the meantime, those talks crack me up!

 

I was cracking up too when she was walking along the river..
stepping from rock to rock.
When one would wobble she’d say {loudly}, 
“Help me Jesus Dod.” {God}

Then on to another…
pausing at it would teeter from side to side,
and saying even more loudly –
“Ohhhhhh… help me weally lots Jesus Dod!”

I was behind her a ways when I suddenly heard her crying and looked up to see she’d fallen - in the river!
When I got to her and helped her up I asked, “What happened baby?”

She was unhappily wiping the mud from her hands and said in her little matter of fact voice, choked by a few sad sobs,

“I fordot to say help me Jesus Dod.”

kate working on her cartwheels.. remember when you were young and doing those things over and over until you got it right!

Emma trying to crack open one of those seed pod things…

 

and both girls trying to crack open a “monkey brain” …

 

Later that night I was thinking back over the weekend and some of the “mom moments” in it~
The scene of Emma at the river came to mind and I smiled…

Parenting is so much like that-
taking one shaky step at a time,
crying out with each one – “Help me Jesus God!”      

in those times you have to stand back from a distance and watch your kids go through a hard time. {like Ben’s game}
in the times you have to walk in front and smooth the path, pave the way. {Kate in the tall grass}
and those times you have to simply reach down, pick them up, and carry them along. {Emma in the cornfield}

In every situation and circumstance…
at every age, phase, turn, hurt and hormone we NEED HIM!

 

I heard someone say recently that the Christian life always brings us back to one thing – faith.
so why should it surprise me that’s exactly the theme word that’s laced all through parenting as well!

And along those lines…
I was thinking about faith last night too -
more specifically, my faith, and how it relates and effect my children.

I was thinking that children are very much like sponges.

Someday, when they’re all grown up and on their own,
what they’ve absorbed from their time with us will come out. 
And my prayer, above anything else…
is when the sponge of their life is squeezed what flows out will be JESUS.
Genuinely. Purely. Jesus. Plain and Simple.

Absorption isn’t exactly something that can be “controlled”…
it’s pretty much the principle of what’s there around them – will get soaked up!

all the more reason to be crying out – “help me Jesus Dod!” : )

amber